Part VIII: "Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi" 

(As seen at ppg.snafu-comics.com)

 

Well well well, it's been a long time since the last Comic Release, hasn't it? Before we jump into the next installment of "The Bleedman Chronicles", I'd like to take a moment and briefly introduce myself. I'm Max-Vader, one of the members of this website's fine forum community, and I will be continuing Comic Release now that Cody Baier has become too busy with other projects (like entering rehab).

 

As for me, I love One Piece, hate Neon Genesis Evangelion, and loathe webcomic-writing philistines like Vinson "Bleedman" Ngo. Reviewing all the horrible webmangas that await me will be no easy task, but regardless, dear reader, all I can do is keep moving forward and keep this cynical tradition alive. Let's find that exit they call paradise.


The Story
 

Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi is basically a gigantic crossover with every Cartoon Network show ever and the voices in Bleedman's head. The focus is on two shows in particular — Powerpuff Girls (which I hate) and Dexter's Laboratory (which I barely know anything about). The girls from PPG have been transformed from obnoxious little children who abuse their superpowers into Bleedman's personal fap-fantasy. Meanwhile, Dexter is... well, he's pretty much the incarnation of what Bleedman does to the cast members of shows he steals; a character from a fairly lighthearted cartoon show that has been turned into an angsty shell of his former self. If you combine Dr. Frankenstein, Dr. Horrible and Shadow the Hedgehog while sucking all the personality, redeeming qualities and fun out of them and replace it with 100% Evangelion-brand angst, you'd basically get Bleedman's version of Dexter. And he's the main character.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning... To kick things off, we get a shitty cover that shows us that Bleedman wasn't always the mediocre artist he is today. He was actually worse at one time. He didn't seem to give a shit about the anatomy of his characters, but he sure paid close attention when it came to inserting his personal logo in the dead center of the cover. Right now I'm a bit too surprised how much Emo-Dexter looks like a young Dr. Horrible with bad hair to look at anything else, honestly. Moving on to page two, we see the torso of Professor Utonium telling the girls that they're moving from Townsville to Megaville — what, did Crossoverville slip your mind, Bleedman? — and I can finally get a proper look at our female lea-- OH FUCK.

 

Stay classy, Bleedman.


By Big Boss' manly beard, is this supposed to be a Powerpuff Girls crossover comic or "Lolita the Porno 3: Cloning Cuties"? I mean damn, those are some short skirts. I've seen anime schoolgirls getting violated by tentacles who were showing off less skin. On the plus side, this picture makes talking about the personalities (if you can call them that) of the main characters unnecessary, because they are one-dimensional enough to be summed up in this one image alone. There's the Shy One, the Angry One, and the Generic Leader-ish, Girly One (who craves the tiny dick of our emo protagonist, by the way). I can see Bleeedman put a lot of effort into this to make sure he was creating interesting, well-rounded characters. By which I mean he was doing nothing but jerking off.

I am aware, by the way, that the original Powerpuff Girls had similarly flat personas to begin with. As you'll soon see, however, this comic takes such an astounding number of liberties with the source material that Bleedman had no excuse not to make the tiny-titted trio a bit more interesting in the personality department.

The Powerpuff Girls soon get introduced to their new teacher, who looks like the standard big-breasted teacher you've seen in every anime and hentai ever made. Since actual womanly naughty bits are icky to Bleedman, however, we won't see her put those puppies to good use anytime soon. Apparently her name is Meryl. Why she is called that, I have no Idea.

Also, Professor Utonium's face gets revealed and he looks... well, he looks... GAY. No seriously, take a look if you think I'm exaggerating. He makes Kaworu from Evangelion look like the straightest man alive.

So yeah, Prof. Poof pisses off and the girls introduce themselves with one of their overblown super-sentai poses. The students actually have a normal reaction: They laugh. Except Dexter, of course. He approaches them later in the schoolyard, claims to be a Superhero himself and challenges them to a fight. Buttercup immediately agrees, like the adrenaline-fueled retard that she is. Also, for a superhero she's not only pretty reckless but also immoral. Even if a seemingly normal stranger challenges you to a fight, you shouldn't try kicking him in the face with your full power if you've got enough super-strength to bust through cement walls. It will most likely kill him. It seems someone needs a lesson or two from Batman.

