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Episode 03: "Pokťmon: A New Experience"
(A 'Pokťmon' fanfiction by Anime-X)

Back for more, eh? Well, although I always appreciate the extra traffic, I think it would be best if you talked to someone about your apparent desire to inflict pain upon yourself. If the first two episodes were any indication, reading the kind of fanfiction featured on Project AFTER is not that much different from slitting your own wrists with razor blades. I've pledged my life to fighting bad anime fanfiction, so I'm already doomed to endure typo-ridden stories about every agonizingly brainless plotline involving anime characters known to the human race. You, on the other hand, are still untainted by the evil of fanfiction and may yet escape this horror. Go, now! Run!! Run away as fast as you can and don't look back! Just know that I love you and don't look baaaack!!

Now that I've given you all fair warning, let me introduce you to a fanfic that proves that no matter how seemingly innocent something is, there will always be someone out there capable of twisting it into something foul. "Pokťmon: A New Experience" is the story of three traveling adolescent companions who wind up in the bizarrely-named town of Trainer's Dream. Once there, two of these friends will embark upon a wondrous journey into adulthood as they discover a new element of their relationship, while the readers embark on a similar journey into complete and utter revulsion.

The author of this fic goes by the alias 'Anime-X'; a name that it took him all of three seconds to come up with. However, despite his less-than-original penname, he is no doubt someone who thinks outside the box. For instance, while most people would view Pokťmon as your average kiddy anime, Anime-X saw through the childish motif and discovered that this fantasy world would be the perfect setting for an erotic story. If that isn't originality, then I just don't know what is! Whoever says the age of great art has passed obviously hasn't met Anime-X. Still, I can't help but get the feeling that the contents of my stomach might be far less eager to escape if I had skipped over this story... And, to be fair, I'm still on the fence about whether or not having my mind opened to new possibilities inside a familiar setting is really worth the innumerable disturbing nightmares I've had since I first found this fic... Oh well, I suppose many culturally significant works of art are controversial at first. But then again, so are morally corrosive piece-of-shit stories found on cartoon smut sites.

In any case, it's too late to turn back now, so let's get this review underway so you can all have the opportunity to suffer right along with me as I examine another woeful work of literature and try to figure out why exactly it makes us hurt inside. Oh, and if you think I'm going to bother putting an accent on every single one of those little bastard E's for the rest of this story, then think again.



Hey there, Iím studying to be writer, so I must try every form of stories ever made. The
only stories I never made up are porn stories.

Because you can't really call yourself a writer until you've tackled erotica depicting characters from the Kids' WB weekday afternoon lineup.

Now Iím no expert at these sort of things (meaning I donít surf the web for xxx sites),

Good for you. That was a terrible movie, and the sequel was even worse. Maybe you should have looked at some porn for research purposes, though.

but Iíll give it my best. I wonít have the characters jump on each others at the very beginning since I like my stories to have some sense.

Well, you kind of blew your chances of having this one make sense when you decided to base it on a series aimed at young kids who aren't even sexually active yet. Honestly, who the hell is your target audience for this fic?

I chose to use the Pokemon characters since Iím a big fan of the show and the games. Youíll notice that I did not give out my e-mail address on this page, well thatís because I donít want to be bothered.

Anime-X would rather live inside his silent security bubble of self-delusion and denial.

This is only for my own personal learning experience.

Bullshit. If it's a learning experience, then don't publish it on the internet. And if you do, hell, may as well start posting essays about your summer vacation you wrote back in the 3rd grade.

If my first erotic story makes an impact, then I will be satisfy. If you want me to make more stories, just contact Sakura Lemon and if thereís more then 10 request, I will make another one. Also, English is not my native tongue, so thereís bound to be spelling mistakes, live with it !

Oh, you hear that everybody? This guy hasn't spoken English from birth, so that means we shouldn't chastise him for being too stupid to figure out how to use a dictionary.

For now, on with the Story.

Pokemon, a New Experience
By Anime-X

Our heroes are on their way to Cinnabar Island, but before they can get to a ship deck,
theyíll have to make a few stops between towns.

So that they can pillage them for supplies and booze.

Ash: So Brock, where are we going ?

Brock: According to the map, weíre heading to a town called Trainerís Dream !

Misty: Trainerís Dream, I wonder who came up with such a name ?

