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Episode 02: "Secrets of the Heart" - Part 2
(A 'DragonBall Z' fanfiction by Mz D)


Welcome back, devoted reader. If you're reading this after having viewed Part 1 of this fanfiction, then you're either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid (I'm guessing it's the second one). Don't think for a moment that things are going to get any better in the second half of this DBZ romance gone so very wrong, for I sincerely promise you that they don't. Or perhaps I'm just being too cynical... Maybe, in reality, I'm mocking a brilliant example of literary excellence and I'm just too narrow-minded to see it! And maybe, just maybe, if I believe hard enough, I'll be taking a stroll through the forest one day and happen to save a magical fairy from certain doom at the hands of an evil goblin and, as a reward for my heroics, she'll cast a spell that turns all the neighbor's dogs' crap in my yard into piles of gold and jewels! That sure would be swell.

What follows is the continuation of last episode's featured fanfiction, written by everybody's favorite "mad gangsta" fanfiction writer, Mz D. As I understand it, Bra has affections for Pan who has affections for Trunks who has affections for ditzy college girls, and no one has any idea what anyone else is feeling for them.

Wait a minute, these winding chains of unrequited love... I seem to recall hearing that exact same premise for a story somewhere before, but I can't remember where... Oh, that's right. It was in EVERY GODDAMN ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN!! To be fair, though, I think using characters from an anime series is a twist that few professional romance novelists would dare touch. Plus, the whole lesbian thing is somewhat original (if you can overlook all those "alternative" romance novels... which are actually quite plentiful nowadays, I guess).

In any case, if you're interested in finding out how this mad, mad love affaire concludes, then bust a move on down the page and check out my review for Part 2 of "Secrets of the Heart".

Oh yeah, and just like last time, the original story is in red text while my commentary is in white text. Aren't you glad I told that up front and saved you the 0.6 seconds it would have taken to figure that out on your own, assuming the unlikely scenario that you'd forgotten how the color code works since reading Episode #1? You're welcome, friend.

 


 

Trunks turned up in the afternoon just as expected.

Two hours late and stoned off his ass.

After all Bra's and Pan's efforts he barely registered the 1/4 Saiyan.
He was too eager to fight his father. He gave a glance at the two girls
and flew off. He didn't even notice the makeover.

"Oh Bra what did I do wrong." Pan sobbed in Bra's bedroom.


Bra: Well, for one thing, you listened to me.

"I did warn you it might take more than a dress and make-up to
convince him of your adulthood." Said Bra gently.


You have to swear more, and show an interest in mundane household upkeep, and complain about your boss not giving you enough time to finish that cost-benefit analysis of the Meyers account.

Bra let Pan cry on her shoulder. Not caring that her white blouse was
getting smudge marks on it.

"Stay for dinner. He might notice you then." Bra said. She secretly
wanted to spend more time with Pan.


So she's giving her more chances to become involved with her brother and ultimately leave her for good? Boy, Bra really needs to start thinking about the long-term consequences of her actions.

Pan sniffed back her tears. "Bra you're such a good friend." She then
noticed her top.

"Oh no my mascara and everything has marked your blouse."


Pan: That's weird... Why does the stain spell out "The Reaper Awaits You" backwards?

"Don't worry about it Pan. I've got others." Bra said patting her
blouse.

"We have to make a plan." Pan said firmly. "Trunks will notice me."


That seems like a somewhat oversimplified plan, but okay...

"Well if we clean you up, you'll be your pretty self in no time." Bra
brushed a tear from her cheek. She wanted to kiss those cheeks to take
all their pain away.

"I'll start up an adult conversation with him." Pan said
enthusiastically.


And I'm sure he'll fall madly in love with you once he hears your views on the foreign trade policies.

"Yeah Pan what can you talk about?" Bra looked at her smugly. She knew
how immature her brother could be.

