Cosplay Caption Contest
 

- Collection #10 -

 

With the pervasive sense of entitlement found on the internet these days, it shouldn't surprise anyone to learn that cosplay advocacy groups have condemned the way I "exploit" their hobby. According to these people (who I strongly suspect are one delusional person with multiple e-mail addresses), it's irresponsible of me to encourage a community to make fun of bad cosplayers without ever defining what exactly constitutes "bad" cosplay or offering any constructive criticism explaining how these individuals' mistakes could be rectified. Fair point. Because I believe that publicly shaming people is only the first step to creating a utopian society free of morons, I'm more than happy to offer some advice to the more adventurous convention attendees on how they can avoid having their pictures wind up in a future installment of the Cosplay Caption Contest.

If you'd like to avoid having strangers write humiliating comments about you, then please take a moment to read the following list of Cosplay Dos and Don'ts:



DO:

 

bullet Do consult your optometrist to make sure your eyes are healthy enough to properly gauge whether or not you're too unattractive to leave your home or sewer lair.
 
bullet Do apply your makeup with careful precision and avoid having friends throw handfuls of paint at your face as you charge toward them with a look of murderous intent in your eyes.
 
bullet Do confirm that you're the same gender as the character you plan to portray.
 
bullet Do remember to pack antiperspirant if your outfit is made out of heavy materials, especially if walking across a room causes you to sweat like a drowning pig when you're wearing normal clothes.
 
bullet Do pretend that you posses some regard for the rules of basic human decency.
 


DON'T:
 

bullet Don't dress up as some stupid original character in an attempt to advertise your novel-length AU erotic fanfiction.
 
bullet Don't skimp on materials for your costume. A good starting point for your cosplay budget is 40% of whatever you spend on acne cream in an average week.
 
bullet Don't carry around cardboard signs referencing internet memes and/or asking strangers for glomps.
 
bullet Don't automatically assume that all problems can be solved by buying an even more brightly colored wig.
 
bullet Don't encourage people to take photographs of you striking a dorky pose and then complain when the images wind up on the internet and prompt others to laugh at you.

 


Contest #73 (Originally ran 6/26/10)



Winning Caption:

The story of how Perkins lost his penis is a tragic, yet painfully obvious one...
- Shmeckie

Runners-Up:

Crossovers that should not exist episode #1347: D.Gray-man meets Rectuma.
- Max-Vader

You know you're an otaku when your cast for your broken arm becomes part of your cosplay outfit.
- Kuramastrassx3
 


Contest #74 (Originally ran 7/10/10)



Winning Caption:

You know you're fucked when even your own costume is laughing at you.
- The Two-One-Five

Runners-Up:

"Wonder-Dork powers activate. Shape of a tranny nightmare! Shape of a Kingdom Hearts fanfag! Shape of a living joke!"
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Part one of my four-page "Why I hate Square-Enix" essay: the fanbase.
- Soren Highwind
 


Contest #75 (Originally ran 7/24/10)



Winning Caption:

Long after the success of Spirited Away, No-Face was having trouble landing quality work.
- Meow Mix

Runners-Up:

This picture was taken just as the fellow on the left resolved to commit seppuku.
- Al_Cone

Unbeknownst to Grandma Shorty-Shorts and the Depressed Asian Avenger, the Grim Shy Guy had emerged just inches behind them, ready to collect their souls after that incoming runaway bus hits them.
- Shmeckie
 


Contest #76 (Originally ran 8/07/10)



Winning Caption:

From the people that brought you "Drag Queen Quest" and "Shadow Hard-Ons" comes "Anal Fantasy VII" starring Ron Jeremy as "Titfa".
- Screaming_Soulcatcher

Runners-Up:

"The hell do you mean, 'Cosplay Convention'? I'm just going to my job at the Lumberjack Strip Club."
- TigerEyes

Bluto's new plan to get rid of Popeye had some rather undesirable results.
- Badass Overlord
 


Contest #77 (Originally ran 8/21/10)



Winning Caption:

James Cameron's Zelda was dismissed as all story, no effects.
- The Two-One-Five

Runners-Up:

One day, God decided to combine a medieval festival with anime, videogames and gay pride parades. Legend of Zelda cosplaying was born along with atheism and dignity died a cruel death.
- Screaming_Soulcatcher

There are at least three generations of Legend of Zelda in there, and at least six reasons to choke a bitch.
- Mysty



Contest #78 (Originally ran 9/04/10)



Winning Caption:

Naturally, Japan took some liberties when writing the manga biography of Abraham Lincoln.
- DraculaMarth

Runners-Up:

Now that an alarming number of otaku are finding solace in listening to ICP, experts have made this shockingly realistic snapshot of Gathering of the Juggalos 2011.
- Meow Mix

Sleazy McAisan always delivers when it comes to discount whores, it's just too bad that he doesn't know what a female is.
- Badass Overlord



Contest #79 (Originally ran 9/18/10)



Winning Caption:

"I'm touching this Prinnie in the same way I want to touch your kids."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Runners-Up:

Dammit Bridget! Androgyny was the one thing you had going for you, and now you don't even have that anymore!
- Al_Cone

The reason she has those circles under her eyes isn't from lack of sleep, oh no. It's from so many people trying to punch her out of their nightmares.
- Meow Mix

FUCKING COSPLAY, HOW DOES IT WORK?
- Max-Vader



Contest #80 (Originally ran 10/09/10)



Winning Caption:

"Eating donuts by moonlight, earning hatred by daylight, he can't really cosplay this girl right, he doesn't look like Sailor Moon."
- SirMax

Runners-Up:

When challenged to prove that there was no God, Dave went overboard.
- Solaris

"No uncle, I will not dress up as Tuxedo Mask for you. That's it, I'm calling child services."
- NiGHTS Noob



That's it for this collection, folks. See? That wasn't so bad! You just have tó Oh no, no. Hey, it's okay. Ssssshhhhh. It's okay. No more tears.

Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the Project AFTER Forums and submit your own cuttingly clever comments to the Cosplay Caption Contest! Chances are slim that you'll ever get in on this if you haven't done so already, but that sure as hell won't stop me from nagging you about it.