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Episode 12: "The Real Truth"
(A 'Sailor Moon' fanfiction by Blackberry14)


While it isn't something I take any pride in, I've read through enough fanfics since starting this website that I think I've gained a fair amount of knowledge about the nature of these types of stories and how they work. One thing I've learned is that, when broken down to their most basic forms, there are essentially two varieties of fanfics in existence: First, you've got fanfics which are the kind of projects that may start out with a unique concept that's original and/or interesting enough to warrant making it into a story, but somewhere along the line something goes wrong (usually due to the author's inability to properly transfer his or her ideas into a written medium) and the resulting work is a failure. It's happened to the best of us, and it's just one of those things you have to accept so that you can hopefully learn from your mistakes and do better next time. But then... Then there are fanfics that are simply train wrecks from the moment they're conceived, built on an idea so luridly awful or preposterous that not even the most skilled novelist alive could turn them into anything worth reading.

Case in point: Today's fanfiction, redundantly titled "The Real Truth", is a story based on the damningly stupid idea of taking an upstanding, peace-loving character from a largely nonviolent anime series and turning said character into a demonic serial killer. The anime in question is (what else) Sailor Moon, while the character that must suffer the fate of laughably bad misrepresentation at the hands of a sadistic author is the show's heroine, Serena.

Now, admittedly, few people have ever watched an entire episode of Sailor Moon and not mulled over the idea of rewriting the show's premise so that one of the girls coldly murders her cohorts in the bloodiest manner possible, but to actually go through with writing a multi-chapter fanfiction based on that concept is pretty damn demented. On the other hand, perhaps "demented" is the perfect word to describe someone who submits her work under the name Blackberry14.

Honestly, this fanfic was destined to be crap before the author even began typing it. How this Blackberry14 was unable to see that is almost as puzzling as how she was able to write upwards of 11 pages based on such a concept without once realizing that she was effectively killing the brain cells of her readers with every word she put up on the screen. But the real beauty of this particular fanfic is that, even when you overlook the idiotic premise, you're still treated to rows upon rows of mistakes that would destroy any fanfic out there, even one that wasn't born of such a retarded idea. Spelling problems, bad grammar, poor story composition, continuity flaws, ill-conceived original characters... It's all there, and it all wants to take you down in the hardest way possible. Duck and cover, folks.

 


 

The Real Truth

Warning: People who are allergic to truth should not read the following story!

Blackberry14- Okay, I have finally got to the Sailor Moon story. Man did this take a while for me to write this.

Serena- Yeah, why are you writing evil stories?


Oh HELL. I hate these stupid intros where the author pretends to put on a little skit with one of the characters from the story. I don't see why I should have to suffer because some anime-obsessed kid has no friends in real life.

Blackberry14- Because it is fun.

Serena- You're weird.

Blackberry14- Whatever. I make you very, very, very..

Serena- *covers my mouth* Don't say it! Someone might be reading this!


But the chances of that are certainly slim.

Blackberry14- *I bite her hand* Okay, I won't. That means that you readers will just have to read this story. So go ahead and read!

Serena- *checks if she haves bite marks*


Serena: You... You bit me! Jesus, what is wrong with you!? Now I'm gonna have to get a rabies shot.

Notice- If you like the Sailor Scouts TOO much, then this story will seriously make you mad.

Thankfully, I don't really like the Sailor Scouts at all. Something tells me this story is still going to piss me off, though.

Disclaimer- No, I don't own any of the Sailor Scouts or any other character in this story, so just stop making me feel even sadder!

Serena stared at the moonless sky as she began to lie back down on her bed.


Serena: *sigh* Maybe someday we'll be able to afford a roof...

She was all alone and she had nobody to comfort with. She knew by tomorrow she would be with the others but she felt the need of seeing them right now.

While she was in bed? Ooooh, did I miss an adult content warning?

Serena got up and picked up her phone. She dailed first for Lita. The phone began to ring but nobody answered. Serena tired again but instead of calling Lita, she called Raye. Nobody answered there either.

Sucks that your friends found out Office Depot was having a sale on phones with caller ID, huh.

Serena just set the phone back to the reciever and lied back. All she could do was stare up at the ceiling, feeling the guilt that she has been through.

