Cosplay Caption Contest
 

- Collection #4 -

 

Even though I only receive a single piece of e-mail from readers of the site once every nine to ten months on average, I suspect that if people did contact me more frequently, I'd get at least a few complaints regarding this site's negative portrayal of cosplayers. Well imaginary complainers, let me tell YOU something! Though you may chastise this site and its many dedicated supporters for disrespecting the art of cosplay, I could very well do the same to you for disrespecting the art of cosplay critique. As Dave Chappelle and the ghost of Henry James will both tell you, hating on stuff isn't easy. Especially when there's just so darn much to hate.

Without a doubt, quality caption construction is a skill that often goes unappreciated. That's why I'm dedicating this set of entries in the Cosplay Caption Contest to the proud men and women who gave their time and energy to think up such magnificent ways to verbally disgrace colorblind anime geeks. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for sharing my dream of bringing shame to those who have none.
 


Contest #25 (Originally ran 4/26/08)



Winning Caption:

Despite copious amounts of bad goth makeup and cheap dimestore wigs, there was no way to butch up Good Charlotte. They will remain woefully effete and lame.
- ExpensiveConcubine

Honorable Mentions:

It's KISS... if Japan had won the war.
- Mr. Dave

This is the worst mime troupe ever. Seriously.
- The Hutch
 


Contest #26 (Originally ran 5/03/08)



Winning Caption:

Congratulations, you have successfully managed to look like a combination of a chicken, a penis, a dog, and a clown. Touché, my friend. Touché.
- Kvitne

Honorable Mentions:

"Has anyone seen my dignity? I traded it in for this crappy costume."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

"Why won't Sonic fall in love with me?! WHY?!"
- The Hutch

This doesn't need a caption. It just needs sad violin music playing as a tear rolls down the guy's face.
- Homer DJW
 


Contest #27 (Originally ran 5/10/08)



Winning Caption:

This metrosexual Mad Hatter has had it up to HERE with your shit! It did NOT graduate from the martial arts school of the Almighty Freeweight to deal with this kind of bullshit!
- Shmeckie

Honorable Mentions:

This is why we shouldn't let hippies and mimes breed, damn it!
- Serra

Little did our cosplayer know that her pet parrot hadn't gone missing, but had exploded on her face hours ago.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
 


Contest #28 (Originally ran 5/17/08)



Winning Caption:

The winners of the NCAA Women's Doubles Tennis Championship. Their winning strategy was to stay on the court while their competitors fled after a nearby oil refinery exploded.
- Don Kanonji

Honorable Mentions:

It's a preview from an upcoming episode of the MILEY AND MANDY SHOOOOOW.
- Zekushionn

"They said if we stood here for five more minutes, we'd get some free heroine."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
 


Contest #29 (Originally ran 5/24/08)



Winning Caption:

Vice is nice, but incest is best; it's a game the whole family can play.
With costumes like that, and bodies so fat, it's the only way those kids'll get laid.
- ExpensiveConcubine

Honorable Mentions:

"No need to thank me, ma'am! It's just another day's work in the life of the Chunky Avenger! Now, I must be going, for that nearby Dunkin Donuts needs... protection..."
- Shmeckie

Try and guess which one is female. You may be surprised!
- T_K_17



Contest #30 (Originally ran 5/31/08)



Winning Caption:

The producers of Blind Date: Japanese Edition found it hard to get the same high caliber contestants that its western counterpart enjoyed.
- Homer DJW

Honorable Mentions:

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong!
- The Hutch

After the 78th season, it was clear that 'What Not to Wear' was running out of ideas.
- ExpensiveConcubine



Contest #31 (Originally ran 6/07/08)



Winning Caption:

And you thought it was bad when Hillary Clinton took the shot of whiskey in Indiana to try and court a demographic.
- Sway

Honorable Mentions:

Trainer: So, why'd you want to wear the Pikachu costume?

Pikachu: So no one would recognize my face. You fat dork.
- Serra

"Hurry, Pikachu, I think I see Team Rocket! ...And your mother waiting to pick us up."
- Razordogz

"Wait, stop! Stop... Wouldn't you rather rape that other plus-sized fashion model... over THERE?"
- Don Kanonji



Contest #32 (Originally ran 6/14/08)



Winning Caption:

Worst tampon costume ever!
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Honorable Mentions:

"Mom got mad at me because I went through about twenty garbage bags before I got this look exactly right."
- Mysty

Marilyn Manson's reimaged image was blamed for the celebrity's latest album being used to pave roads in China.
- Homer DJW

Holy shit, Ziggy Stardust just got his ass kicked!
- Shmeckie



That's it for this collection, folks. There are still many more costumed nerds out there to laugh at, but we'll save them for another day. For right now, just focus on getting some rest. You deserve it.

Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the Project AFTER Forums and submit your own cuttingly clever comments to the Cosplay Caption Contest! You can also use your forum account for other fun activities such as arguing and sexual harassment.