"Umm.... his love life.....uh no." Pan's eyebrows sank into a deep
frown. "The weather.. oh lame. Oh Bra quit laughing and help." Bra was
holding back her giggles. Her friend was just too cute.


This whole fanfiction is too cute, and by "cute" I of course mean asinine. We know that Pan is naïve and inexperienced as far as dating goes, so rather than beating that fact into the ground with a sledgehammer and sugar-coating the hell out of everything to the point that it's like a kitten shooting you in the face with a hunting rifle full of glitter and rainbows, how about you try actually advancing the story and wrap up this piece-of-shit fic before I completely give up on searching for any redeeming factors about it and throw my computer into the river!

"I think in all honesty you should just be yourself." Bra tried to
look serious. Pan was a lost cause. The hole in her heart grew bigger.

"You should just go spar with him." Bra said smiling. Pan jumped up


...Ready to kick Bra right in the stomach for making such a ridiculous suggestion.

"Hey!" Bra grabbed her arm. "Don't fight in the dress get back into
your jeans."


Girl, get ghetto on his trippin' ass!

Pan fumbled the dress over her head. Pulling her jeans and orange
t-shirt on instead.

Bra tried not to watch but she couldn't help it.


Are girls really this laid back about getting naked in front of each other? I don't think I've even seen most of my friends without a shirt on, but if this fanfiction holds any truth, then every girl on earth could recount what her friends look like nude with such detail that a police sketch artist could produce drawings accurate enough to pass as medical records.

Pan flew out the window shouting a challenge to Trunks. Bra walked
out the back. Not really in the mood to fly. Trunks had heard her. He
accepted the challenge. He was keen to see what level the girl was at.


So are these supposed to be song lyrics, or is Mz D just unaware of the existence of the word "and"?

'Trunks is completely oblivious to her crush.' Bra thought.

Ah, yes, we've clearly established that by now.

"So how's my princess?"

Bra turned to her father and smiled. He was only really nice to her
and her mother. That was only when no-one was looking.


Vegeta gets a lot more physical in public for the sake of keeping up appearances.

"Not too bad Daddy." She tried to smile sweetly but it must have
appeared strained.


It always looks strained when Bra tries to do something that doesn't involve screaming or buying stuff.

"You look after yourself. Don't form bonds that can't be returned." He
swept some hair from her eyes and walked away.

Bra wasn't sure what he meant. It didn't concern her just now.


Don't worry folks. Vegeta's cryptic, fortune-cookie-esque advice will make sense to her later, when she needs to figure out how to beat the seemingly-invincible boss villain during the film's climax.

Bra watched Pan charge Trunks. Her face was flushed with the fight.
She couldn't help but feel the flutter in her heart. Trunks kicked
Pan and she came tumbling down to the ground. There was a loud slam as
she hit the dirt.


Now this is romance!

"Pan!" Bra shouted flying over to her. She was okay. She only had
a concussion.


Oh, is that all? Pssh, what a baby.

"Trunks you moron, stop fighting to win." Bra hit her brother across
his head. "You can be such a jerk!"

"Ow. Quit it ! That was an honest mistake." Trunks rubbed his lump.


Whoa! Jeez! I don't want to read about that!

"I thought she would have ducked or blocked."

"idiot!" Bra hit him again. Trunks blocked most of her attacks but Bra
was just so angry with him.

"Man what's got into you Bra. You'd think I'd hit your lover or
something." Trunks teased.


Subtle hints should be whispered, not carved into the back of your eyelids with a Bowie knife.

Bra's colour drained from her face.

"Shut up pervert!" She grabbed Pan and flew her to the infirmary.


Or rather, the tool shed in the backyard Bra liked to call the "infirmary" because she found some needles in there one time.

Muttering about her jerk brother.

She lay Pan down. She was still awake but a bit disorientated.


In other words, her normal self.

"Trunks." She said to Bra.

"Oh great." Bra grumbled.


Bra: I'm all for fooling around but I hate this role-playing stuff.

