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Episode 14: "The Bermuda Island" - Part 2
(A 'Pokémon' fanfiction by TreeFolk)


Welcome back, readers. In the last episode of Project AFTER, I took a look at the first half of "The Bermuda Island", a Pokémon fanfiction that promised us adventure, romance, and intrigue. Ultimately, it failed miserably to provide readers with any of those three qualities, however it did offer up enough tacky, emotionless sex scenes to put the people who write the summaries on the back of fetish porn DVD's to shame, so I guess that has to count for something.

Now, before we dive into the second half of what will most likely go down in history as the darkest hour of this website, there are some things I need to tell you about the remaining chapters of this fanfic. I'm not going to bother warning you about the sex or the violence that is present in this story, because you probably already figured out that such things would be included in this episode based on the synopsis, however I do think it would be the professional thing for me to do if I warned you that that sex and the violence occasionally get mixed, if you know what I mean... So, if that kind of stuff offends you (and if it doesn't, then what the fuck is wrong with you), then you may want to tread lightly through this review and be prepared to skip certain sections. Or, just do the smart thing and skip this episode completely, log off of the internet, and never visit this website ever again.

The other thing I felt I should let everyone know about in advance is the fact that, for some inexplicable reason, the second half of this fanfic is written in a script-style format. Yeah. The first three chapters of this fic were written in a traditional prose format, while the last three were written in a script format without any explanation from the author as to why he abruptly made the change midway through the story. I'm honestly not sure why TreeFolk did that... My best guess is that he just wanted to branch out and try different writing styles! Ha ha haaa ha ha ha! Aaaah man. Poor TreeFolk... I have been making fun of him a lot lately, haven't I? Heh, maybe I should just grow up and leaf him alone! Ah ha ha HA HA ha ha ha haaaa! We're having fun, folks. We're havin' fun.

Well, that does it for my little pre-review pep talk. Don't say I haven't done everything in my power to prepare you for this hulking monster of fanfiction terror that you're about to face. Best of luck with making it through this alive.

 


 

Chapter 4

(A/N: Al right I'm back on track. I'm going to try a new way to type the dialogue. Tell me how you like it. On a final note First Ash/May lemon on the internet that I know of. If not please tell me.)


Aaaah ha ha, nice try TreeFolk! You almost got me angry enough there to go raiding a bunch of adult fanfiction sites for examples to prove you wrong, but you didn't quite have the right words to trick me into participating in that humiliating scavenger hunt. Suffice to say, you'll have to take my word for it that TreeFolk is a moron and if I had a dollar for ever awful Ash/May lemon I've come across, I'd be out buying myself a gold-plated helicopter instead of reading this shit.

Later that night:

Ash and May are having a romantic candlelit dinner out on the porch. It's a full moon and everything is illuminated by a silver glow.


Come to the fabulous Bermuda Island, where it's a beautiful full moon every night! We don't understand how it works either, so just shut up and go with it!

There are no clouds or sounds other than the gentle crashing of the waves, the chirping of various Noctowls and Hoot hoots and of course the voices of Ash and May.

"So, actually, I guess there are quite a few sounds after all... I don't know why I typed that first part about there being no sounds. Sorry about that everybody."

Ash: May I'm happy that it was you that won the pokemon battle today and rather fast as well.

Fast!? The battle that took up an entire chapter!? What's a slow battle, then? Something the size of a novel that would dwarf War and Peace?

May: Thanks Ash, but it wouldn't have been possible if you hadn't helped me at the beginning of my pokemon journey.

Ash: Yeah but it was you that captured and trained your pokemon. I just gave you some advive along the way when you needed it.

May: You also gave me the courage to start on my journey since I was afraid of pokemon until the day we met.


Alright TreeFolk, we believe that you watched the show. You don't need to give as an event-by-event recap of the entire 6th season to prove it.

(A/N: Just assume that they're eating in while the other person is talking)

So now I have to imagine two things going on at once? Goddamn, this is like the most demanding story in the world.

Ash: That was also the day that I fell in love with you.

May: Same here, even though your Pikachu trashed my bike and I had to walk to the gyms instead of ride my bike, but I was still enamored by how close of a relationship that you had with your pokemon.


Speaking of that, where is Pikachu anyway? Ash probably left him in a kennel somewhere back on the mainland.

They finished eating dinner and are beginning to head to Ash's room while everyone except for Misty was clearing the plates.

Maybe this is a little nitpicky for a story mainly about Pokemon characters fucking each other's brains out, but the author's tendency to constantly switch tenses mid-sentence is really annoying.