They named the town that three years ago just after Mayor Pedophile was elected into office.

After 10 minutes, they arrived.

So they were only ten minutes outside town? Road signs must not exist in Anime-X's version of Pokemon.

Ash: Wow, look at all the Pokemon trainers !

Misty: Never mind the trainers, thereís a fast food restaurant over there !

Wow this town has everything!

Brock: Great, we havenít had a decent meal in 2 days !

About 20 minutes later.

After several violent street brawls and a heart-pounding car chase sequence...

Ash: Iím going to battle with those trainers, come on Pikachu !

Pikachu: Pikachu !

Brock: Yikes !

Misty: Whatís wrong Brock !

Brock: I just realized that all of our dialogue is completely void of emotion and poorly punctuated!

Brock: Girls, in that public swimming pool !

Misty: Brock wait ! Oh well, looks like itís you and me Togepi.

What's this? Dialogue that doesn't end in an exclamation point? Man, I'm not used to this...

Misty saw a women clothing boutique.

Misty: Cool, Iíll check it out.

Misty feels the need to fill the uncomfortable silence by narrating her own thoughts out loud.

Misty notice a couple of young guys standing in front of the boutique.

Misty: You know, thatís a women boutique.

Trainer's Dream is well-known for its sprawling transvestite community.

Guy 1: We know, weíre just waiting for our girlfriends.

Guy 2: Ya, guys arenít allowed in there !

Males are forbidden to view the hallowed secrets of the clothing boutique. It's like that one episode of Star Trek, except stupider.

Misty: They sure have some beautiful dresses in there.

Guy 1: Humm..

Misty: What ?

Misty: My face is up here!

Guy 1: Uh, nothing. Itís just that when I look at you, I donít see the kind of girl who would wear a dress.

Misty: You donít ?

Guy 2: I donít see a girl at all !

Ha ha! Good one, Guy 2!

Misty: What !

Guy 1: Shut up you idiot ! Forgive my dumb friend here, heís a real jack ass ! No but it really doesnít look like dresses are your stile.

Well, you really can't argue with that, Misty. I mean, considering that you dress like a poverty-stricken Guatemalan boy and all...

The girlfriends came out.

Girls: Weíre done !

Guy 1: Well, nice talking to you.

Misty looked at her reflection in the window.

Suddenly, it started to rain, just as a muted piano began playing. Then Misty had a series of black-and-white flashbacks about her early childhood on the streets of New York.

Misty: No wonder guys never paid any attention to me, I look like I came from a circus. Iím going in !

Sells Lady: Iím sorry, guys arenítí allo... Oh Iím sorry ! I really need to get these glasses
checked !

Misty: Do you have anything in blue ?

There's no time for pleasantries when it comes to Misty and shopping!

Two hours later, Misty walked out of the store wearing a pretty blue dress. She even took out the elastic to loosen her beautiful short red hair.

Misty: Hey Ash !

Ash: Excuse me, do I know you ?

Ash: You look and sound like my friend Misty who I've seen every day for some months now, but you're wearing different clothes and your hair is down, so you must obviously be some other person who I've never met before. Duuuh'huuh. *drools*

Pikachu: Pikapika (Pikachu jumped in Mistyís arm.)

Misty: Itís me Ash.

Ash: Misty ?!

Misty: Euheuh.

That's the Quote of the Day, right there.

Ash: Wow, that dress makes you look pretty.

Misty: WHEN IíLL NEED YOUR OPINION ASH IíLL.... wait did you say pretty.

Heh heh, it's funny because she's used to him dishing out insults and sexist remarks.

Ash: Yyyyessss !

Misty: Oh, thank you.

Brock: Hey Ash, itís getting late, lets find the Pokemon INN and .... Hey whoís the babe !

So Misty dons a new dress and takes the tie out of her hair and suddenly neither of her closest friends recognize her. I guess Pikachu really is the smartest of the lot.

Ash: Brock, thatís Misty !

Brock: Misty !

They walked to the local Pokemon motel and during the time, Misty notice that every boy was looking at her. For the first time, Misty felt good about her looks.

For the first time, Misty was no longer plagued by erratic suicidal urges.

In the Poke INN main office

Clerk: Youíre lucky, thereís only three rooms left.