"Trunks I have to tell you...." Pan grabbed Bra's slender hand.

Pan: I... I... I want my makeup kit back. I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to buy your own.

"No you don't tell me." Bra tried to pull away but Pan was a lot
stronger than her.

"Please..." Pan had tears in her eyes she pulled Bra closer. 'Oh
she smells so sweet.' Bra closed her eyes breathing in the girls'
scent.


Man, Bra sure likes the smell BO and dirt.

"Oh Pan, not like this." She touched her head.

"I. . . I. . Bra?" Pan had finally come into focus. She was face to
face with Bra. Their lips were close to touching. Bra could feel her
hot breath.


Suddenly, a deafening scream of sheer terror rang out over the Briefs' estate.

She was still held by Pan tightly.

"Um.. you got hit real hard by my idiot brother." Bra tried to back
away.

"Did you ever think to stop me." Pan asked her face flushed.


I see Mz D still hasn't mastered using those question marks just yet...

"If you haven't noticed quarter Saiyan or not you're stronger than
me." Bra smiled, Pan had just noticed how tightly she had held Bra.

"Oh geez I'm sorry Bra." She released her grip.


Heh, good thing she didn't grab her by the neck.

Bra moved her wrists trying to get her circulation going.

"I'm so embarrassed Bra."

"Don't be. It's not your fault." She smiled kindly.


Bra giggled. Her friend was just too cute!

Pan sat up but still felt a bit dizzy.

"I really thought you were Trunks. You both have the same beautiful
blue eyes."


"And the same long, sexy lashes, and the same beautiful shade of eye shadow, and the same..."

This time Bra blushed. "Thanks I think."

"Lets go back and tell Trunks I'm okay." Pan stood up.

*******************************************************************


Watch out for the little spiny fence, kids.

Outside Trunks was leaning against the fence. He was flirting with
some college girls.

"Oh yeah, that's my little sis and her friend. I'm such a cool guy I
let them hang with me sometimes."


Because chicks always dig guys who hang around with little girls.

The girls giggled as they watched Bra and Pan walking over.

"That is so cool of you." Simpered the blonde.

"Such a caring big brother." Agreed the brunette.


Trunks: Heh, yeah, I totally just gave my little sister's friend a concussion before you came by. Y'know, because I'm a cool guy like that. So, what are you foxy ladies doin' tonight?

"Well girls what can I say I am the best big brother." Trunks' chest
puffed out.

Bra snorted and was about to say something when Pan stopped her.


Pan: No, Bra. Making witty quips to embarrass someone acting boastful is not the way of anime characters.

"Wow Trunks you must work out as well." The blonde drooled.

"Yeah that I do." Trunks was now lost in testosterone heaven.


I guess they'll hand over a Ph.D. to just about anybody these days...

"You have to come to the club tonight. Me and Julie are going to be
there shaking our groove thing!"


Whoa, the fanfic just time-traveled back to the 1970's.

"Sure thing girls. Listen me and my friend Goten we'd love to meet up
with you and do a double date."

"Is Goten as cute as you?" Asked the brunette.


If by "cute" you mean "shallow and self-absorbed" then no, not quite.

"Not really, but he works out as well. I've heard some people say he's
okay."

Bra turned Pan away from the scene.


Thank God. I don't think my stomach could have handled much more of that.

"Don't worry about the tarts. He talks to those kind all the time."
Bra whispered to Pan.

Pan was shaking a little. Bra carefully took her away from the scene.
Trying her best to look casual.


The horrors of that day would haunt Pan for many years after that....

In the kitchen Pan finally cracked and started sobbing. Bra held her
tight wishing she could make her pain go away.


Anything to get Pan to shut the hell up.

She kissed her forehead, Pan whimpered.

"You're such a good friend." Pan said quietly.


Oh the grim irony.

Bra just smiled and held her. She held back the urges to do more than
hold her. She needed to kiss her to tell her she was loved. As Bra
held her close listening to her heartbeat she understood fully. She
was in love with Pan.


