Cosplay Caption Contest
 

- Collection #2 -

 

Of all the pleasant surprises I've had in my life, finding out that the Cosplay Caption Contest was, in fact, something that people actually wanted to participate in really wasn't that significant in the grand scheme of things. I'm going to pretend like it was, though, because I couldn't think of anything interesting to write for this introduction. As I was saying, the popularity of this feature surprised me because A) the people who post on my forums aren't exactly easy to persuade to participate in a group activity thanks to every single member having the attention span of a gnat, and B) the premise of the CCC relies on people having to do something that you normally couldn't pay a bunch of starving Somali refugees to do: looking at pictures of ugly people cosplaying.

Bewildering though it may be, I'm immensely grateful that this feature has been so well received by the plucky kids who frequent the forums, for it is their noble sacrifice that has done so much to help raise awareness of the horrors of terrible cosplay. Severe obesity, mental retardation, sterility, hoof-and-mouth disease, and smallpox are just a few of the many health risks that science probably assumes can be caused by dressing up in lame costumes in public. The faster we put an end to this dangerous lifestyle choice, the better.
 


Contest #9 (Originally ran 1/05/08)



Winning Caption:

Gene Simmons Jr. vs. Bessie the Milk Cow. Round Two. FIGHT!
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

The San Francisco Zoo is under heavy fire again as a deadly snake and raging hippopotamus escape their enclosures on the same day!
- Sway

Orochimaru: Aw, my Fruit by the Foot is almost gone!
- Mysty

"Hey, someone help, that guy stole two of my watermelons! Someone, stop him! I can't leave the stand! Somebody please help- ACK!"
- Don Kanonji
 


Contest #10 (Originally ran 1/12/08)



Winning Caption:

"I'm gonna get that inheritance money grandma."
"Over my dead body!"
"Okay!"
- Kvitne

Honorable Mentions:

"Roll up! Roll up! $2 to stab the anime cosplayer! $1 extra for you to dress up too!"
- Homer DJW

Exhibit A during a small claims court case regarding the reckless tearing of the plaintiff's bed sheets.
- Sway

Thus proving "HAMLET IN SPACE" is a bad idea.
- PP_Abridger
 


Contest #11 (Originally ran 1/19/08)



Winning Caption:

Unfortunately, Jimmy's performance in his "Nude, Sore-Ridden Sambo" outfit didn't sit so well at the NAACP Image Awards ceremony...
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

Here, we observe the Nerdy Incompetent Dipshit (Nerdius Incompentius Dipshittius) in its natural habitat.
- Razordogz

Hey, it's the unofficial Starbucks mascot.
- The Hutch

When I'm high I see fucking Pokemon everywhere. That's my anti-drug.
- Kvitne
 


Contest #12 (Originally ran 1/26/08)



Winning Caption:

A snapshot from the Yu-Gi-Oh tournament recently held at Big Dick Willie's Rollerdisco and Hot Dog Depot.
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

"Yes, this is my son, and yes I do touch him...."
- Homer DJW

Am I the only one who can see that Yami-Yugi has tits? Those are most undoubtedly tits. I know what I am talking about, this is my thing. And unless you can prove me otherwise, I am convinced that is a not-man.
- The Hutch

OK change my above quote to 'daughter' instead of 'son'.
- Homer DJW
 


Contest #13 (Originally ran 2/02/08)



Winning Caption:

Cosplay is an activity the whole family can enjoy. Mom, Older Sister, Little Johnny... Even Grandpa can enjoy a day at the convention.

But when Grandpa enjoys something, Johnny invariably doesn't.
- Zekushionn

Honorable Mentions:

Evangelion: Director's Cut 15: The Later Years
- Homer DJW

Despite how girly and scared this cosplay Shinji is, he's still more manly than his anime counterpart.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth



Contest #14 (Originally ran 2/09/08)



Winning Caption:

It appears some monks just tried to use some sutras to seal away the monster from Stephen King's "It".
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

First shots from Ghostbusters: Japan. It's the new Stay Puft Marshmallow Man! ...er woman... No, no I was right. Man.
- Kvitne

Conclusive proof not only of Bigfoot, but of Bigfoot's penchant for uniforms worn by Italian accordion players' dancing monkey assistants.
- Sway

Even Mrs. Claus's sex pictures aren't safe from hackers.
- PP_Abridger



Contest #15 (Originally ran 2/16/08)



Winning Caption:

"I wear this wrestling belt because I wrestle daily with my weight. Oh, I'm not trying to eat less and exercise more, but I can't afford a proper corset, so this will have to do."
- Sway

Honorable Mentions:

White Shaft - Episode 26: Choke a Bitch!
- The Hutch

What? Little Richard defeated Buu? Damn, I gotta start watching Dragonball Z again.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth



Contest #16 (Originally ran 2/23/08)



Winning Caption:

Although the "sexy astronaut" theme went over well with readers, Playboy's decision to feature a pre-op transsexual Asian man with flapjacks for breasts as a centerfold model resulted in the most subscription cancellations the magazine had seen since their infamous gymnastic amputee issue.
- Don Kanonji

Honorable Mentions:

Wednesday night is Cosplay Night at the Pegasus gay strip club.
- Sans Rival

We've long since prepared for women with horrifying bodies cosplaying like this... But nothing could prepare us for the newest brand of horror...

BUTTERFACE COSPLAY!
- Shmeckie



That's it for this collection, folks. Hope you enjoyed this one as much as I didn't! And as for that churning, agonizing pain you're currently feeling deep in your stomach, you have only yourself to blame. Yourself, and roughly a dozen unsightly anime nerds who possess no trace of respect for their fellow man.

Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the Project AFTER Forums and submit your own cuttingly clever comments to the Cosplay Caption Contest! Go on; joining the boards won't cost you a thing. Plus, if you sign up in the next twenty minutes, you'll get a free t-shirt!*

*Free t-shirts require payments of $39.95 to cover shipping and handling costs.