The finally made it to Ash's room and after Ash had locked the door so nobody would accidently barge in on them, he turned around and saw May in nothing at all.

Somewhere, Mewtwo was getting an erection.

With the moon shining down on her, Ash thought that he had died and went to heaven.

The moon was giving an erotic glow on her skin. Her big breasts were moving in rhythm with her breathing and was quite hypnotic because all Ash could do was stare at them. Before he realized it, he was naked as well and the distance between them was getting shorter and shorter every second.


Ash: Oh my God, what's going on!? Damn Brock and his anatomically-correct voodoo dolls!

Soon they were kissing each other passionately. Ash gentaly laid May down on the bed and spread her legs.

Ash: May are you sure you want to do this because once I enter there will be no possible way to take back what you lose tonight.


Once that dignity is gone, baby, it's gone.

May: Yes Ash do it. Ever since I hit puberty I've wanted you and only you to be my first.

Ash: I've felt the exact same way May. I hope I can pleasure you the way I've always wanted to.


Heheh, hey TreeFolk, would you say that Ash and May have been pining for each other!? Aaaah ha ha ha haaaa ha ha!

Ash took one last look at her and then gently thrusted into her. The feeling was unlike anything he has ever experienced in his life. He then held still to let May get used to his penis inside of her.

May: Hmm. Okay, thrill's gone. Are we done yet?

While he waited he reveled in how hot, tight, and wet it was inside of her body. May finally gave him a squeeze in the hand and they began to get a nice steady rhythm going. Ash began playing with her nipples causing May to orgasm for the first time that night. Ash just smiled as he almost orgasmed and barely held back.

Looks like somebody never got past the 'rough outline' phase for this scene...

He began to caress the sensitive skin of her neck with his toungue and then to her earlobes and finally started to just thrust because he was getting close to climax and wanted to do it at the same time as her.

I thought she already climaxed just a second ago. Damn it, these continuity errors are making it really hard to focus on masturbating.

Although every time he thrusted into her it would cause her hue breasts to jiggle getting him closer and closer to the climax.

They started to kiss each other and their tongues warred each other for supremacy until finally Ash won and they both climaxed at the same time.


Ash: YEAH! I WIN! Take that, bitch! In your face! In your face!

Do I get bonus points for making an unintentional bukkake joke?

With that, Ash rolled off of her pulled the covers around their sweaty bodies and both fell into a peaceful sleep happy that they were together and unaware of anything else.

Like the AIDS now coursing through both their bodies.

Meanwhile Misty was busy downstairs. Everyone had chores to do and Misty was to wash up the dishes, and she was scrubbing the dishes from dinner including Ash and May's. As you can imagine she wasn't happy at all about that.

And yet she still did it, because the dishware's cleanliness was just so very important to her.

Misty: Stupid Ash not choosing me over that bitch. I'll show her what it means to steal my man away from me. We'll just see how much Ash loves her when some unfortunate accidents happen because I had to stay up later then everyone else to clean these damn dishes.

She's upset about losing the man she was in love with, but she's downright PISSED about having to stay up and wash the dishes.

Just then she heard a noise like someone trying to sneak up on her from behind.

*creeeeeeeeaaak* Shit! *snap* Damn it! *crunch* Stupid fucking--!

Misty: Hello!? Is anyone there? Huh must be the wind.

Just then she noticed a set of eyes staring at her in the darkness. She tried to turn on the lights, but realized tha the electricity was off.


So she was washing the dishes in total darkness? Damn, Misty really takes her chore list seriously.

Misty: Uhh who are you? Brock are you spying on me again?

???: You wish I was just some pervert spying on you, but I'm here to do more than just that.


I see, it's oddly poetic how Misty was so worried about being peeped on when there are such worse things... to... Actually, I lied. That doesn't make any sense.

He then walked into the moonlight and Misty could see him clearly, but more specifically she saw that he was carrying a knife and was raising it to kill her.

Misty: No please don't kill ma, there is so much in life that I haven't expierienced yet.


Like having her lines run through a spell-check.

???: And you never will.

Ooooh, shot down.

Misty began to run for the kitchen door, but she didn't make it two steps before an accurately thrown tomahawk was embedded in her back. Misty was dead before she started falling to the ground.

Nightwolf Wins! FATALITY!

TBC

(A/N: So who do you think the killer is. Tell me who you think it is and why and if you guess correctly, you get to choose the next pairing and rating in my next story as long as it isn't yaoi..