And here I was just hoping there'd be gross amounts of teen angst in this fic. Dreams really do come true!

"Sooner or later I will have to tell them, but how?" Serena asked herself as she pulled the covers over herself. She laid there feeling just terrible. Its like her insides where aching as she needed to see her friends and talk to them. But no one was there. She was all alone in her bed in the dark.

And the angst just keeps getting piled on! Goddamn, it must be my birthday or something!

She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

The next day was cold and rainy. All she could do was think about the secret and how it would rip them apart. Eventually, Darien would find out. She could not bare to see that happen.


More and more evidence supports my theory that the author has made Serena a lesbian.

"I will wait. It would break their hearts if they found out."

Serena got up and brush her teeth. Then something tugged at her. "Serena! Will you stop hoging the mirror?!" Reni complained as she began to push Serena aside.


Teen angst, spelling errors, and Reni. The Evil Triad is complete.

"No way. I just got here, so scram!" They began to fight in a constant battle for the mirror. Serena grabbed her by the wrist. "Serena stop it. You're hurting me," Reni cried out but Serena didn't let go of her.

Serena: I'm trying *Smack!* to brush my teeth *Smack!* so get the hell OUT! *SMACK!*

"Serena! You're hurting me. Stop!" Serena let go and looked at her hands. "What have I done?" Serena began to tear up.

Wow, someone's a little melodramatic today.

"Serena, are you okay?" Reni went up to her but was stopped as Serena stuck out her hand. "Stay away from me Reni," Serena called out as she got herself up. Shaking visibly, she ran from the room.

Guess that first cup of Folgers really does make all the difference.

"Serena..." Reni knew something was wrong with her so she went to spy on her.

Reni crept around the corner so Serena wouldn't know she was there.


Because staying close to the wall renders the person you're following blind and deaf.

Serena stopped and Reni hestitated as she was right behind her. Serena put up her hand and covered her mouth. She began to yawn. Then she began to walk again.

Whooo, boy, thank God. My heart was racing for a couple of seconds there. It was like, "Oh dude, she's totally gonna see her!" But then she didn't see her! This story is a suspense-filled rollercoaster of suspense, dramatic plot twists, and more suspense.

"Man, that was a close one," Reni said as she began her search for Serena's problem. Serena stopped once more and turned around. Reni quickly went behind a bush.

They have bushes in their house?

Serena was checking for something. Then she went into an alley. "Why would she go into an alley?" Reni asked as she went to the alley as well.

Serena's gonna try and score some more coke in exchange for hand jobs.

Serena looked back once more and touched a brick. "What is she doing?" Reni asked herself. Then a barrier opened, kind of like a mirror or something.

Using the words "or something" to describe a plot device in your story just conveys all sorts of professionalism.

Something was speaking out of it. "You have done well. You have given me all that you know about the Sailor Scouts. Now I can rule the world by hurting them where it hurts," the mysterious voice laughed out. "Yes, but does it mean I have to hurt them, too?" Serena asked as she went closer to the mirror.

All of this is just Serena on a bad acid trip, seriously.

"If it is your wish to do so then be my guest, but in the end I will destory the Sailor Scouts and you can be my queen." Serena fell to her knees, "I will hurt them, but don't let me see you kill them. It would break my heart."

Voice: No, no, I said you DON'T have to hurt them...

Serena: Very well, I will kill them. But don't let me see you dump their dead bodies in a mass grave and set them on fire. It would break my heart.

Voice: Ummm....

The mysterious voice laughed, "As you wish, my future Queen Serenity." "Thank you..... Lord Gemeni." Reni gasped at horror as she couldn't believe what she just heard.

Err, OK, let me see if I got this right... Serena's mysterious guilt complex was over the fact that she's been consorting with some evil villain who's planning to kill her friends? Makes her dilemma of how to tell them seem a little silly now, since they'll find out anyway when he kills them.

Reni tried to get out of there but she tripped over a brick. Serena turned around and went over to see who or what was there. She found her. "Reni, may I ask you how long you have been here?" Serena asked as she grabbed her by the shirt.

Oh yeah, as if she's going to risk her life and openly admit that she overheard your diabolical plans. Dumbass.