*GASP* OH MY GOD I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Her sense of adventure, her love of fighting. Hell she even loved her
stupid bandanna.


The love of another's bandana is the truest love of all. It's nice to see that Mz D has expanded his fashion vocabulary since Part 1, too. If only he can figure out where that question mark key is, we'll be all set.

She kissed her forehead again. Pan wasn't in any mood
for her confession. For now she had to be a friend.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" Bra said.


Bra: (thinking) Hot chocolate!? What the hell was I thinking! It's 90 degrees outside!

Pan nodded. "With marshmallows." She wiped her sleeve across her runny
nose.


So womanly and demure... It's easy to see where Bra's infatuation comes from.

"Here use a hanky." Bra handed her friend the box of tissues.

"Thank you."


Said a mysterious, disembodied voice.

Bra made herself busy trying not to think too hard about Pan.

She watched her drink the hot drink. She smiled when she said thank
you for the fifth time.


Bra giggled. Her friend was just too cute!

Bra chatted away about her college. She spoke of how far ahead she was
with her classes compared to other sixteen year olds. She didn't
mention Trunks instead she talked about her father and his odd habits.


Bra: And, and this one time... Hahaha... And this one time, he killed an entire stadium full of innocent people! Hahahaha, isn't that wacky!?

How he was a big softie really. It made Pan laugh when she told her
how she could get her father to do anything. Eventually Pan was back
to her cheery self. They listened to Bra's J-pop and danced a little.


Taking a cue from Trunks' dates, they decided to shake their groove things.

Bra tried to keep her hands to herself. Unfortunately she couldn't help
but brush against Pan.


Bra's planning to make her molestation gradual so as to lull Pan into a false sense of security.

Luckily Pan hadn't noticed and thought it part of the fun. She bumped
hips with Bra which made her laugh. Before they knew it they were hand
in hand dancing. They levitated off the ground spinning and twirling.


Within seconds there was vomit everywhere.

When the album reached a slow ballad the girls held each other close.

Whoa now, I've listened to my fair share of J-Pop, and the slowest that music ever gets is still more intense than something remixed by Darude on a caffeine high.

Bra felt her head rest on Pan's shoulder. She knew that when the song
was over nothing would change. The music stopped but the girls still held
each other.


Oh, I didn't know she literally meant nothing would change...

Bra reluctantly broke the embrace and they went back to the ground.

"Lets get you dolled up for dinner." Bra said in an effort to break
the silence.


"Dolled up"? Now we're in the 1950's! This crazy fanfic is all over the map!

"I dunno he never noticed last time." Pan replied. She looked like she
would cry again.

"Don't give up Pan. We'll give Trunks one last chance to notice you."


Bra: Then it's his ass! Glock-glock, motherfucker.

Bra touched her shoulder. Pan grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight.

"I know we don't hang out that much." She said to Bra looking in her
eyes. "But you have been really good to me. I don't know how I can
thank you."


I guess it is pretty amazing that Bra actually did something for another person, even if it was ultimately for selfish reasons...

"You don't need to thank me really." Bra tried to shrug it off.

She picked up the hair brush. Pulling Pan into the chair she started
brushing out the knots.


This entire fic is nothing but awkward lesbian undertones set to scenes depicting various parties attempting to make Pan less hideous.

"Your hair is really soft. If a bit messy." Bra let her hands wipe
down the tangled mess.

"I don't see the point in styling it." Pan said.

"Well I'll make your hair as gorgeous as it should be."


Fashion consultant, makeup artist, cook, hair stylist... Is there anything Bra can't do? Aside from not acting bossy and self-serving for two minutes, I mean.

*******************************************************************

Finally it was time for dinner. Bra had found it hard not to touch
Pan. Every inch of her body had screamed at her to do it.


Sometimes, in the dead of the night, she could still hear those screams. Those awful, inhuman screams...

