Part VII: "Grim Tales From Down Below" 

(As seen at grim.snafu-comics.com)

 

Good-fuck mother-fuck fuck-fuck! I am aghast at the utter, unbridled INSANITY of the comic I am about to review. Thank god for my Story-Art-Author format, or else I would have no idea where to start. I'm still having a hard time digesting it. I still find it hard to believe that this comic exists, or that I actually saw what I saw.

I guess a good place to start would be announcing that this review is the beginning of what I'll call "The Bleedman Chronicles". Because there's just way too much crazy shit out there with Bleedman's name attached to it to be confined within a single installment of Comic Release. Before we dive into this thing proper, let me set the stage here...

Perhaps you've heard of Snafu Comics? No? Well, it's a site housing several comics by different artists. One is good (Sticky Floors; a legitimately funny--or at least it was, in the beginning--comic by Matt Herms, who is an artist I have enjoyed for awhile now), one looks like it could be good over time (Ever After), and the rest suck (I mean they seriously, really fucking suck). There are several comics on there, though, done by a disturbing fella named Bleedman. Bleedman creeps me out, and his creepiness is apparent by the lolicon-lookin' drawing of Roll on his little update avatar thing (at the time this article was first written, anyway--I'm sure he'll eventually change it to a nude picture of his 4-year-old niece, or something). And just go and look at his DeviantART gallery (between all those pages lies a disturbing amount of diminutive characters, with a very "lolicon" feel). I strongly suspect him of being a child molester...

Now, this nutbag has MULTIPLE comics on the internet. Apparently, one shot of utter insanity just wasn't enough. This guy seems obsessed with doing Cartoon Network crossovers, laced with melodrama of the highest caliber, with plenty of pure and utter bizarreness. This one's gonna be quite a trip, folks. Imagine a Six Flags coaster that runs through an asylum. I'll be taking you on that kind of ride.


The Story
 

H'okay... Here we go... Y'know that show on Cartoon Network, called The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy? Well, I've never seen it, but I've seen the commercials, and an old friend of mine I don't talk to anymore used to watch it (he watched tons of kids' cartoons). Apparently, it has the Grim Reaper, with a Jamaican accent, babysitting these two kids, and they go on all sorts of wacky adventures. Well, this comic has the madman premise that the Grim Reaper got married to the little girl he was babysitting (Mandy), who is now an adult, and doesn't wear pants anymore. Their two children, Grim Jr. (who has an inexplicable tuft of brown hair on his skeletal head--I love it when anime whores' need to make things Japanese-y reaches the point where their character designs stop making sense), and Minimandy. Yeah. Minimandy. I guess "Mini" is the girl form of "Jr.", for parents who can't be bothered to actually give their children unique names. Apparently, the reaper and his May-December bride can't be bothered to even name their children "Doug", "Amanda", or something fucking common... The hell're they gonna do if they have a third kid?! Name him "Uhhhhh..."?!

Grim Jr. is an obvious attempt at being "kawaii", what with his chibi look, and the hoodie that's supposed to be like his dad's cloak. Minimandy is some lolicon bitch who talks in ridiculous old English. How ridiculous, you ask? Well, a normal person would say "Hey, I would like a sandwich," while Minimandy would say "Forsooth, knave, I wish to partake in the breaded meal that thine Earl of Sandwich hath invented to satisfy mine hunger. Thou shalt fetch me one, posthaste!" Yeah... Not joking on that one, that's how she talks. So anyway, it starts with the kids having a curiosity-driven adventure in Hell (I mean the actual dwelling place of damned souls here, not the figurative sort of "hell" I use to describe my own life). And who do they meet in Hell?

Brace yourselves. You won't see this coming...

Ready...?

 

Y'know, normally, I fantasize about awesome, murderous characters busting into

shitty comics and fanfics. But now that it's actually happened...


THE FUCKING VIOLATOR! As in "the bad guy from Spawn". THAT Violator.

And who shows up to save the kiddies from Violator?

FUCKING SPAWN!

