Cosplay Caption Contest
 

- Collection #11 -

 

When it comes to pitching new concepts to the public, capturing your audience's interest often depends largely upon the fickle will of the cosmos. Some people will toil away their entire lives without ever hitting creative pay dirt, while others will post a few pictures of a disgruntled-looking cat on the internet and make literally millions of dollars in a matter of months. The cosmos doesn't give a shit.

Given the arbitrary nature of success, there's no way I could have predicted that the Cosplay Caption Contest would go on to become a full-fledged phenomenon. With the masses constantly demanding more weirdoes to mock for their insane tastes in clothing, I've hosted more competitive insult sessions than a presidential debate moderator. As the number of backlogged contests continues to grow, I've decided to increase the capacity of these collections from eight CCC recaps apiece to an even ten. That's 25% more hilarious captions per click!

Take a moment to stop hyperventilating, sop up some of that pee on the floor, then scroll down and watch the magic unfold.

Oh yeah, before I forget: My pussy lawyers have advised me to tell you that the amount of bad cosplay you're about to view exceeds the maximum deemed safe by the Depart of Some Stupid BS and yadda yadda yadda psychological trauma this, cardiac arrest that. You guys don't care about that crap. If by some chance you do find yourself losing consciousness before reaching the bottom of the page, then allow your final thoughts to reflect on the fact that you died for a righteous cause.
 


Contest #81 (Originally ran 10/23/10)



Winning Caption:

The tagline for their entry in the costume contest was simply "Putting the dom in Kingdom Hearts."
- SirMax

Runners-Up:

As funny as the cosplayers' slave play was to them, the laughs would be short lived as the giant dimensional vortex in the background sucked the both of them into an alternate dimension!
- Shmeckie

The safety word is "KAWAIIDESUNEEEEE~"
- Al_Cone
 


Contest #82 (Originally ran 11/06/10)



Winning Caption:

It was at that time that Roseanne decided it was time to suit up, roll out, and fight some fuckin' crime!
- Shmeckie

Runners-Up:

The tubes inject her with five pounds of liquefied Big Macs every hour for basic nourishment.
- Screaming_Soulcatcher

Abaddon the Despoiler only fears one thing... Mrs. Abaddon.
- Joker

See kids, this is what toilets will look like in the future.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth
 


Contest #83 (Originally ran 11/20/10)



Winning Caption:

"Melissa, do you see what I'm doing with these fingers? Well, if you throw a purple wig on and call it a Bulma cosplay again next year, I'm going to do this with my fingers and gouge your fucking eyes out."
- Al_Cone

Runners-Up:

No it's not a bad hangover folks, they decided to see if they could make the next Dragonball movie suck even more.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Dragon Ball Z Budokai, if the graphics actually looked realistic.
- Maniak
 


Contest #84 (Originally ran 12/11/10)



Winning Caption:

For various reasons, the live action special Death Note: I'm Dreaming of a Light Christmas was far less successful than anticipated.
- I Hate My Car

Runners-Up:

Light's plan to kill Christmas failed because he couldn't figure out what it really looked like. Thinking Christmas was something more, he just said fuck it and hung out with L at a store.
- Screaming_Soulcatcher

When did Santa Claus start taking advice from his hipster friends?
- DraculaMarth
 


Contest #85 (Originally ran 12/25/10)



Winning Caption:

Hhis is the real reason so many mall Santas are alcoholics.
- SirMax

Runners-Up:

A rare photograph from the live adaptation of "How the Cthulhu Worshippers Stole Christmas".
- DraculaMarth

And that was the day that Santa became the Santa Strangler, the infamous bad cosplayer serial killer.
- I Hate My Car

"Ho, ho, ho. You two are going to some very sad, lonely fangirls."
- Yaoi Huntress Earth



Contest #86 (Originally ran 1/08/11)



Winning Caption:

And you thought saying someone was beaten with the ugly stick was a form of expression. Buy this fabulous product now! Comes with free mini-noose so your pets can hang themselves!
- Arc Baltic

Runners-Up:

"Kneel before the Toilet Seat of Desecration, mortal!"
- Al_Cone

"By the power of Numbskull, I am... Bondage-(wo)Man!"
- Max-Vader



Contest #87 (Originally ran 1/22/11)



Winning Caption:

Today on Wrestlers Even TNA Wouldn't Touch: Brokeback Mountain-Man!
- Max-Vader

Runners-Up:

Today on The Otaku Hunter, our hero will be wrestling the mighty Neck-bearded Evangelion Fanboy.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth

Yes Ryoga, you did take a bath in the spring of the drowned man. Unfortunately that man was a middle-aged porn star who wanted to star in a movie titled "Indiana Junks and the Temple of Fellatio".
- Maniak



Contest #88 (Originally ran 2/05/11)



Winning Caption:

Fresh new cosplay from this year's Chernobylcon!
- Badass Overlord

Runners-Up:

The one on the right isn't cosplaying. The one on the left just hasn't been keeping up with her feminine hygiene.
- Shmeckie

The exterminator was going to start spraying for cosplayers later in the week, but it appears that they've prepared for just such an occasion.
- Al_Cone



Contest #89 (Originally ran 2/26/11)



Winning Caption:

After his embarrassing performance against Goku, Freeza could only find solace in ice-cream and cotton candy.
- Max-Vader

Runners-Up:

In order to generate more sales, Stay Puft Marshmallows decided to advertise to the lonely nerd demographic.
- Badass Overlord

To this day, the Michelin Man's son continues to disappoint him.
- Yaoi Huntress Earth



Contest #90 (Originally ran 3/12/11)



Winning Caption:

And the subject of today's game of Male or Female is our centre "cosplayer." Remember that it doesn't matter who gets it right, because we all lose anyway.
- 9@Night

Runners-Up:

Attempts to rehabilitate people with CCC (Chronic Cosplay Condition) often include moving that obsession to other activities. Including base jumping. The ongoing theory is that they will either get better, or... well...
- oneluckyduck

This new J-pop band wanted to perform at their first live concert, but the guard didn't let them through because he mistook them for walking garbage bags.
- P Dot Alex



That's it for this collection, folks. If all that somehow failed to sate your appetite for appallingly bad costumes, check out the Unseen Horrors Showcase for ten more snapshots of haberdisasters that didn't quite make the cut as subjects in the CCC for various reasons.

Want to join in on the captioning fun and have a chance at achieving internet fame? Just sign up an account on the Project AFTER Forums and submit your own cuttingly clever comments to the Cosplay Caption Contest! Captioning amateurs welcome.