Obviously Dexter doesn't die because then the comic would be over, or at least more interesting. Instead, he is suddenly inside a crappy-looking robot suit. Since there was no place where he could have hid it, I can only assume he pulled it out of his ass. What a perfect analogy for this entire comic. Anyway, they fight for a while and Dexter finally grabs Buttercup by the leg and asks her to give up. For no reason, Blossom sneak-attacks him even though there was no danger at all. Good grief, they aren't superheroes, they're just children who like abusing their undeserved powers. Ever heard of responsibility? No? Do I have to get Spiderman in here, too?

Also, the last panel has pencil-lines all over it which is an attempt to look stylized (I guess), but just comes off looking like the panel hasn't been finished. It carries over to the next fight too, because they predictably team up and kick Dexter's ass. Then, after he's down, they attack him with energy-blasts. Because heroes always kill their opponent when he was already beaten and didn't even do anything evil. The protagonists don't act like heroes, they aren't even on the level of villains, they act like Superboy Prime. And that is not something you should make your main characters. Fortunately for them, Dexter manages to deflect their killing blow and causes an explosion. Fucking fight scenes, how do they work?!

Suddenly, Samurai-teacher appears. Because Bleedman needs to find an outlet for his Japanophilia. At least we finally get a glimpse of the villains of this boring story. I can't even describe them properly. This is godawful. FUCKING LOOK AT THIS SHIT!

 

Words fail me.


Oh boy do I feel threatened by those guys! There's the four-eyed blob of shit, the white-haired emo-loli, gay Mechagodzilla... Truly all formidable opponents.

If you are done laughing and/or killing yourself after seeing this, we get a pointless six-page mini-comic next. Bleedman tells us we will get an important moral at the end. The short version of the story is the girls are in a training simulation but Buttercup pretends to be a Super-Saiyan. and then Bubbles acts like Sailor Moon. The oh-so-important moral? "Too much anime can be addictive." Damn Bleedman, you are really teaching our little youngins out there some important shit! Anime can be addictive? No fucking shit, I figured that out when I stayed up all night watching the Impel Down arc. Totally worth it, by the way.

As the next chapter begins, we learn that the Samurai's name is Jack. Oh great, yet another character from a show I have never watched. Thank you Bleedman, your audience isn't confused enough already. This is one of the reasons why most crossovers fucking suck.

Jack lectures the girls and assigns Dexter the responsibility of showing them around school, because apparently he has the authority to do that. GEEZ, I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THIS ONE COMING. Then Bubbles's ADD starts kicking in and she plays with a pink dog named Courage. Good fucking luck following this story if you don't watch a shitload of cartoons, by the way.

Jack has a flashback about the mutt and I am so beyond caring right now it's not even funny. He and Bubbles go away and Dexter starts blushing when Blossom asks him to tell them more about Jack. Apparently the guy is super-amazing at damn near everything. You might as well call him Samurai-Jesus.

Meanwhile, Bubbles plays with the dog when suddenly a robo-dinosaur appears. Hey, why not. Courage gets Dexter and the rest of the girls and the fight begins. The battle is boringly one-sided with everyone getting their asses kicked until Jack shows up and saves the day with the amazing power of Samurai ex Machina. Oh, and Buttercup has a crush on him now. Awww. Makes me wanna hurl.

Apparently Mojo Jojo was behind the moster or some shit and watches them from a corner like a creepy pervert. And he looks like Anime-Beastboy with a beard now. What the fuck. He gives his usual "curses, foiled again"-speech, but then the white-haired loli appears and talks down to him and WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE LEGS?!

 

"'Anatomy'? What's that? A brand of girls' underwear?"