"This whole time! I can't believe you would betray your scouts. Why, Serena? Why?" Reni asked as she strugged to get out of Serena's grip.

Alright, you know what, fine. Just for that Reni, you deserve to die.

"Why? Because everything here has no meaning to me. And so I thought that since I will be leaving, I thought it would be best for you all to perish!"

I can identify with that feeling. Sometimes, when I go on vacation, it's just like, y'know, why shouldn't I kill all my neighbors?

Serena threw her down to the ground. "But all that time you saved the world with us... and you just want to through that away!" Reni cried out as she got up. "That was just a way for you guys to trust me, and nothing more than that," Serena said as she went to the mirror.

I love it when fanfic authors pull the old "everything that happened in the source material was a lie" plot voucher out of their asses in a lazy attempt to make their story seem like it could theoretically be canon.

"Yes, Serena?" Lord Gemeni asked. "I want you to... to... kill her," Serena ordered as she put her hand at her chest.

Well don't point to yourself, moron!

"As you wish." Reni tried to runaway from them but didn't make it in time to escape. The last words Serena ever heard from Reni was, "Serena, when I die I will haunt you in your dreams!"

Pssh, like there's anyone's dreams that she doesn't already haunt.

After that she was dead. "What do you want me to do with the body?" Lord Gemeni asked. "Just put it in the dumpster. They will find her eventually," Serena said.

Guess the author reeeeally wants to milk that shock value for all it's worth. Too bad killing off Reni is such an overused element in Sailor Moon fanfiction as it is. Also, I guess now is as good a time as any to point out that "Gemeni" is spelled incorrectly. You know, just gettin' that out there.

"Are you crying?" Lord Gemeni asked. "Yes. Yes I am." She went to pick her stuff up and left the alley to go to school. The mirror then went back to the ground.

Lord Gemeni: Alright, a quick trip to Albertsons for some Windex, then I'll get to some more killing.

Serena was walking on her way to school until she bumped into Ami. "Oh hi, Serena. Is everything okay? You're crying," Ami asked as she brought out a tissue. "Yes, Ami. I'm okay." But soon, as Ami does not know yet, nothing will be okay. All their lives would end before long.

Jeez Louise, thanks for the spoiler warning Blackberry14! >:(

"Hey, Ami. Could you do me a favor?" Serena asked as she walked beside her. "Yes, sure. What is it?" Ami asked as she stopped infront of Serena to hear her request. "I want you to call in the Sailor Scouts. I have something to tell them."

Seriously though, does she really think that telling them they're going to be hunted down in advance will actually make them easier to kill? That's B-horror movie villain logic.

Ami nodded, "But where should we meet?" Serena turned around and pointed at the alley, "We will meet right there. Meet me here at 6:00, got it?" Ami nodded once more.

Ami: Six o'clock in the dark, creepy alley full of blood stains. Got it.

'It has finally come. The time when the Sailor Scouts will perish and I will live with Gemeni. Soon there will be nothing but rubble on this filthy planet. Until then... I guess I have to study.'

Oh yeah, because that high school diploma is really gonna come in handy when the entire world is a lifeless wasteland. Christ, girl.

Serena thought to herself as she walked away from Ami. "Wait for me!" Ami cried out. Serena stopped and turned around with a smile on her face. 'Soon, they will all be gone.'

##########################################################################


Those railroad tracks look a little crooked...

Okay, how evil can I get. I am sorry for the Reni lovers out there. Sorry!

Yeah, you'd better apologize to all those... umm, three people.

Anyways, Serena has to tell the girls the deadly truth. But it seems that something is keeping her from doing that.

Her knowledge that informing them that they're going to die beforehand would be pointless? I know I'm mentioning that a lot, but man, I just can't get over how stupid that is.

Will the girls really perish and will Serena punish the world as well as her love, Darien? Wait and see!

Blackberry14- Man, I really feel guilty doing that to Rini.


You shouldn't. Honestly, it's the one thing I actually like about this story so far.

Of course Serena is really the one who killed her!

Serena- *crying* You are the evil one, not me!


Damn you Blackberry14, you soulless puppet master of hate!

Blackberry14- Okay, lets go on with the story before Serena kills me.

Serena- *pulls out a knife*

Blackberry14- yips!