That's TreeFolk's subtle way of saying "Please think up the plot for my next story and do all my work for me."

It could be anyone that is on the island so try to figure it out.

I must admit, TreeFolk's mystery has me stumped! Ah ha ha HA HA ha ha haaa!

More clues will be handed out as I continue so please hurry. R/R and thanx for making me a better author.

The transformation must be a very gradual one...

Remember, ANYONE could be a suspect.

I think Misty did it!

*****

Chapter 5

(A/N: Damn writer's block and internet not working. Anyway thanks for all the good reviews and I will put more Ash/May.


God Almighty... It blows my mind that people actually reviewed this fic. And their feedback was positive, no less. People actually took time out of their day to list things they liked about this story, and they were so impressed with how the author wrote the sex scenes that they made a formal requested of him to write more! What the hell is wrong with the world we live in.

I'll also try to put more drama and death in this and hope to finish it before school starts on Sept. 4)

The next morning Ash woke up at around nine, blissfully unaware of the horror he would find downstairs.


Ash: Oh SICK! Charizard went all over the carpet!

May was still asleep. He decided to wake her up with a nice good morning kiss.

Ash: Good morning May, How did you sleep last night.

May: Great, and now I'm fully energized for the day ahead.


I think they're reading from a script for a mattress commercial someone threw out.

With that they kissed each other passionately and went to take a shower together. In the shower They were washing their bodies with May in front and turned away from Ash so he could see her rather nice ass.

Her ass is rather nice. I'd probably give it a solid B... Maybe a B+.

May: Ash could you wash my back for me.

Ash: Sure if you'll wash mine after I'm done.


You don't just get something for nothing with Ash, May. You should have figured that out when you were sleeping with him.

With that he got down on his knees and started to rub the soap up and down the back of her shapely legs. He got up and started to wash her back and ass cheeks. While he was washing the back of her neck He put some hand lotion on his dick and slowly entered her from behind.

Ash: Mmm, oh yeah baby. I like that. Oooh yeah girl, that feels so nice and-- OH SHIT SHIT SHIT THERE'S SOAP IN MY URETHRA!!

He wrapped his arms around her body and began to fondle her breasts, but was stopped by May

May: Ash I'll let you continue this tonight, but right now I need to be alone to wash my hair.


Their relationship just isn't strong enough yet for them to see each other washing their hair.

Ash: Okay, but I'm holding to your promise tonight.

With that he got out of the shower, dried off and changed into khaki shorts and a hawaiin shirt and ran into Gary outside on his way to breakfast.


Gary: Wow Ash, you're looking especially faggotish this morning...

Gary: So Ash did you have a nice time with my little sister last night.

Ash: That depends on what you mean by nice. It was a nice dinner and the food was good.

Gary: Ash don't pretend to be naive with me I could hear you guys going at it like Tauros in heat.


This fic... it just keeps getting more and more messed up in every conceivable way. As appalled as I am, this is really quite impressive. I'd send a letter to TreeFolk formally congratulating him on his accomplishments in the field of awfulness, but I'm afraid he'd get all freaked out if I sent him anything written on a paper product.

Ash: Uhh, you're not mad are you.

Gary: No, who she dates is her choice, but if you upset her in anyway I'll make it so you can never have kids period.


Shut up, Gary. You know all personal disputes can only be resolved through Pokemon battles.

They finally got into the kitchen and what they saw looked like a scene from a horror movie. Blood was spattered everywhere, and Misty's limp corpse had a huge machete sticking out her back.

I like how the killer took the time to remove the tomahawk from her corpse and replace it with a machete for that added level of gruesomeness. It's little details like those that most psychopathic murderers just don't bother with these days.

Written on the wall in blood was "All residents of this island beware for I know you and I'm coming for you."

Again, most killers would be content to write a short message like "I'm watching you" or "you're next", but this guy went out of his way to wait for Misty to bleed enough so he could write out that longer, much more complete note. You really get the feeling that this guy cares about the quality of his work.

Ash: Oh my god I think I'm gonna be sick.

Just then everyone came downstairs or in Mewtwo's and Erika's case the livingroom which was on the other side of the house and saw the horrific sight in the kitchen.

Morty: Mewtwo, Sabrina, do either of you know who did this.


Did I miss something? Did using question marks go out of style at some point? Does even asking this make me really uncool?

Mewtwo: No, I was a bit preoccupied last night.

He and Erika were blushing, but nobody cared.