Spawn has a cameo in this thing! And considering that the great Todd MacFarlane did not draw him, he is cartoony, and made of rainbows and suck. So after the kids escape Hell, the Grim Reaper and his child bride decide to show the kids where Halloween comes from... You see what's coming now, don't you? You're saying to yourself, "No... No... He's not gonna go there... Ain't no way..." Well, way, my friend. They all head on over to Halloween Town from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and several pages replay the opening musical number from that movie. Now, it was about that time that I drove a railroad spike through my head to make it stop. Unfortunately, the spike somehow failed to destroy brain, and I survived... And damn, I wish I hadn't. So, there's a party at Halloween Town for whatever reason, and Jack Skellington is apparently related to the Grim Reaper (from that Cartoon Network show, lemme remind ya). There's some dancing, and Grim Jr. break dances, and it's supposed to be funny, but I just ended up driving another railroad spike through my head, perplexed that it didn't kill me. I did laugh madly, to the comic's credit, but it was due to my loss of sanity, and not any hilarious cuteness on the comic's part.
 

That movie is to be shunned, dammit, not referenced!


...Served.... AAAAAUGH! WHERE'S MY SPIKES?!

Damn, that's three now, and I'm still here... Well, in any case, Grim Jr. goes to sulk because he fell down, and he's abducted by Lock, Shock, and Barrel, who are now all anime-ified (and a lot less creepy than they originally were), and they invite Grim Jr. to join their club. For reasons unknown, other than pure exposition, Grim reads them his father's diary that he stole, and that's where things gets REALLY fucked up... In this Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy/Spawn/Nightmare Before Christmas crossover fanfiction comic...

It retells the story of Grim Adventures, and makes the pairing of the Reaper and Mandy even more creepy by showing her as a kid. It goes through the show's premise, and how the Reaper was so fond of them, yadda yadda yadda... Anyway, they were supposed to die, but the Reaper didn't wanna kill 'em, and Mandy finds out, blah blah blah. Oh, and she has a poster of Hitler in her bedroom. Subtle. Apparently, in the show, Mandy was a dark and evil child, or something to that effect. I'm pretty sure she didn't have an Adolf Hitler poster hanging over her bed, though. Maybe Cartoon Network just cut that part out, and it shows up on the DVDs... Anyway, Grim stops hanging out with the kids (after writing off co-lead Billy in typical fanfiction fashion), and Mandy becomes a left-wing assassin despot (not my interpretation, mind you), and there's a cameo of Coop from Megas XLR (which enrages me because I loved that show). The damn comic goes to great lengths to present Mandy as the all-evil. A villainous Mary Sue, if you will. Then, when she becomes an adult, Grim proposes to her for retarded reasons (as Joe Black, no less, for a cameo that made me pause for a second). I should mention that the comic hints at Grim being fascinated by Mandy at a creepily early age... It's really quite disturbing.

Oh yeah, and Billy Kincaid, from Spawn, makes a cameo. You know Billy... The child murderer who drove an ice cream truck that Spawn, in a most awesome act, impaled naked with a bunch of ice cream sticks with an awesome message left on the corpse... Yeah, he appears. What the fuck... So anyway, yeah, Grim proposes to Mandy.

And that's when things start to get tasteless as all fuck... Oh boy... I dunno how to set this up, so I'll just go and blurt it out...

NINE ELEVEN! THE SUNNUVA BITCH PUTS NINE ELEVEN IN HIS DUMBASS STORY! Apparently, Mandy orchestrated 9/11 in an effort to kill lots of people and start the War on Terror, which she planned... THE FUCK?! YOU CAN'T EVEN ARGUE FOR THAT NO MATTER HOW ARTSY-FARTSY YOU ARE! I DON'T CARE WHAT ARTISTIC DIRECTION YOU WANNA TAKE YOUR DUMBASS COMIC IN, THAT'S IN-FUCKING-DEFENSIBLE!

On Bleedman's gallery, the comic is hidden by a splash page that warns about the pages to "whiny people who are easily offended", or something like that. Motherfucker, I am not the kind who is easily offended. Hell, I offend others on a regular god damned basis. It takes a LOT to offend me, but integrating your characters into 9/11 like this (and the comic also implies Grim was behind the Nazis, that famous photo of the Asian man with the gun to his head, etc.) is so beyond tasteless and revolting, that I do believe I would like to see harm done to you, as some kind of karma deal. No, y'know what? I hope you get to experience a tragedy that kills members of your own family. Mm-hm, I do. Why? So that I can make a comic that involves said tragedy, that integrates my characters into the events that took your family members' lives, just so you get a taste of your own Waterworld piss-drink! I know it was "just a joke", but I don't care!