She could just steal a kiss. It would be Pan's first, it wouldn't
be right. Plus there was the added danger that Pan might get
mad and hit her.


Yes yes, the pros and cons are certainly many and must be given due consideration. In the meantime, just do something! ANYTHING!

Bra sat next to Pan and gave her an encouraging smile. She looked
gorgeous, her hair was now up. It helped with the more adult feel. Bra
couldn't help staring at Pan.


If I was Pan, Bra would be creeping me the fuck out by now. This isn't a schoolgirl crush, this is the type of obsession that leads to late-night phone calls of heavy breathing and small pets winding up in slow cookers on the stove.

It would be really hard for her if Trunks did notice her. If they got
married!

Bra had horrible visions of being maid of honour to their wedding.


Those ugly dresses maids of honor have to wear would scare me, too.

Getting drunk and confessing her love. By being known by their
children as 'that crazy aunt.'


Sounds like the name of a sitcom (and one that I would watch, might I add).

Bra tried to shake the thoughts from her mind.

Trunks entered with Vegeta.


Vegeta: (thinking) Christ, another night at home with the wife and kids. Alright, put on a smile... That's it... Mask the hurting... Everybody's happy....

He chatted to Pan and Bra about the girls he had met. Not once did
he comment on how pretty or grown up Pan looked. Bulma came
through with some of the meal.


For some reason, I always pictured Bra's family eating frozen dinners in front of the TV with no one talking for fear that a violent argument might erupt at any moment.

She made a point of complementing Pan. Bra looked to her brother he
was too interested in the food.

Pan looked pale even under the layer of foundation and blush. Bra
reached out and grasped her hand under the table.


Bra: Pan? Are you wearing mittens? Whoops, sorry Trunks!

Pan smiled at her and cheered up a little. She began eating and all
thoughts of Trunks seemed to go. Bra happy that she was eating joined
in as well.


The question marks must have called up the commas and invited them to the rave down the street.

"Woman this is the least disgusting meal you've made." Vegeta said to
his spouse.


I'm so glad Vegeta is in this story. His presence might just be the only genuinely enjoyable thing about this fanfiction.

"Thanks Vegeta... I think." Bulma muttered.

Pan not quite use to this kind of talk gave Bra a shocked look. Bra
just shrugged. She couldn't help it if this was her fathers
compliments.


How has this family not been on Jerry Springer by now?

Bra slipped her foot out of her slipper. She had to touch Pan somehow.
She had to hint to her how she felt.


And what better way to do that then playing footsies during dinner with your family right there.

She reached out to where Pan sat unaware. Running her sole up against
her shin. Pan stopped eating and looked directly at Trunks. All he was
interested in was the food.


Trunks: Mmm... Mm'mm! Mmmmm'MM! Damn! This dinner is SO good! I just... I can't get over how... MMMM! Son of a bitch this is a fine meal! I mean WOW! This is like the best dinner anyone has ever had! MMMMMMM!! It's SO GOOD! I am serious! It's like I suddenly feel betrayed by everything else I've ever eaten now! It's just THAT GOOD!

Bra sighed a little but kept her attention on Pan. She had slowed down
her eating and was concentrating on Pan. She continued putting her
full concentration on Pan.


If Bra concentrates on Pan any harder, somebody's head is going to explode.

When the main meal was over. The pudding was brought out. Trunks
grabbed a large bowl and left to watch the TV. This was Bra's chance
she swept her foot back to Pan. Pan nearly choked on her dessert.


Pan: Gack! What the hell did Bulma put in this!?

She looked at Vegeta he was now in an argument with Bulma over
topping. Pan felt the feeling on her leg again. She turned to Bra.

Bra smiled at her hopefully. Pan looked a little shocked but she
didn't turn away.


Just like a deer in the headlights. We've all been there, Pan.

The dark haired girl studied Bra for what seemed to her as forever.
Then Bra felt something tickling her leg. It was Pan's foot.