Bell, as she is called, starts choking him (I bet Bleedman wishes he was Anime Mojo Jojo right now) and says her father wants to talk to him. We also see her "friends", which are four more shitty monster designs. Joy.

Chapter three begins with the main character from that horrible My Life as a Teenage Robot cartoon getting curbstomped by the Rowdyruff... Boys? Seriously, those guys are so goddamn androgynous, they have transcended "Bishonen" and reached "FUCKING HELL THAT'S GAY". The robot's "mother" is pissed off at the guy who controls the boys, and I have no idea what's going on anymore. Again. I did manage to figure out their stock personalities though. Butch (a fitting name for Buttercup's counterpart) is a retarded bully, Brick is the "evil leader"-type with ambitions to be the best, and Boomer is a daydreamer who's into girls. Meh. It's sad that I consider this to be a slight improvement of the girls.

The girls have their second day at school, and get greeted by Tootie from Fairly OddParents. Because if there's one thing a comic like this needs, it's obnoxious evil stalkers. She and the other girls have founded a Buttercup fanclub, because she was so "heroic". Yes, getting eaten by monsters is very impressive. Also, every girl at that goddamn school gets moist over "Sensei" Jack, which is kinda creepy actually.

In yet another pointless scene, we get to see the robot from earlier getting repaired by her "mother" and... some guy who wants to bone her. Seriously. What is this, CWCville?

Back at the school, Dexter and Blossom bump into each other while he was carrying books. Good gravy Bleedman, you really want to use every cliché in the book, don't you? She even says his eyes are "beautiful". Maybe she noticed that Bleedman started drawing him even gayer now...?

In an extremely disturbing scene, Blossom thinks that she hasn't made any friends yet. It seems innocent enough, but the fact that Bleedman writes this and the fact that her dialogue implies that Buttercup has lesbian orgies and she's into bestiality sends shivers down my spine. Oh, and in the most "hilarious" of circumstances she tries to befriend Mandy, who for those that do not know is the incarnation of evil in her show. Oh, the ham-fisted irony! Also, I haven't mentioned it until now, but the constant panty shots are really bothering me. Seriously, there's almost as much underwear on display here than in a Victoria's Secret catalogue. And the would-be models are barely in elementary school, for fuck's sake!

Somewhere else, white-haired loli brings Mojo Jojo before some kind of techno-chair with monitors in an environment where plants have fused with machines. I don't know what it is, but it looks retarded. And on the chair sits Invader Zim with that stupid dog-puppet thing all the asswipes on the internet seem to love for some reason. Disregarding that, Zim explains that this ugly place is called "Black Eden" (lame), but gets interrupted by the real villains and is immediately sent off to cleaning duty. The aforementioned four-eyed blob of shit introduces himself to the Beastboy-lookalike Mojo Jojo as Dr. X (LAME). Then there's a group of insect-machine-monsters called the Darkstar Council who want to conquer Earth as well (LA-- oh, you get the idea). They work together and need Mojo Jojo to give them information on the Powerpuff Girls for some stupid evil plan. It's so convoluted that I'm not going to bother recapping it.

Moving on, Dr. Dumbass introduces us to Mandark, an evil boy genius who wants revenge on Dexter for a later-revealed reason that will make you want to shoot yourself from the sheer stupidity of it. He plans to use Blossom as "damsel in distress"-bait for his plan. Speaking of the little bitch, she finds Dexter's secret lab in the school by spying on him and discovers some abomination made out of flesh and machine parts, but Dexter soon finds her and throws her out so he can be emo. Then she talks to a character we have never seen before that just exists as a plot device that can spew exposition. It turns out that robot-thing is a replica of Dexter's dead sister, and to show what happened (as if anyone cares) he conveniently pulls the ability to do time travel out of his ass. This is honestly some of the laziest storytelling I have ever seen in any medium.

To spare you the boring details, here is the short version: DeeDee was retarded and always wrecked Dexter's lab but they still loved each other and whenever he needed sagely advice, he asked her for it (WHY?!). But then she suddenly went from an airhead to a semi-naked hippie-guru for the sake of the plot. Seriously.