Eh. Well, it's still funnier than the last couple seasons of Saturday Night Live...

Disclaimer- I feel bad enough that I don't own Sailor Moon or the Sailor Scouts, so don't remind me!

The cold, rainy morning seemed to slow down. The death of the Rini has made a big effect on Serena.


Some sentences in this story read like the subtitles on those bootleg DVD sets produced in Hong Kong by people who don't actually speak a word of English.

All she could think of is what Rini said before she died, 'Serena, when I die I will haunt you in your dreams!' She couldn't get those words out of her head. She made her way into the school, found Lita and them, and ran to them.

Good old them. That them is good people.

"Hey, guys. Why do you look scared?" Serena asked as she began to walk with them. "We had a frighting vision, but we all know it can't be true," Raye said as she tried to calm down. "We saw that you killed Rini.

Serena: Arrgh, the visions! I knew there was a reason I held off on killing Reni until now. Damn visions!

It was so frightening, but we all know that you wouldn't do that, would you?" Mina questioned Serena. "No way. I think you guys need to see a doctor or something." Raye pulled her sleeve up as she was about to hurt Serena.

Raye's got the right attitude. If you have a dream that your friend killed someone, and they deny it, and you have no way to prove otherwise, hell, just go ahead and kick their ass anyway.

"Don't do it," Ami called out as she pulled Raye back. "No way. I am going to bring her down. She is calling me crazy!" Raye cried out as she gotten loose from Ami's and Lita's grip. Serena, however, dodged her attack and punched her in the stomach.

Counter Hit! Tech Bonus! 10000

"That'll teached you to mess with me," Serena said as she walked away. "Man, what is her problem. Any harder and she could of killed me," Raye complained. Then she fell on the floor. "Raye!" the girls called out.

KO! Perfect! 45000

They went down to see if she was okay. "She will do fine. Why did Serena punch her like that?" Ami asked.

'Cause... Raye was about to beat the shit out of her?

"I don't know, but she has been acting very strangely, lately," said Lita as she picked up Raye.

It's probably just PMS. Yeah, that's gotta be it. It explains her actions perfectly.

"We should get to class before we all get into trouble," Ami said as she quickly picked up her stuff and helped Lita with Raye. "First we should drop her off at the guidance counselors office. They will take care of her there," said Lita.

Medical attention can come later. Right now she needs someone to help her find direction in her life.

Mina and Ami nodded.

Later the girls made there way into the office.


Seeing rookie fanfiction authors screw up simple homonyms like "there" and "their" kind of gives you the same supercilious sense of amusement you get when you pretend to throw a ball for a dog and he runs off chasing after it even though it's still in your hand.

"Don't worry girls. She will make a full recovery. Just tell me who did this to her," the nurse said as she was holding on to a clip board. "We didn't see," lied Mina. "We just found her like that." The nurse checked something on her clip board,

Yeah, she checked the "Lying Friends Headed Straight for HELL" box. If that isn't an actual checkbox on school medical forms, then it totally should be.

"Okay then, have a good day girls." The girls nodded a left to go to class.

Serena stared out the window. She wasn't paying much attention in class. Looking outside, all she could see is what may happen to the world. 'Soon, I will make new life here. Where there is no war.


Killing off the entire world's population sort of seems like a high price to pay for that though, doesn't it?

But first I must get rid of the obstacles.' Serena put her hand up, "Mrs. Susuka, could I use the restroom?" The teacher looked up from her book, "Sure, just come up here and take a pass."

Swap out that last 'a' for an 'i' and you've got a teacher with a fantastic sense of humor.

Serena got up and took the slip of paper. Then she left the classroom. Walking down the quiet halls. Where there is no sound at all, besides the sound of her feet hitting to hard floor.

Sentence fragments, beginning a sentence with a conjunction, structural contradictions, improper usage of a preposition in place of an article... I was grading the English of the entire story, my notes on the errors would be longer than the story itself.

'This is how quiet my world is going to be.' Instead of going to the restroom, as she was going to do, she went to the nurses office. There, Raye was sleeping. It was like she was dead. Serena could still hear her breathing.

So, it would have been like she was dead, if it wasn't for the breathing. The breathing, however, really destroys the whole illusion.