Dun dun duuuuuun! New plot twists await the reader at every turn!

Bra almost squealed with joy, but she tried to contain her emotion. Bra
decided to explore further and swept up Pan's dress.


Ooooh! Now we're entering TV-PG territory...

Pan smiled at her and her legs opened slightly. Staring into each
others eyes Bra's heart was beating fast. The ache in her chest was
gone. Her foot was at Pan's thigh and the warmth of Pan's was near her
own thigh.


Finally, all the thirteen-year-old boys reading this story are rewarded for their patience with the sweet, sweet payoff.

They were interrupted though.

Huh? By wha--

"WILL YOU TWO TAKE IT UPSTAIRS!!"

GAAAHHHH!!! Holy shit! That was penis-softeningly scary! Wow, sorry kids, guess you just wasted the last half hour for nothing.

Vegeta shouted at them.

"What are you talking about Vegeta?" Bulma asked unsure about the
turn in situation. Both girls were sitting quietly she hadn't seen
anything.


But Vegeta, being the master "assessor of situations" that he is, immediately picked up on what was going on beneath the table. Or maybe he just has a mirror tied to his shoe.

Pan and Bra were now a deep crimson.

"For a genius you really are an idiot." Snarled Vegeta.


Way to say what we were all thinking.

"Hey don't talk to me like that!" Bulma yelled back.

Bra grabbed Pan's hand and rushed her away. Her father seemed to have
accepted this situation but sometimes Bra's mother was scarier.


Vegeta sure has some strange ways of "accepting" things.

They escaped to Bra's room. Pan looked at Bra unsure what to say.

Yeah, that would be a pretty awkward moment right there.

"I thought it was Trunks." She gasped finally.

Bra held her breath she couldn't speak.

"I didn't want him. I saw that when I thought he was playing footsie."
Pan's face was still flushed.


The hell!? So she goes from having a major crush on him to wanting to have nothing to do with him just like that!? That's... Pretty realistic, sadly.

"I didn't know till this morning Pan." Bra confessed. "I think it's
love.... I'm not sure."

"Never been in love before?" Pan asked, she thought Bra an expert on
the matter.


Just because you give your body to someone doesn't mean it's love.

"Uh... no I've never felt like this for a guy." Bra grew slightly
embarrassed.

"Good because I think it's love too." Pan took Bra's into a warm
embrace.


Kodak Moment™

They could hear Bra's Mom shouting as she finally figured it out.

"THEY DID WHAT!!!"

"LEAVE THEM BE WOMAN!!" Vegeta was protecting them.


Funny, I wouldn't have pictured Vegeta as being the considerate, understanding kind of father Mz D seems to think he would be.

"Let's go somewhere more private." Bra said anxiously. They held each
other's hands and flew out the nearest open window.


This Summer... Return to Neverland... And Bring a Lesbian Friend.

It was just in time Bulma had escaped Vegeta and was barging up the stairs to
confront the girls.

"WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GO!!" Bulma screamed as she saw the empty
room.


WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR QUESTION MARKS?!?

"Congratulations Woman, looks like you've scared them." Vegeta sneered
behind her.

"They'll come back won't they?" Bulma asked her husband.

Vegeta just shrugged. "When they're ready."


Vegeta: Besides, it's not that bad. So what if one of our kids is gay! We still have-- Oh. Right.

******************************************************************

The sun had already set and the stars were beginning to come out. Pan
watched Bra's expression of joy, it matched her own.


"Now we can grow up and not shave our legs and attend pride parades and watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show!"

"I thought I would be the crazy aunt if you and Trunks got married."
Bra said finally.

Pan laughed at her. "You think some silly things."

"So Pan ever been kissed?" Bra asked coyly.


*sigh* Here we go....

Pan blushed again. "You know the answer." She replied.

Pan: The world of immoral depravity in which you live is a mystery to me.

Bra leaned in her eyes half closed. Watching Pan's eyes for her
acceptance, her love.