 

I feel the same way, actually.


Okay, I actually have to interject something here, because what she says on that page is so goddamn stupid and disgusting. Her philosophy can be summed up as "curing people from injury or disease is wrong because it interferes with nature". Wrap your mind around that. Sure, it isn't nearly as twisted as Bleedmans 9/11-escapades in Grim Tales, but he still manages to offend me on a primal level, which is pretty hard to do. I am not going to get into this much, so I'm just saying that this kind of thinking has condemned millions of people to agonizing and completely preventable deaths and Bleedman should be ashamed for promoting it. That is all.

We skip forward in time and get to see the last fight between Dexter and his arch-rival Mandark. After Bleedman rips off Xiaolin Showdown, DeeDee throws herself in front of a death laser that was supposed to hit Dexter in such an overdramatic fashion that it's hard not to laugh. Mandark is all like "OH SHIT, NO!" and Dexter takes the first step toward becoming a full-fledged emo. Oh, and Grim gets a cameo to take DeeDee's soul away, just so you can get reminded of THAT horrible comic again.

Remember when I made a Frankenstein-comparison in the beginning? Well, Dexter does exactly that now. Using scrap-metal and some organs he probably borrowed from Franken Fran, he begins an operation to bring DeeDee back to life. And that... thing suddenly says he promised not to bring her back. I have been joking about this until now, bit it is really creepy. A sort of "what in the world is going through this lunatic's head that he thinks this is a good idea"-kind of creepy (and I suspect he fapped to this as well). Not to mention, this shouldn't even work. If something like a "soul" exists and the human body is incapable of functioning without one, then scientific necromancy is impossible by definition. Not that Bleedman would care about consistency or coherence or any of that boring stuff that just gets in the way of laser-show fight scenes and preteen panty flashing.

Dexter goes emo again and runs to DeeDee's grave, only to find Mandrak there. He is also emo now, because he loved DeeDee. And then we get... this bullshit:

 

Try not to laugh. I dare ya.


One rapid scene-change later, we are back at the school. Blossom took the stupid backstory a bit hard, so she sits on a hill and mopes. Goddamn, why are all the main characters such whiny bitches? We are reaching Naruto-levels of melodrama, here!

Stupid dog-puppet-thing appears again and the white-haired loli called Bell starts attacking Blossom whilst we are treated to a shitload of panty shots. Also, we get a really weak Matrix parody. And Blossom gets mad because she is weaker, I guess.

Chapter five continues the boring fight and, because Blossom sucks, she uses the dog-puppet as a shield to attack Bell. She breaks down crying, the puppet vomits on our female protagonist, and all is right again for her. Mandark appears, talks about "punishing mean little girls" (talk about a Freudian Slip for Bleedman — did he mix in some of his pick-up lines by mistake?) and sends the super-generic Darkstar-dumbasses after her.

Somewhere else, Mr. Plotdevice from earlier (called Otto) gets a package from Mandark, while Dexter dreams about Blossom, possibly while touching himself. Since Bleedman was too lazy to do anything himself, he simply inserted a lot of fanart for him into the panel. Which is pretty ironic, as you'll see later. Oh, and we get a cameo from Cosmo and Wanda. All these random-ass crossovers are starting to annoy me.

Otto calls up Dexter with the message he got from Mandark. It says they will end this tonight and he got Blossom, Dexter tells Otto not to let anyone interfere since it's HIS fight, blah blah blah you all know how the cliché goes. He then calls up Coop from Megas XLR, thus dragging yet another decent, undeserving show into this convoluted mess of a comic.

Blossom wakes up in Mandark's fortress, and he gives his villain-speech while dressed in a battle-suit that makes the Power Rangers look dignified. Meanwhile, Dexter and Coop have arrived and he uploads some kind of new battle data which turns out to be DeeDee's ballet-dancing. The previously cool mecha-truck looks really gay now. Mandark is stunned by this and dreams about DeeDee some more. And then he snaps out of it and sends a girl with a bee-robot after them. In case you are wondering, no, it doesn't make any more sense when you read it yourself.