In Mistyís Room

Aaaah, too fast! I'm getting a scene-change headache!

Misty: Well Iím due for a shower.

She took off her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror

Misty: Oh my God, who the hell is that staring at-- Oh, it's just my reflection. Whew! I didn't recognize myself with my hair down.

Misty: Thatís funny, without the dress, I donít look much like a girl, far less a woman. I
guess I just need time to grow. My sisters are all beautiful, so I guess Iíll have a better
body in a couple years.

It's going be pretty funny when she finds out she's adopted.

She looked at her breast and picture them larger. She took her shower and went to bed. When she lift up the covers of the bed, she screamed like hell.

It was her Ponyta's decapitated head!

Misty: AHHHHAHAHHAHHH, roaches !

Don't you mean "Roach-type Pokemon"?

In the Poke INN main room

Misty: Thereís roaches in my bed, DO SOMETHING !!!

Clerk: Calm down, weíll take care of it tomorrow.

Clerk: And if you have a problem with that, maybe you should have chosen to stay at a motel that wasn't a complete dive with a dead hooker floating in the pool out front.

Misty: Tomorrow, where the hell Iím I suppose to sleep, that was your room !

She was sleeping in the clerk's room? These plot twists are hard to follow...

Clerk: Well you can either sleep on this couch or in this spare bed for which we can bring to one of your friends room.

Misty: Iíll take the bed.

It'll probably turn out that the "bed" is actually just an old mattress with a bunch of exposed, razor-sharp springs and several large stains that soaking the thing in chlorine dioxide couldn't get out.

There was a knock on Ash's door.

Ash: Misty, do you know what time it is !

Misty: Shut up and let me in.

Well goddamn, no wonder no boys like Misty. She can be downright unpleasant.

Ash: Donít you have a room ?!

Misty: Itís infested, so now Iím crashing in here, OK !

Ash: All right, all right. good night.

Shouldn't Team Rocket have shown up with some underhanded yet comically foolhardy scheme to steal Pikachu by now?

Misty couldnít sleep, she kept thinking of the first day that boys looked at her. She quietly went to the bathroom and took off her PJs. She looked at herself again. She was really starting enjoying pretending that she had an adult body.

Is that an adult male or female body?

She started to get a bit hot so she sat down on the toilet. She genteelly started touching the lips of her pussy, caressing them up and down.

Wow, that just came out of nowhere... Ah well, enough of that "plot development" bullshit anyway, let's get to the real reason everyone is reading this.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and started to finger herself. She tried to keep it calm but she was really good at this and she moaned a bit to loud. Ash got up and knocked on the bathroom door.

Hilarious antics ensued.

Ash: Is everything all right ?

Misty was quick to respond

Misty: Ya, must have been something Iíve eaten.

Misty: I think I had some bad chili that's causing me to paw at my crotch... Weird, I know.

Ash: OK.

Ash went back to sleep.

Misty: That was a close one.

If you don't want Ash to find out what you're doing then maybe you can stop talking out loud.

Misty just couldnít satisfy herself tonight.

The End

Misty: Damit, I got to have some more. Maybe thereís something in here too, no.

She went into the room

Misty: No nothing in here. Nothing in there. Nothing under the bed.


Misty: Okay, I found an ice-cube tray, some coffee filters, and a copy of the Bible. This should be interesting to say the least.

Ash woke up

Ash: Misty, what are you doing ?

Misty looked at him and smiled. She said to herself: But thereís something in the bed

People are basically objects to Misty.

She sat down next to Ash who was still very sleepy. She rubbed his hair and touched his
face. Ash just couldnít understand what was going on.

Traveling around the countryside, commanding trained animals to beat other trained animals unconsciousness, drinking yourself into an early-evening hangover and doin' it with crazy sluts in derelict roadside motels... It's like Pokemon trainers are living out the fantasies of every single person who was alive in the 70's.

Misty: Ash, I need to ask you something.

Ash: What ?

Misty: Do you get erections ?

This just turned into a spam e-mail fanfiction.

Ash: What !

Misty: Does you penis gets hard sometimes, when you think of girls and..

"And"? No, there should be no "and"! If Ash gets hard thinking about anything else, I really don't want to know about it.

Ash: I know the definition !

Misty: Well ?

Ash: Not of your business.