"Don't worry, Raye. Soon I will end your pain." Serena went and got a pillow. "She may still be breathing, but it isn't strong enough to withstand a pillow."

The awesome power of a pillow does indeed require great strength to overcome.

She crept closer and planted the pillow on Raye's face. Raye began to move a little, struggling to get the pillow off her face. But after that frightening blow from Serena, she didn't have enough strength.

Holy damn, Serena should be a boxer! With a jab like that, she could have KO'd Muhammad Ali in one round.

Then she stopped moving all together. Serena wiped the hot tears running down her face. She heard something and turned around. It was the mirror where Lord Gemeni talked out of. "It seems that you want to kill them. Why?" Serena placed the pillow under Rayes' head, "Because it would be easier if we get rid of them sooner than later."

You say that now, but when bodies start turning up everywhere, people are going to get a tad bit suspicious.

Lord Gemeni chuckled, "Really? Well do as you please, but let me kill a person I have in mind." Serena looked at the mirror, "Who?"

Lord Gemeni: That damn queen! She's always bothering me with that "fairest in the land" crap, and I'm sick of reassuring her ugly old ass.

"Tuxedo Mask or if you would rather say, Darien." Serena's face turned with fright. "It looks like you still have feeling for this boy," Lord Gemeni pointed out. "No, it just caught me off guard, that's all." The mirror began to go back to the ground.

I can't stop wondering... Is there like an underground base he goes to, or does he just sort of liquefy like the T-1000 or what...? We need more details here, Blackberry14.

"As soon as we are done we can live together and start a new life for one another." Then the mirror disappeared. Serena looked back at Raye. Her dead face was an expression of shock. Then she went out of the office, looked back once more, and left.

So Raye wasn't even good enough for a quick dumpster burial? That's cold, Serena.

The nurse screamed as she went into her office. She checked for pulse but found none. Someone eventually heard her screaming so they went to check out what was happening. "Oh my god, she's dead," the nurse said as she put her hands on her face. The group of kids heard her and went back to class.

Kids: Oh, is that all that happened? Man, whatever. Algebra was more interesting than this...

They began to tell what happened and just like a virus, the whole school seemed to know in less than ten minutes.

Knowledge is a virus. The cure? Brainwashing!

The news shocked the girls as they began to tear up, but Serena just sat down and stared at the sunless sky. No tears was forming from her as she already wasted them on just killing Raye.

So that's how it works? You cry when you kill somebody, then ten minutes later you've made your peace with it?

Lita and them went up to her. "What is your problem, Serena?" asked Lita. "Raye is dead and you are not even crying, that is so evil of you," Lita then slammed her hand on her desk.

Hello! Your friend just died after being punched by Serena! I wouldn't provoke her to more violence.

Serena, though, did not answer. "Is she even okay? Maybe she is in shock," Ami suggested. "Maybe we shouldn't meet after school and just meet at some other time," Mina proposed. Serena looked at them, "No, we are going to meet there no matter what!"

Way to play it cool, Serena. No one will have any reservations about following you into a dark, secluded alley now.

The girls looked at her in shock. "Serena, could you come over here for a minute?" her teacher called out.

Serena got up and went over to her desk. "What is it?" Serena asked as she planted both of her hands on the teachers desk. "It is not a good time to tell you this since the lost of Raye, but you will be needing to make up this test or else you are going to fail this semester."


Wow, one of your best friends gets smothered to death and 20 minutes later all your teacher can think about is giving you extra homework. That is one fucking hardcore learning facility.

Sernea eyes zoomed at her. "Sure, but let me just do something after school real quick, then I will be right back." The teacher shooked her head, "I am very sorry but I cannot let you do that."

They won't even let you leave until all your work is done. Goddamn, what school is Serena attending? Neo-Nazi Youth Regiment High?

Serena expression turned angry. "Fine."

She stomped off to go with the girls, "Never mind the meet up. We will do that at my house tomorrow. We can ummm... have a mini funeral for Raye.


They'll all say a few words, tell some touching anecdotes, then bury her in Serena's backyard next to her hamster.

You can invited anyone you may please. See you then!" Serena waved and walked out of the room. "I am very worried about her," said Mina as she picked up her stuff.