Coop tells Dexter to go on alone, which he does. While he busts out the desperation-attacks (already?!), Dexter climbs the tower while Dr. Dumbass in pajamas and Invader Zim in a French Maid outfit (yes, you read that right) watch it on monitors like the perverts that they are.

The next few dozen pages are overflowing with shocking revelations that will leave you spellbound if you're really into the PPGD mythos, or facepalming dangerously hard if you're not an idiot. Through tons of agonizing exposition we lean that Mandark is emo because of his hippy parents, and he now follows Dr. Dumbass because Bell tricked him into believing she was an angel with a message from DeeDee. I find it funny that someone so obsessed with logic and science believes in angels just because a girl glued wings to her back and wears an obviously fake halo, but whatever. We also find out that Bell is the daughter of Dr. Dumbass (the fuck?), and learn the details of their evil scheme that no one cares about.

Before the next chapter begins, we get a shitty recap for the readers who have ADHD and have already forgotten what happened one page earlier. Dexter shows up for the climatic final battle with Mandark, which is oddly made up mostly of dumb sight gags. Meanwhile, Blossom is trapped in a glass tube and being slowly drowned as if this is Tank Girl all of the sudden.

Predictably, Dexter's love for Blossom lets him defeat Mandark. He smashes the glass, but Blossom is sorta dead already. Whoops! We see Grim (NOT AGAIN) try to take her soul but DeeDee appears as an angel to stop him and uses her "charm" to persuade him to let Blossom live. Hmm, that must be how he got together with Mandy... Who knew Grim was a pedophile.

After I almost had to puke from all the sappyness, Blossom comes back to life and gets hugged by Dexter. With Coop having won the surprisingly lame mech battle outside and the other two Powerpuff Girls showing up as reinforcements, all seems well for our heroes until Mandark decides to go Guy Fawkes on their asses and tries to blow everything sky-high in twenty seconds, himself included. Bleedman then tries to lighten the mood a bit with a cooties joke. It doesn't work.

Luckily for them, Coop saves everyone from the explosion. Well, except Mandark, that is. We then cut to Black Eden, where Dumbass and Zim play Destroy All Humans because Bleedman is the pinnacle of wit. Bell is upset for some reason and destroys the TV, blaming Dr. Dumbass for letting Mandark die. He then does... uh...

 

Yet another one of Bleedman's fantasies, no doubt.


Later on, Mandark's little sister appears in front of the rubble of his doom-fortress and picks his glasses up. Wow, what a total shocker. And so ends chapter seven, and the first "issue". You know, just like Highlander, there should have been only one. That alone is already painful enough, but no, Bleedman decided to write more. And thanks to that, we are treated to yet another of his ridiculous drama-wankfests... IN SPACE!

Ooookay, let's see... As I previously stated, this comic is abusively boring. However, this segment is even more pointless and uninteresting, so I will summarize it in one sentence: A snake-robot with tits from the Darkstar Council wants to destroy earth, a space-loli finds out, almost dies, and then gets rescued by a Silver Surfer-ripoff. There. I have summed up about a dozen pages where literally nothing happens. You're welcome.

Back on earth, Dexter is fighting the tentacle-monster of the week. He fails, but Blossom comes to save him by stealing Superman's ice-breath. Buttercup throws it in the air (while Bleedman draws her ass and even points it out in the title) and Bubbles smashes it. So much for interesting battles. Naturally, they fly back to school, where we get to see that Olga is now one of the students. Plus, she is the best dancer EVAR. Bubbles immediately speeds over to her table and a lot of blabbering later, Olga invites her to some dance try-outs. She drags Blossom along, and Dexter watches for some reason. We can also see Waldo in the audience, which is almost funny. Emphasis on almost.