Ash: The hour 'tis late and I grow quite weary. Now be off with ye, o foul-smelling wench!

Misty: Oh well, I guess Iíll have to find out.

Ash: Misty, what the hell ar....

Misty removed the top of her PJs, revealing her small , but cute breast to Ash.

Poor girl lost the other breast in a biking accident.

Ash: ........

Ash was speechless. Misty looked at him with the sexiest eyes sheís ever made.

Misty: Well, arenít you going to touch them ?

Ash: ......

With sharp, convincing dialogue like this, Anime-X could very well be the Quentin Tarantino of the adult fanfiction world.

Misty took Ash right hand and held it to her breast. Using her other hand, she reached down and grabbed Ashís dick. His cock, has expected, was hard. She got up the bed, took off the rest of her PJs, removed the blanket revealing Ashís dick and approached him.

Careful, Ash. After she mates with you, she kills and eats you!

Ash: Misty, I...

She silenced him again has she rubbed his dick. She looked at while she stepped at the end of the bed so that she could be closer to his cock.

Every time Anime-X uses a new synonym for "penis", I feel a little less guilty for wishing he'd get run over by a tour bus full of mercenaries who would then disembark and blow up his body with rocket launchers.

She bent down and started licking his cock. Ash just couldnít believe what was happening. Misty was naked and she was putting his penis in her mouth.

Each sentence in this story succeeds in destroying another small piece of my childhood.

At first he couldnít understand why, but then, he got a cool felling about it.

In fact, he fell right off the bed! ;P

She stoped the blow job and asked him:

Misty: Do you know how to cum ?

Ash: Cum ?

Oh dear merciful God up in Heaven. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done, but please please don't let them start a conversation about this!

Misty: Ejaculate, you know that white stuff that comes out when your penis is that hard !

Ash: Oh that ! It comes out sometime in my sleep.

Misty: When did you start your nocturnal ejaculations ?

I hate you so, so much, Anime-X.

Ash: About 10 months ago.

Misty: When was the last time ?

Son of a bitch, she's being freakishly thorough with this. Did I miss the scene where she took Ash's blood pressure and asked him if he was allergic to any medication?

Ash: Two weeks I think, why and how do you know so much about...

Misty: I surfed the Internet a lot before I started my Pokemon training.

So Misty used to be an internet junkie. I guess that would explain a lot...

Ash: Isnít that illegal or...

Misty: Be quiet and lick me !

You know, the fact that Anime-X would write a lemon based on a series featuring such legendary anime hotties as Nurse Joy, Officer Jenny, and Team Rocket's Jesse, then choose to have the story focus on a barely pubescent girl (if even) with no figure and a remarkably bad temper just seems kind of mean to me.

Ash: Lick you ?

Misty: Just bring your head between my legs and lick my crutch !

Ash: Crutch ?!

Either she meant to say "crotch", or we're entering a whole freaky fetish area that I want no part in.

Misty: Boy, you got nothing else then Pokemon on the brain. Lick my vagina !

Ash: Oh that, euh why !

You stupid mother... Look, just do what she says. It'll move things along and hopefully cut down on the length of this soul-crushing test of endurance to see how long I can hold off filling the tub up with gasoline and hopping in with a lit cigarette in my mouth.

Misty: It will give me the same feeling that you had when I put your penis in my mouth.

Ash: I guess I should give you back what you gave me.

Ash: Here, have a big helping of forced sex and emotional abuse.

Misty: Ad-a-boy

Misty stated moaning so loud that she woke up Pikachu and Togepi.

Pikachu: Pikachu !

Translation: <Holy shit!!>

Togepi: Touki Touki

Ash: Oh no, we woke them up !

Misty: Just shut up and keep licking !

Way to scar the Pokemon for life...

Ash: Yes mam, I mean Misty.

Misty: Good, enough. Now lie down.

Misty: I said LIE DOWN! Don't make me get the whip, bitch!

She mounted him, bringing her young virgin pussy to his young and not so hard virgin cock.

Ash: Wait Misty, I know what you want to do and I canít let you !

Good for you, Ash, stick to your principles! Don't let that vile succubus to drag you to hell with her!

Misty: Donít worry, Pikachu and Togepi wonít tell anyone.

Ash: No, but I know that I donít want you to have a baby.