 

This isn't something you joke about, or write into your fucking Cartoon Network fanfiction! This isn't pushing the envelope, this is just asinine! Howard Stern pushed the envelope! This is an act of some na´ve, anti-social shut-in, that has no concept of what you should and shouldn't do, because the fuck has had so little contact with flesh-and-blood people, he has no fathomable idea of what "tact" is! Or of what you just fucking don't do! That whole plot point was in such bad taste, I cannot describe it with words.
 

Go to hell.


Making it even worse was the jokes and cartoony imagery surrounding it. Mandy's drawing, that planned out the attacks, is probably what drove me as mad as I am. Normally I would just be pissed, but those four panels on that one page have instilled in me a rage that won't be going away for awhile! And making it worse is how everyone seemed to kiss his ass over this shit, and say how fucking BRAVE he was for doing it! This is going to stretch this article out a great deal, but I want you to read what Bleedman had to say about these pages, so you can know why I want the mafia to break his fucking legs as bad as I do:

I felt a bit nervous when I started making these pages. And I can truly understand if I have made some people very upset over it .But at least hear me out..

I too am entitled to express my point of view.

I was just trying to find ways how I can relate the concept of the characters with our real world.

I guess we'll start off with Mandy. What I love about Mandy as a character is that she sees the real world, not some idealistic "only good and justice prevails freedom for all and love is everything screwed up" wonderland.

Although she's just a fictitous cartoon character, for me she's someone I can trully relate in our world.

You can't really blame Mandy for what she did, she's only doing her job as the Grim Reaper, sure she made the plans. But that's what every Grim Reaper should do (remember the movie Final Destination) At the same time Mandy is a reincarnation of all evil, her existence is the source of humanity's darkest and most cruel essence. While Billy on the other hand and is a representation and a source of man's stupidity .And because mankind welcomes both evil and stupidity so willingly Mandy is able to carry out her plans.

In short, Mandy simply presented her ideas to mankind and mankind simply accepted it with open arms.

( Because we am dumb and bad humans.)

And as for the natural disasters she came up, let's just say she had an appointment with Mother Nature.

These things happen because I believe there is a Billy and a Mandy in all of us, we can be stupid and evil, and with it comes our bestest friend, The Grim Reaper.

We have no one but ourselves to blame.

A couple of themes I want to point out is... "Will humanity ever learn?" ...I guess not.

Is Mother Earth pissed ? I guess so.

That's what I like about comics, add a pinch of idea based from our real world. To help remind us of things and never ever forget.

Things like our wounds, and I'm talking not just America's wounds, I'm also talking about Iraq , Indonesia , Sri Lanka and every other country that's facing hell.

So please look at it not just in your own nation's perspective, but through other countries as well.

Try to look at the wounds through the eyes of the whole world you self-centered bastards.

The wounds are painful and have yet to heal , well it shouldn't.

Cause it's only through these wounds that you can become Hard-ass.

It's the only thing that makes you stronger.

Pain and suffering is part of life, it's what my pappy taught me.

These things happen and will continue to happen so you better get used to it and face it you bunch of wuss.

The images I used were not intended as a mockery or a tribute, but a slap in your face to remind you that life is not all sugarpuffs and candycorns.

Life can be cruel, very ,very cruel. Life's a bitch, and so is Death.

If you feel offended, angry or pissed right now....well ,you should be. If you feel the urge to email me concerning this issue do so. Emails, hatemails, flamemails. You have every right to.

Ok I was just kidding about the " Especially if you're a wuss who whines a lot" thing on the warning page. Seriously, speak up.

If you have something to say about these pages positive or negative, or that I'm a heartless dick, say it. You wanna make a political issue out of this, knock yourselves out.

Please comment and spare your 2 cents.

God bless America.

Allah bless Iraq.