The lights go out, and anyone with a brain immediately figures out that Olga is responsible so she could bring Dexter to fix them. He also accepts her offer to become stage manager, because he's kind of an idiot that way. Somewhere else, Buttercup is trying to learn Kendo from Sensei Jack. And by learning Kendo, I of course mean "beating the shit out of everybody". This gets her a parent-teacher conference. Professor Utonium is, of course, overjoyed. And I am still wondering what the point of all this is.

In yet another scene — yes, the comic is really jumping around that much — Dr. Dumbass has sent his daughter into space, so that she drops a huge hourglass on the moon. As it turns out I gave him quite an appropriate moniker, because he is a Haruhi Suzumiya fan. That explains a lot, actually. Anyway, Mandark's amazing emo-powers seem to have possessed Bell, because she starts moping that she doesn't have any friends. As if commanded, a Japanese space-prince (really) appears to befriend her, and I swear to the God-Emperor, if this guy gives even the slightest hint that he's a self-insert by Bleedman, then I am going to burn something. Preferably Bleedman.

On a side note, should you ever give up on life and get the desire to read this comic for yourself, try reading Bleedman's comments on the pages. They're some of the most hilarious/depressing pieces of writing you will ever see.

Back to Prince (as I will call him), he gets curious about the stupid dog-puppet, but Bell starts attacking him. After she has calmed down she asks him his name and he responds with one of the stupidest introductions ever.

 

WEE-A-BOO! WEE-A-BOO!


She then assumes he's a ghost for some reason and flies back to her dad. Yeah.

The most recent pages have jumped back to "sitcom anime" mode, with Jack (Daniels) and Professor Utonium coming up with wacky ways to control Buttercup's temper, Bubbles training to become a pop idol, Blossom pining for Dexter and his renewed emo-ways, and an utterly pointless beach scene added in so Bleedman can draw underage girls in skimpy swimsuits. Then things suddenly get dramatic again as Olga publicly accuses Dexter of killing her brother (although technically, the dumbass committed suicide) and tries to stab him.

Congratulations, you are now caught up on the plot of Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi! Bleedman will probably continue expanding it in weird and incest-y new directions, but fuck that noise. I am done.

Just a few more words about his writing in general before we (finally) move on: It is atrocious. The story has no consistent focus or flow, the pacing is all over the place, nothing makes sense, the characters' motives are a mystery for the most part, there is melodrama up the ass (even though this is based on children's cartoons), the fanservice is ridiculous, the exposition is unbearable, the fight scenes are disjointed, and everything is boring as fuck.

Whew. Alright, let's continue with...


The Art


Since this is Bleedman's earliest work and is still updated to this day (MAKE IT STOP), it is fair to say there is some observable improvement. Way too little for six years worth of practice, but there is at least a slight effort in the art department, even if the anatomy is as atrocious as ever. What I think happened is that Bleedman himself noticed that he can't draw proportions for shit, but instead of trying to improve, he just thought to himself, "Eh, I'll just make that my style and call it a day." In the real world we call that LAZY.

Bleedman's cutesy cartoon-style is actually fitting for the subject matter now (unlike with Grim Tales From Down Below), but seems jarringly out of place whenever it's Super Serious DRAMA Time. And the character (and monster) designs are shit. All the imported characters are hideous thanks to the original designs being mixed with clichéd anime features in the sloppiest way possible, and his "original" characters look even worse. And since he makes no effort to improve himself because his fans eat that shit up, he will likely never evolve his art skills far enough to get past all the mistakes that plague every image he draws.


The Author


Thanks to Cody, you're already familiar with some of Bleedman's pedophilic antics, so I'm going to tell you something else about him. As mentioned in the previous review, he is in fact the most popular "artist" on DeviantArt. And yet, although his over 9000 mouth-breathing fanboys love him (despite the fact that he's a completely reprehensible human being), he loathes all of his fans. Yes, he hates the people directly responsible for his fame.

