Cosplay Caption Contest
 

- Collection #1 -

 

Welcome, one and all, to the first compilation of entries in the Cosplay Caption Contest! This is my way of honoring all the special boys and girls who have contributed hilarious captions to a cause that's very near to my heart. I've never told this story to anyone before, but when I was younger, my great-uncle Albert was tragically killed by a car full of teenagers dressed as the cast of Magic Knight Rayearth. Since then, I've made it one of my life goals to educate as many people as possible about the dangers of cosplay. The success of the CCC has played a huge part in me being able to work toward that goal, and I'm extremely thankful to all those who have contributed their time and sarcasm to this great cause.

On behalf of the entire PA community, please enjoy the following examples of people making fun of pasty nerds in ridiculous outfits. And as you do, please keep in mind the many lives that bad cosplay has taken, as well as the many lives we can save through continued mockery of such practices.
 


Contest #1 (Originally ran 11/10/07)



Winning Caption:

Having eradicated all the vampires and ghouls on the planet, D found himself falling into that depression all former stars eventually experience. He would later OD on pizza sticks and masturbation and be found dead of AIDS in his mother's basement.
- Yaoi Fairy

Honorable Mentions:

"My hand... it wants to go down on you... No really, you see the face? It can totally go down on you."
- Kvitne

"GOTH ZORRO HAS NO NEED OF THIS."
- Varna

"My mom made this for me, I didn't have the heart to tell her I look like a total gimp, and this would increase my risk of being assaulted."
- Homer DJW

"STOP... In the NAAAAAAAME of LOOOOOVE!"
- The Hutch
 


Contest #2 (Originally ran 11/17/07)



Winning Caption:

The Hilarious Misadventures of SKINNY AND DOGFACE! Episode 17: Cos-LAME
- The Hutch

Honorable Mentions:

Jay and Silent Bob's sex change didn't go exactly as planned...
- Homer DJW

Thankfully, Phil the Manaphy Plush was charitable enough to escort them to the convention... However, after being seen in public with them, he began to reconsider his charity work at the Center for Teenage Girls Doused in Chemical Waste.
- Shmeckie

"Oh yeah, we carry around the plushie because it conceals pepper spray and a rape whistle. Oh, no, we've never, ever, ever, ever, ever had to use them. Ever."
- Sway
 


Contest #3 (Originally ran 11/24/07)



Winning Caption:

"You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look gooooood."
- Jericho_941

Honorable Mentions:

When Mr. Peanut wished to be a real boy, this was not what he had in mind.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

"I must have had some Captain in me if I thought this looked hot..."
- Mysty

In case you've ever wondered what the "madam" of a gay whorehouse looks like, there ya go.
- Shmeckie
 


Contest #4 (Originally ran 12/01/07)



Winning Caption:

To us, it's hilariously stupid cosplay. To the judge at the child custody hearing, it's "Exhibit B".
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

"It's Axel's Cooking Time! Okay, after you oil up Roxas he's then ready to be sodomized... oh wait!"
- Kvitne

"Honey, look cute for the camera. I SAID LOOK CUTE FOR THE FUCKING CAMERA! ...Sweetie..."
- The Hutch

"Remember folks, it helps to exercise the cheek muscles before sucking teh cock."
- Sans Rival
 


Contest #5 (Originally ran 12/08/07)



Winning Caption:

Time to make the costumes: 7 seconds.
Time to jack off to accumulate enough sperm to get that hairdo to stick: 4 hours.
Time to think you look cool in the cheapest Naruto costumes ever: 6 seconds.
Time to get laid: 37 years.
Time to die alone: 12 years.
Time for you to make us feel better about ourselves: a lifetime.
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

One of the lost Naruto episodes: "Naruto Goes to the Real World, With Boring Results"
- Homer DJW

Naruto kid: Did you guys taste anything weird in that punch last night? I... I don't really remember what happened after I drank it...
- Mysty



Contest #6 (Originally ran 12/15/07)



Winning Caption:

Any bulges you may see just below the waist are only because painstaking care was taken to ensure the carpet matches the drapes.
- Sway

Honorable Mentions:

The last-placed entrant of the 'Dress Like the Statue of Liberty' contest.
- Serra

Unfortunately, Solid Snake's sunflower camouflage had the wrong color scheme.
- Robert the Small

The theme of this costume is "Washu, pressed up against a wall." She got it from a doujin. Thank the good lord she stopped on that page...
- Shmeckie



Contest #7 (Originally ran 12/22/07)



Winning Caption:

And now, a haiku:

Middle of the street
Looking like two circus clowns
Car accident, please

- Zekushionn

Honorable Mentions:

After Ryuk got that job as a female escort, he never was quite the same...
- Robert the Small

Girl: Ryuk-chan, check out my kawaii cosplay! I'm Vegeta! Hurry let's get to OtakuCon so everyone can see!

Ryuk: (sighs) I miss Light.
- Don Kanonji

The suckage level is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND!
- The Hutch



Contest #8 (Originally ran 12/29/07)



Winning Caption:

"Sadly, though, lots of relationships turn abusive. In fact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by a date."
- Zekushionn

Honorable Mentions:

AH HA! It IS possible to make Zidane look queer while removing his femininity!
- Arc Baltic

It's not hard to tell who's pitching and who's catching is in this relationship... Like, at all.
- Kvitne



That's it for this session of laughs, folks. We've had a lot of fun here today, but I also hope you all learned something from this. The lesson? Sometimes, too much hair gel is just enough.

Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the Project AFTER Forums and submit your own cuttingly clever comments to the Cosplay Caption Contest! Joining the boards is totally free, so you really don't have an excuse not to. Also, don't be such a cheap douchehole.