Can you imagine if they did have a baby!? Kawaiiiii-su!! ...Whoa, sorry, I think that first handful of Valium is starting to kick in.

Misty: Ash you idiot ! Do you really think I would fuck you if I was ovulating !

Ash really didnít want this to happen

Him, and everyone reading this fanfic.

Ash: What about all those diseases I heard about ?!

Misty: All right then !

She got up and went to the bathroom.

Bet she comes out with a rag and a bottle of chloroform.

Ash checked her butt while she was walking to the bathroom, it was small and so cute. He though that she gave up, but she came back with a small square package.

Alright, Misty bought some Pocky!

She ripped opened the package and took out something that looked like a weird balloon to Ash. She placed it over his cock.

Ash: Hey !!

Ash: Dude, I don't want 'Little Ash' to suffocate!

Misty: This is a condom, it protects both partners form diseases and prevents pregnant.

She forced Ash to lie down as she mounted him again.

If you ignore the names and imagine them in a public shower, this is really no different from reading a story about prison rape.

Ash wanted to get away ! He knew that he could take her, but a part of him wanted to let her do what she was about to do. Finally, he though that she just might knew what she was doing and he stopped struggling and accepted it.

The first time is always so magical.

Misty notice his cooperation and she smiled and kissed him. Ash just took a deep breath while she was pushing to get his cock up into her crutch. She really knew what she was doing. She pushed and pushed, both of them were in pain but it didnít matter.

What about my pain, Anime-X? Does MY pain matter to you!?!

Misty: Donít just lie there and moan, do something.

Misty has to be one of the worst sexual partners, like, EVER. Like, even including Satan.

Ash placed both of his hands on her breast while she keep pushing. He rubbed her cute
tits until they got real hard.

I'm actually 99% sure breasts aren't supposed to do that...

Ash started to feel what he had felt while he was sleeping for the last 10 months, he was about to burst !

Poor kid must have a lot of pent-up frustration after all this time.

Ash: Misty, think Iím going to...

Misty: No Ash, donít.

Ash: Itís hard no to !

Misty: Just think of something else, like Pokemon for example.

At this point, Pikachu freaks and jumps out of the window.

Ash: Your right, itís working, but when can...

Misty: Iíll squeeze your arm when Iím ready.

I really don't see what Ash has to offer in this situation that a good battery-powered dildo and a few pillows couldn't provide.

She kept at it for about five minutes. During that time, Ash tough about getting to Cinnabar Island and getting a Volcano Badge.

No, Ash! Don't think about volcanoes!

He then looked at Pikachu and Togepi who seamed to be enjoying the show. Suddenly Ash felt his arm squeezed. He looked at misty

Misty: Ash itís time

"...For you to get the hell out of here so I can start forgetting this night ever happened!"

He quickly got back in the game.

Misty: All right Ash on 3.

One, two threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!

Aaaaaahhhh!! Too many E's! The system is overloading!

They stopped moving for minute, then they looked at each other. She kissed him Passionately.

Misty: Thank you.

They fell asleep and spent a wonderful night. Misty had set the alarm 15 minutes before 8:00 AM so that they could clean up the place so that it would look like nothing happened.

The clerk at the front desk asked them if they wouldn't mind since the only maid is on leave while she gets a venereal disease taken care of.

Misty: Wake up Ash, itís morning.

Ash had slept on Mistyís breast the all night

Ash: Sorry about that collapsed lung, Misty.

Misty: Well you probably had a good night sleep.

Ash: I feel weird.

Misty: Me too, I guess this is the felling of loosing your virginity. OK, lets cleanup.

Misty: No time to reflect upon this major milestone in our relationship or the consequences it may have, just straighten the fucking bed sheets!

They started putting things away and clean up the place until it was spotless.

10 minutes later, knock knock

God, man, how hard would it have been to type "there was a knock at the door" or something? Talk about lazy writing. I guess Anime-X was banking on the fact that everyone would probably either close the page or die during the sex scene, so everything after that was only written as a formality.

Misty: Come in !

Brock: Misty, what are doing here.

Misty: My room was infested, so I slept here.

Now tell him about the part where you made Ash the woman.

Brock: Hey I thing somethingís wrong with Togepi and Pikachu.

The two Pokemon were frozed up like stuff toys.