How and why douchebags like Bleedman get so much recognition, I'll never know. There are millions of people out there more deserving of praise and admiration who would actually appreciate it that people like them and their work, yet this asshole has so much undeserved popularity it's not even funny. But what do you know, apparently filthy closet-pedophiles with gargantuan egos are popular with your average anime fanboy. Just ask Tim Buckley.


In Conclusion...


You know, it only slightly bothers me that people like Bleedman (read: walking advertisements for atheism) exist. The fact that many of them are so ridiculously popular, however, and constantly get showered with praise and accolades for half-assing utter shit is what pisses me off like all hell. Let's just hope that Bleedman either gets hit by a train, or his fanbase wakes up and realizes what a fucking talentless waste of space he is. Personally, I'm hoping for the former.

- Max-Vader

 

 

Alex's AFTER Thoughts

 

I despise terrible fanfiction. That fact should be obvious to anyone who has spent even a few minutes reading this website, but I think it deserves repeating here to emphasize my feelings about Powerpuff Girls Doujinshit. Bleedman's miserable magnum opus is, after all, essentially just another lousy crossover fanfiction in webcomic form. Subpar spelling and grammar don't comprise every single color in the awful fanfic rainbow; at its core, every bad fanfiction a poorly-conceived plot that exploits popular characters for the sake of the author's own twisted motives. PPGD fits that description perfectly, and the fact that it's made up of pictures instead of text does nothing to dilute how passionately I loathe its existence.

One reason I generally avoid reviewing crossover fanfiction on PA is because it's difficult to keep track of just how much I hate the author depending on what series and characters are being bastardized at any given moment. PPGD reminded me of this, as I experienced as wide range of anger while reading through the archives. While I could care less what Bleedman does to paper-thin heroines Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup (or, as I personally call them, Bitchy, Brain Damage, and Bisexual), seeing him bishounen-ify Dexter and the cast of Time Squad was much harder for me to take. And whenever Samurai Jack made an appearance, all I could think about was ripping off Bleedman's head and drop-kicking it into a grain thresher.

At least this is a comic that can bring people together; with so many different series featured, anyone with even a passing interest in cartoons is bound to have something they like get transformed into some hackneyed faux-anime bullshit. Whether you're black or white, Democrat or Republican, Muslim or Jew, you can always find some common ground with your fellow man knowing that all our favorite Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon characters have been utterly ruined by a maniac obsessed with Japan.

Something else I have to gripe about real quick is how ineptly Bleedman blends humor and drama (or what I'm sure he'd like us to interpret as humor and drama) in this comic. The plot frequently dives head-first into the most ridiculous, ham-fisted melodrama I've ever seen in any form of storytelling, and Bleedman's attempt to counterbalance that with comic relief consist of drawings of super-deformed characters doing something horribly unfunny shoved into the corner of every other page. Fucking seriously, Bleedman? That's your best effort to prevent your comic from becoming too overemotional?

To give you an idea of how effective these far-too-damn-numerous SD sight gags are, imagine a typical episode of Law & Order: SVU with all the overblown emotional theatrics that show is known for. Now imagine that, after the detectives have interviewed the sobbing rape victim of the week, Christopher Meloni's character attempts to lighten the mood a bit by pulling out a punching nun puppet and having it tell a series of knock-knock jokes. That kind of insane tonal shift happens so frequently in PPGD that it's hard not to think the comic is trying to make you have a seizure.

Heavy-handed drama does not mix with insultingly juvenile visual gags, just as western cartoon shows do not mix with an exaggerated anime aesthetic and a script pulled from some lonely otaku's archive of rejected manga storylines. Bleedman has such a poor sense of how to combine things that it's no wonder he thinks his limp little worm dick would look good stuffed inside a third grader's mouth.

Speaking of which, I know good ol' Cody left you folks with a promise that a certain hack artist's lust for little children would be explored in detail, but Max and I have decided to save that little slice of hell for the "Bleedman Chronicles" finale. While waiting for that, now might be a good time to take up excessively heavy drinking.

 

'Till next time!

MANGA! ...Or something.