Mina: The Serena I know never would have bothered to give Raye a funeral.

"I think we don't need to worry about her, but should we worry about us," said Ami as she organized her bookbag. "What do you mean?" Lita asked. "Oh, nothing. Just had a feeling that something is going to happen."

What, you mean just because two of you are already dead and your best friend is acting all weird and secretive? Now that's what I call paranoia.

Ami picked up her stuff and left the class. Lita and Mina followed her.

Serena headed to class and sat down. "Okay, I hope that you studied for this one, Serena." The teacher handed her a sheet of paper. Serena took her pencil and started to pencil in the bubbles.


Serena: Nnnnggh! Staying inside the lines is hard!

15 minutes later, Serena handed her paper in. "My, Serena. It seems that you past it! That is amazing," said the teacher as she ohh and ahh at the paper.

So Serena's intent to kill made her smarter? This fic is sending all sorts of bad messages.

"Can I go now?" Serena asked. "Sure. See you tomorrow!" the teacher cried out as she waved good-bye. "What a pathetic human," Serena mummered to herself. Serena got home and put her stuff on the kitchen counter. "I will make them suffer. Tomorrow will be the day of death,"

Oooh, sorry kiddo, Mexico already has the copyright on that holiday...

Serena smirked a little. She ran upstairs and jumped on top of her bed. "Soon, they will all die!"

Right, right. You're going to kill lots of people. We got it.

Then she fell asleep.

##########################################################################


Each slash on that line represents a life that Blackberry14 has destroyed through fanfiction.

Man, does typing tire me out. Well, it seems Serena will be making the decerations for this 'party'. Will they Sailor Scouts fall and will Darien be killed along with them? The tradgey has only just began or end, I don't now.

So the tradgey (sic) has either just begun, or has already ended, or is possibly somewhere in the middle. Gotcha.

Serena- I still think she is evil.

Blackberry14- Oh, will you just shut up!

Blackberry14- Serena! Where are you?


Whoa, little short-term memory loss there eh Blackberry.

Serena- Right over here!

Blackberry14- Where?

Serena- Right behind you.

Blackberry14- There you are!

Serena- O.o

Blackberry14- Lets get on with the story!


GodDAMN I hate these little skits.

Disclaimer- Hahaha, everyone thought that I owned the Sailor Moon girls and all that.

Wait... No they didn't. You're as bad at lying as you are at writing fanfiction!

Wahhhhh, I really don't so stop reminding me!

The birds tweeted as the morning sun rised up and made the planet alive. Serena moved a little and laid on her side. "Today is the day. Better get ready for the decreations." Serena got up and started with the surprising 'decreations'.


Either learn how to spell "decorations" properly, or stop typing it so much.

Lita and them went up to Serena's doorstep. Mina went up and pushed to doorbell.

Oh no say Mina the door have started to move!

Serena lifted her head up, "Just in time." She snickered and went to the door and opened it. Ami, Lita, and Minas' faces went into horror. "So... do you like the decreations?" Serena asked as she pushed the girls in. The girls, then, started to scream. There were blood everywhere and for the streamers was Serena's little brother and her mother.

Oooooh mygawd. Bloody dead bodies with those drapes!? Serena, honey, pah-LEEZ.

"Serena... what have you done?" Ami turned to her. "I just made some new decreations.

ARRRGGH!! It's decorations, you twat! D-E-C-O-R-A-T-I-O-N-S! Buy a goddamn dictionary already! Or hell, just go to dictionary.com for free! It's not that hard to use, I promise!

Soon, you will be just like them!" Serena started to laugh. "What should we do?" Mina went to Lita. "The real question is why is she doing this?" Ami pointed out.

In a situation like that, I'd be less concerned about the reasons for my friend's newfound love of serial killing, and more focused on getting the fuck out of there.

"The reason? Why do you think Rini hasn't been here or that you haven't seen her and that what happened to poor old Raye. Such a shame that they had to die," Serena shooked her head a little.

I'm not buying it, Blackberry14. No. Even you have to know that "shooked" isn't a word.

"You're mad!" Mina cried out. "Me, mad? I think not. I am soon going to be happy. Just have to get rid of you!" Serena took out a knife that was behind her back and stabbed Mina with it. "Mina!" Lita and Ami cried out. Mina just had her eyes widen and fell down to her knees real slowly. She then died right there.