P.S. I took a big risk making these pages, and if I so seriously give a horse shit about my reputation just so people can love me and praise me I wouldn't bother posting this in the first place. But I don't, so hate me, flame me. However, I still give a damn about respecting other people's feelings and opinions.

So I want to apologize to everyone I offended. I'll be posting a poll on Deviant art whether these pages should stay or not.

Technically the grim tales storyline can go on without it. If Majority says to have them removed then so be it.

You people decide.

Bleedman

Rot in hell, you psycho! You're going to make light of the worst tragedy in the history of an entire country because you wanna read deep, philosophical metaphors in a motherfucking CHILDREN'S CARTOON?! There is not a "Billy and Mandy in all of us", you sick sack of SHIT! God, that's like something someone would say if they were doing a parody of you on a sketch comedy show!

I do believe I'll take you up on that "hate me, flame me" offer, join a religion, and pray to that religion's highest deity that you're beaten with a blunt instrument until even the Devil himself cringes at the horrors I have wrought upon you! How's that for a flame!?

And at that point, I stopped reading. All I can tell you is that, later in the comic, Oogie Boogie appears, inexplicably alive, and there's a fight between him and Minimandy. All I say is fuck Bleedman in the ass until he lives up to his name.

There are only a select few things that you are not supposed to make light of. 9/11 is pretty god damn high on that list. There's more to this comic's insane story to mock, but as for me, I am done!

...Okay, I had to go back to the comic... Really, I did, and it actually gets crazier! There's tentacle powers, gore, incest (seriously, Bleedman has eluded, inside the comic and out, that Grim Jr. and Minimandy are gonna give a new meaning to the term "all in the family"), and the Redeemer from Spawn shows up. What the fucking hell...


The Art


It's hard to go on with this article after all that, but I will... Although he is absolutely tactless and insane, Bleedman is a pretty good artist, and that seems to make this comic actually worse than it would've been. Why? Because if it was poorly-drawn, I could dismiss this as some stupid kid's attempt at getting attention or whatever. But the fact that an experienced, competent artist is doing this knocks it up from stupidity and lack of talent to complete and utter insanity.


The Author


Many of my comments on Bleedman (known to his family, and possibly the FBI, as Vinson Ngo) have already been said, and this article is a monstrosity as it is... However, I'd like to reiterate that there is something seriously wrong with him. Between his odd, loli-like characters, to his bizarre fascination with dramatizing Cartoon Network shows, I suspect Ngo has major issues many of us cannot begin to fathom. Hell, is he even aware that little girls' skirts tend to hang downward, due to gravity, or are all the skirts in his homeland lighter than air? However, whatever may have made him this fucked up is eclipsed, to me, by my complete and utter contempt for the man. Not just for integrating 9/11 into his fanfiction-comic, but his overall insanity. I cannot begin to comprehend how a man could see parallels to life and humanity in a children's cartoon, or why anyone would make a splash image with a 10-year-old-lookin' girl wearing a grim reaper cloak with nothing underneath! Totally a child molester...
 

Looks like someone's been hard at work studying their new

copy of "How To Draw Manga: Pedophile Edition"


Despite the obvious and numerous reasons for hating him, this man is ridiculously popular. He's actually the most watched artist on DeviantART, if you can believe it. And isn't that just the most ironically apt thing, considering that this man is a sexual deviant. I have seen people defend him with fervor unseen by most, though they are unable to even explain away the pedophiliac arts.

There's more to tell, but that'll have to wait for part 2. Stay tuned, folks, because in the next episode of The Bleedman Chronicles, the author section will showcase some of his most indisputably pedophiliac pictures! After seeing them, it will be undeniable that this man finds children sexually attractive. Undeniable. I cannot emphasize this enough:

Vinson "Bleedman" Ngo is a pedophile. There is nothing in the world to refute this, and everything to support it. Ngo is a pedophile, and a potential danger to children.


In Conclusion...


Vinson Ngo can roll over and die. How's that for a closing remark?

- Cody Baier

 

 

Alex's AFTER Thoughts

 

For several days now, I've been trying to wrap my head around this comic's storyline, and so far, every attempt has been met with dismal failure. Darren Aronofsky could direct of remake of Jacob's Ladder written by Carlton Mellick III, with a blind alcoholic child as the director of photography, and the resulting film would make more sense than Grim Tales From Down Below.