Pan sat still waiting not knowing what to expected.


When suddenly, Jason Voorhees from 'Friday the 13th' busts in and carves them up like a couple of Thanksgiving turkeys! Yeah!! What a great ending! Mz D should have totally gotten me on board as a story consultant for this fic.

Their lips touched and for a split second both girls froze. Then their
mouths moved against each other. They found themselves lost in the
moment. Pan held Bra close wishing herself to be like this forever.
Bra slipped in her tongue tasting Pan's sweet mouth.


The residue of Bulma's cooking had made it something other than sweet, however.

It got a soft groan from Pan. She moved her tongue against Bra's invasive one.

When they broke they were overcome with emotions.


Horror, fear, disgust, unremitting shame...

"Wow." Gasped Bra. "I've never been kissed like that."

"I was okay?" Pan asked. Bra giggled gently.


Her friend was just too cute!

"I'm not sure. I think I might need a few more kisses just to
compare."

"Oh yeah!?" Pan jumped on Bra this time. Her confidence had grown and
she was more in control.


I think we can safely assume that Pan will be the butch in this relationship...

"Oh you're going to be a handful." Said Bra in between kisses. Pan
silenced her with another kiss. The two lovers explored each other
till dawn.


Meanwhile...

Trunks: Mmm'mm! Wow! Holy crap! This breakfast is excellent! It's just so... I don't even... MMMMM! Delicious! This is like the best breakfast EVER! It's just SO GOOD!

They knew when they went back they would have some
explaining to do. That could wait. Just now it was only themselves
they cared about. It was as if they were the only beings in the
universe.


And, as expected, we wrap up this by-the-book teenage romance story with an appropriately contrived and derivative ending. If nothing else, I suppose it can at least be said that the fic was consistent right up to the finish.
 


I don't know about you, but I thought that was thrilling. No, seriously! The spellbinding romance, the gripping drama, the... umm... words! All those words... So very many of them... Alright, so maybe I was mostly just bored stiff. This fanfic makes at least one major mistake by taking what should have been a five-page story and turning it into a 20+ page epic through the use of meaningless buildup and repeated scenarios. The "Bra gussies up Pan > Pan gets rejected > Bra comforts Pan and suspects her own homosexuality" formula was played out more times than it should have been, and each time it did very little to advance the plot in any significant way. The only reason it was even there was to artificially increase the length of this too-simple story which otherwise couldn't have stood up on its own. And don't think I'm unaware of the irony of a DBZ fanfic being overly drawn-out due to pointless filler material.

Speaking of the series this fic is based on, that brings me to my second gripe... Where was all the frigging fighting!? I don't see the point of writing a fanfiction for a fighting anime that contains virtually no fighting whatsoever. One tiny scuffle that ends in a single punch is just bullshit. And if you are going to change genres and write a romance story for such a series, then at least pretend like you know what the hell you're doing behind a keyboard and have it star two characters who were actually romantically involved, or at least could have conceivably been romantically involved. A Bra/Pan pairing just doesn't make any sense no matter how you approach it. Next thing you know, people are going to start coming up with Chaozu/Oolong slash.

Oh good GOD does ever bring a fun mental picture to mind. OK, wow, I'm seriously going to have to huff the SHIT out of a can of paint before I can forcibly eject that image from my head. Aaah, ew... Son of a bitch!

Anyway, what matters is that the fic is finally over, and I think anyone who read it is now a little wiser about the dangers of fanfiction thanks to my commentary. Like I've said before, the more you know about something, the more you know about how to defend yourself against it. If you'd like to learn even more about protecting you and your family from the ever-present threat that is bad anime fanfiction, then tune in next time when I'll make an example of another fanfic that the world would be just a little bit better without. Until then, thanks for reading. And thanks to Mz D for his, uh, "contribution" to the site. So long 'D, and may your freestyle rapping career be more successful than your fanfiction. Peace out, homeslice.