I bet all those Negaverse villains are feeling real stupid right about now. All those complicated plots to destroy the Sailor Scouts that ended in failure, when they could have simply bought a steak knife and taken out the whole team in one episode.

"That's it Serena. You have to see a doctor," Ami yelled out. "So I should just see you then? Good, I get to kill you as my doctor," Serena chuckled.

Maniacal death threats only work if they make sense.

Lita went right next to Ami, "We should get out of here and quick!"

"No Lita, I think we should stand here awhile longer and try to reason with Serena while she STABS US TO DEATH."

Ami and Lita tried to sneak away from Serena, but she noticed them trying to escape and she blocked the door. "Going somewhere?" Serena asked. "We're going to get the police!" Serena moved her finger back and forth, "The only place you will be at is in your coffins."

Compared to this crap, Freddy Kruger's one-line murder puns sound like poetry.

Ami began to hold on the Lita, "Lita, is this really it?" Lita started to tear up, "I don't know. I don't know." Serena took out a second item. It was an ax.

Shit, Serena knows how to dual wield! And she has +2 proficiency with all bladed weapons!

Lita and Ami crawled up to a corner as Serena began to rise up the ax. Then there was blood pooring all over the place as Lita and Ami were still screaming.

...Well, on the plus side, at least Blackberry14 avoided the clichéd ending of someone with a gun jumping in and saving them at the last minute.

Everything was quite now. Nobody moved at all. The blood began to drip from Ami and Lita. "Lord Gemeni." The mirror popped out of the floor, "Yes?" Serena took the ax and broked the glass. "Noooooo!" the mirror cried out.

So, wait, what the hell? Serena killed everyone so she could live with the mirror guy and rule the world, then she destroys the mirror guy, thus making the entire plan pointless.

It stopped hovering as it dropped down on the floor. Darien walked in. "Serena, what have you done?" Serena turned around and tried to fling to ax to Darien, but he grabbed her by the wrist and gave her a hug.

What a pussy. If my girlfriend chucked an ax at me, man, that bitch would be dead.

"Oh, Serena. Please stop this. This isn't right." Serena looked at his face and hugged him back, "Oh, Darien. I don't know what to do!"

Maybe you should try not killing people anymore. I think they have support groups for that now.

She began to sob on his shoulder. Darien felt a sharp pain at his back. "Serena..." He let go of her and put his hand on his back. "You are such a fool. I guess I have no reason to stay here. I will die with you all."

Thanks to the fact that Blackberry14 has lovingly neglected to insert paragraph breaks before each person's dialogue, trying to figure out who is speaking at any given point in this story is damn near impossible at times.

Serena took the knife that she stabbed Mina with and plunged it into herself. She began to spit out blood and groaned. "Goodbye... Darien." Then she fell on the floor, having no life in her.

Guess she decided that world domination wasn't such a hot idea after all.

Darien, however, was still alive. He made his way to the phone and called the police.

30 minutes later, the police investagated to house. They confirmed that it was a murder then suicide case. They didn't bother messing around with it since the murderer was dead.


That must have been like the easiest police investigation ever.

Darien was being carried off to the hospital and the only thing he had in his mind was Serena, killing herself.

Don't tell me he's still pining for her after that. Seriously Darien, grow a pair.

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20 years later, Darien was carrying off his 5 year old son in his hands. Yes, he is married with 3 children. Darien, although, still had Serena on his mind. He would wonder if she would ever come back.


When people impale themselves with a knife and vomit up blood before collapsing onto the floor, you should probably go ahead and assume that your days of hanging out together are over.

A little girl, age 6, jumped on Darien. Darien loved her the most because she resembled Serena. He claims that she is the recarnation of Serena, but nobody believed him.

So in the future, Darien is an obsessive, delusional psychopath.

Later that night, he was sleeping in his bed and a young girl went on his bed. "Hello, why aren't you sleeping?" Darien said childishly. "Because I have some unfinished business." Dariens eyes widen as the little girl pulled out a knife and stabbed Darien in the heart.

Dakota Fanning's homicidal rampage continues.