Once I decided it was better not to waste my time pondering the impossible, I turned my thoughts away from the comic itself and began wondering how someone could come up with something like this. Thankfully, the answer to that question was way more obvious: Cocaine. Lots of it.

Although it goes against my nature, I assure you I'm being extremely kind in my assumption that drugs had a part to play in Bleedman's creative process. I say this because, had he not been high as a kite while planning, drawing, and publishing this comic, then sweet Lord Jesus, why is this man not locked up in some sort of facility where I'm assured he has no chance of harming me or the people I love. I think most of the artists responsible for the webcomics we review in Comic Release are crazy to the extent where they might hear voices that aren't there and stare at walls in dark rooms for hours until they suddenly break out laughing hysterically, but for the most part, they're probably harmless unless provoked. Bleedman, on the other hand, strikes me as being the kind of crazy where no one is really surprised when they unmask the psychotic killer who just dismembered a family of five with a chainsaw and see his grinning face staring back at them.

Just imagine, for a moment, what must be going through his head as he writes this comic. I think it might go a little something like this:

"Here we go, alright, awesome comic time, okay, so like, Grim Jr. and Minimandy are walking through his cave, okay, but the cave is HELL, and suddenly this evil demon guy from Spawn jumps out but holy shit then Spawn jumps out and he's fighting him it's oh my god we cut to this awesome flashback and there's this SICK rave/party/whatever at Halloween Town and JACK FUCKING SKELLINGTON is there and ALL this crazy shit happens then we cut to ANOTHER flashback and Billy DIES IT'S SO HARDCORE and then there's this shit about 9/11 and WAR and then Oogie Boogie shitbusts in and kidnaps Grim Jr. and Minimandy JUST LOSES IT and there's NAZIS and then this guy totally kills all these tons of--"

And it just goes on like that, until Bleedman passes out from exhaustion, then wakes up two days later in a pool of his own puke, with a wrecked minivan in his front yard and three dead preteen girls tied up in his closet.

After seeing what unspeakable horrors this man's mind is capable of producing (with the aid of illegal substances or not), I can only imagine what kind of twisted crossover comic awaits us in the next part of The Bleedman Chronicles. This is a total shot in the dark, but I'm guessing it's going to be based around Hello Kitty, except it's going to be all EXTREME and loaded up with so much violence that it destroys the brain cells of anyone who uses logic when they think of things that should go together.

"Okay, okay, so like, Hello Kitty is talking with her friend Miffy, okay, and they're talking, talking, and then BAM! Hello Kitty gets all pissed and rips Miffy's head off and there's this AWESOME blood geyser that rockets into the sky and then all these like MILLIONS of zombies show up and Hello Kitty is all 'DIE YOU FUCKING ZOMBIES!!' and she whips out this Uzi and starts blowing 'em away and ALL this crazy shit is happening and then this humungous demon serpent SHOOTS out of the ground and Hello Kitty jumps on its head and she's controlling it right, and it flies over the city and there's all this lightning and Hello Kitty is pumping THOUSANDS of rounds into these zombies and goddamn it's so intense and then there's SUPER close-up of Hello Kitty's face and you can see all this stuff burning in her eyes and then she rips off her underwear and starts shitting out nuclear bombs all over the city and everyone and everything is BURNING then suddenly this MASSIVE portal to HELL opens up and Daffy Duck jumps out but then he tears his face off and oh my god it's Hitler's face and Hitler vomits up all this acid ALL OVER the zombies and they're all melting and then Spawn teleports in and kicks over a building and runs over and high-fives Hitler and he's all like 'FUCK YEAH HITLER WE SAVED CHRISTMAS!!!' but then all these other zombies roll up and they're riding these wicked bikes made out of the skulls of everyone who died in every terrorist attack EVER and then Hello Kitty screams and pulls out this fucking awesome sword and then she cuts like fifty zombies in half while HOLY SHIT I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!"

"God bless America" is right, Bleedman.

 

'Till next time!

MANGA! ...I think.