Misty whispered to Ash: Theyíre probably in shock from last night.

God knows I would be.

Ash and Misty started to giggle.

Tee hee! It's funny that their Pokemon were psychologically damaged to a point where they went into comas!

Brock: This is no time to laugh, it could be serious. Lets bring them to the Pokemon center.

Like Misty and Ash said, it was just a shock from seeing their trainers do something like that. So our heroes went on with their journey to Cinnabar Island.

Like absolutely nothing had ever happened. How fucking original.

Brock: Hey Misty, whereís that new dress ?

Misty: Oh I returned it, it wasnít my stile.

She should have kept it in case she ever had a turnstile. Ha ha ha ha... ha ha.... ah....

Brock: To bad, it looked really good on you.

Ash: I like her just the way she is.

Crazy and abusive?

Brock: Humm..

The others: What ?

Brock: Why does Pikachu keep looking at both of you every two seconds.

Pikachu has seen the horror... The terror... The Humping.

(Too bad 'The Haunting' was such an unpopular movie, otherwise a lot more people would get that joke.)

Ash: I donít know

He said while putting his hand on Mistyís butt.

One night of sleazy, meaningless sex and suddenly Ash thinks he's some kind of player.

Misty: I guess he must still be a little wusy.

Brock: Hey look guys, this store sells bike really cheap.

They only have one single bike in stock at any given time but man can you get a good deal on it.

Ash, this would be a good time to pay back Mistyís bike !

Ash looked worried for a second

Holy hell, what a lousy deadbeat. She slept with you, dude. What does she have to do to get that bike?

Misty: I donít care about that anymore !

Brock: You donít !

Misty: Ash gave me something better instead !

I don't see how a ten-minute romp in the sheets that he was reluctant about and complained during beats out a brand new bicycle, but whatever.

She said smiling

Brock: What could be better than a bike ?

Ash and Misty gave each other a romantic look and continued walking. They knew now that they had a brand new kind of relationship.

One that will require many, many weeks of therapy someday.

The End

To be continued

Coming up in Part 2: Misty further demonstrates her loosening grip on sanity by springing for a few 'toys' and really dominating the bedroom scene! Meanwhile, Brock remains dumbly oblivious to his companions' sexual escapades in spite of Ash's inability to speak after hours of screaming into a pillow and crying in the shower after love-making! Also, Pikachu finds himself staring solemnly into a raging river from high atop the Fuchsia City dam! Will he jump!? Find out in... Pokemon: Another New Experience!

Despite the apparent lack of appreciation for this craft, I can't say whether or not Anime-X is what you'd call a tortured artist... He certainly writes for a tortured audience, though. I do wish I knew him in person, if not to congratulate him for his artistic triumph, then to thank him for single-handedly destroying some of my most precious childhood memories. I grew up watching Pokťmon, and in fact it was the first anime series I ever saw. Before the bloody martial arts battles, before the giant robots, before the angsty teenagers fighting to prevent the apocalypse... There was Pokťmon. Fun, upbeat, campy, innocuous Pokťmon. But now, whenever I try to relive those great memories of my youth by watching the show, the only thing I'll be able to think of is Ash straddling Misty in a dingy motel room while their Pokťmon look on in perturbed horror. And it's all thanks to you, Anime-X! So yes, I wish I knew where you lived so I could personally thank you by jamming a taser into your groin. Over and over and over and over again. Laughing manically all the while.

I really am sorry to everyone reading this that you had to witness that awful story, but I hope you learned something from it. The lesson: Even something as simple and pure as a children's TV show can be twisted by the dark wiles of a fanfiction author. If you think your kids are safe browsing through fan-written tales about their favorite Saturday morning cartoons, then you are quite mistaken. As scary as it may be, it's only a matter of time before they inevitably stumble across a story involving their beloved animated companions engaging in sexual acts so depraved that it would make Larry Flynt turn away in disgust. Just one more reason why the fanfiction must be stopped... One more reason for us to fight!

On that note, I think now is a good time to wrap this up. I'll be back within the next week or so with another fanfiction worthy of the ol' critical assessment, so that you can learn more about the hazards of the fanfiction world and become emotionally scarred in the process. In the meantime, please remember that it's never too early to talk with your kids about the dangers of bad anime fanfiction. They need to know.