"Goodbye. See you in the after life." Then the little girl stabbed herself and died right there.

Even for this story, having a six year old girl commit suicide is in pretty bad taste.

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The end! Okay, that was a really short story, but hey nobody said it had to be long. So I hope that you will kill me because I fell guilty writing this but it was still fun.


Uh... Thanks for sharing, crazy schizophrenic lady!

Well gots to go now. Peace.

Serena- So that little girl was my recranation?


"Recranation"? That sounds like a breakfast cereal.

Blackberry14- Yes and you were her so you finished Darien off as you wanted to before.

Serena- I still don't get it.

Blackberry14- Loser.


Heheh, yeah, Serena is a loser, isn't she. But you know who the real losers in this fanfic were? The readers. All of you have my most sincere apologies for being forced to read through that repellent disgrace of a story. I really am very sorry about that.


 

And that's the end of that steaming crap-heap of a chapter. Man, that story just really fell apart at the end... Kind of like it did at the beginning and the middle.

Well, normally this is the part where I'd reflect back on how much the fanfic sucked, but I'm bored of doing that, so I'm going to take a cue from Blackberry14 and have my comments consist of me talking with a well-known pop culture icon. Instead of some animated character, however, I've decided to have a little dialogue with one of my all-time favorite celebrities! Enjoy.

 

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Alex: Alright folks, that was the fanfic. To help me recap it, I'm here with beloved actor/comedian Bill Cosby!

Bill Cosby: I can only stay for a few minutes. After this I have to go approve the script for Fat Albert 2: The Fattening.

Alex: In that case, I'll get right to the point. What are your thoughts on this fanfic, Mr. Cosby?

Bill Cosby: That story was tear-ee-bibble! It made no sense, with Serena and the smothering and the stabbing and the killing and the ah ha ha... When all along she just should have gone to the store and bought some Jell-O pudding. Try the new OREO Cookies n' Creme flavor!

Alex: I agree, the plot was very disjointed and it lacked direction, not to mention that Serena's motivation for the murders was never even really explained. It's like she just woke up one morning and thought "Hmm, I think I'll murder my friends and family today."

Bill Cosby: When I woke up this morning, I couldn't find the milk, but I used my detective skills like I did on my hit TV show, The Cosby Mysteries, and discovered that the milk was in the fridge behind the orange juice and the leftover chicken wings and the Jell-O pudding and the ah ha ha.

Alex: So tell me, Mr. Cosby, what did you think of that pseudo-evil overlord guy in the mirror?

Bill Cosby: Now, y'see, back when I was on the TV, we had an episode of The Cosby Show where Vanessa was upstairs looking in the mirror getting ready for the prom, and I was downstairs, y'see, and I was shouting "Vanessa, come down here! Your date is waiting for you!" And then she called down to me, "Dad, I'm not ready yet!" So then I said, "Vanessa, you're upstairs in the bathroom, doing your hair and putting on all kinds of makeup and goop on your face, while your date is downstairs waiting to take you to the prom! You should hurry up and go with this nice young man who is well-mannered and studying pre-med and will make you an excellent husband one day and give me lots of grand children with the visiting and the family reunions, and then everybody'll be happy!" And then she said, "Daaaad!"

Alex: That's certainly an interesting perspective on--

Bill Cosby: And in another episode, I walked into the living room there y'see, and Theo was looking underneath the couch cushions, and I said "Theo, what are you doing!" And he said, "I'm trying to find some spare change in the couch so I can buy a new basketball," to which I replied "Theo, why don't you stop tearing up my couch, and go get a job! You can go to the supermarket and get a job stocking the shelves with the organizing and the price-checking and the Jell-O pudding and the ah ha ha." And then there was this other time when--

Alex: Mr. Cosby, I hate to interrupt, but we should really be focusing on the fanfic here.

Bill Cosby: Yes, of course. So in conclusion, Jell-O Fat Free Instant Pudding is great for busy moms and dads, because it only takes five minutes to make the whole family say "Yum!"

Alex: So we're in agreement then. This fanfiction was a complete failure. Mr. Cosby, I want to thank you very much for your time.

Bill Cosby: ........

Alex: ........

Bill Cosby: *Pulls out a knife*

Alex: HOLY SHIT!