Gary: No need to be modest, I could totally hear you guys going at it like Tauros in heat.

Sabrina: No all I can tell you is that it was one of us.

What a startling bombshell that was. Everyone must fight over who gets to be Sabrina's partner whenever they play Clue.

I can't tell who though since nobody here really liked Misty and everyone's thoughts are too jumbled to read their mind.

Well good job there, Miss Cleo. Now more people are going to die and it's all thanks to you sucking ass at the only unique skill you have.

Morty: Okay well we better get this cleaned up and bury Misty.

Lance: Okay I'll go get the shovels, picks, and something to carry her on.


Good thing Professor Oak decided to stock his secluded island resort with gurneys and mining equipment for some mysterious reason.

Ash: I'll go call the mainland to get the coast guard out here.

Gary: I'll get some mops and rags to clean up this mess.

They all go to do something. Erika, Blaine, Clair, Pryce, Duplica, and Gary to dig a hole and bury Misty, Ash to call the mainland, and everyone else to clean up the kitchen.


They're the most organized group of horrified mourners I've ever seen.

Ash: Hmm lets see 925-9459..... What. Fuck no.

May: What is it Ash.


Ash: I accidentally called Booty Line by mistake. I hung up right away, but they're still gonna charge me two bucks for the call.

Ash: the phones are dead. I can't call the coast guard.

Gary happens to be walking by and hears this.


He was on his way to tell Ash and May that they decided to say fuck the whole burial thing and just toss Misty in dumpster.

Gary: Shit. Then we have no wasy to get off of this island since none of us has flying pokemon and we can't call the harbor.

Uh, can't Charizard fly?

Ash: Wait what about the boat we came here in.

May: That just might be our only hope.

They all run out to the dock to see that the boat has sunk to the bottom of the sea.


Next they'll find out that the engine in their car won't start, and the loaded gun in the nightstand will be missing, and they'll get call from the killer on a cell phone and the police will trace the call and find out that it's coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE OH NOES!

Ash: Well we should go tell Nurse Joy that we have no way of getting off the island and there is a murderer on the loose.

6 hours later the kitchen is finally cleaned, Misty was buried on a cliff overlooking the ocean, and Nurse Joy was informed of what is going on and she was moved into Misty's room sice she was too scared to be in the pokemon center all by herself.


Nurse Joy: Thanks everybody, I feel much better sleeping alone in the room that belonged to the murderer's first victim!

Morty was lying in his room thinking about the day's events and wondering what tommorow would bring him.

...Wondering why no one made any real effort to figure out who the killer was before he could strike again.

Then he heard a knock on the door.

Morty: Who is it?

Whitney: It's me, can I come in?

Morty: Yeah sure the door is open.


On the door handle hung a small sign that read "C'MON IN MR. KILLER!"

Whitney: Thanks, I just feel nervous that there is someone on this island that is willing to kill all of us.

She's just nervous, mind you. Ironically, she becomes an absolute wreck for like three days before a dental appointment.

Morty: Don't worry, I'll make sure nothing happens to you.

Whitney: Thanks Morty. I feel better.

Morty: No problem.


Beat that time, Dr. Phil!

Morty then gave Whitney a hug to help calm her down. Although he didn't realize until it was too late what affect Whitney was having on his body. They both noticed at the same time and when they looked at each other they could see nothing but passion.

I can't even imagine how immensely twisted you would have to be to get horny after spending the day disposing of a friend's mutilated corpse. I... Just... No. I don't even want to think about it.

They were slowly getting closer and closer until they kissed. Morty got rid of the bands that held Whitney's hair in position and it cascaded down to her shoulders. Morty untied Whitney's bikini top tossing it to the floor and quickly did the same to her thong.

Morty: Son of a bitch, you have a lot of things on you that require untying!

Morty gently put Whitney on the bed, took off his swimsuit and got on top of her.

Whitney: Are you sure that you want to do this.


Well, considering he was the one who just randomly started ripping off your clothes and then threw you onto the bed...

Morty: Yes Whitney. I love you more than life itself and want to be with you forever.

Leave it to TreeFolk to write such sappy dialogue! Ah ha ha haaa ha ha!

With that Morty positioned his dick in front of her entrance and slowly pushed it all the way in. They managed to pick up a rhythm after two thrusts and started to go faster and faster. He started kissing along her jawline and nibbling gently on her ears.

None of the characters in this story have ever heard of foreplay, apparently. I'm guessing their idea of a romantic evening is to dim the lights slightly before jumping into bed and attempting to destroy the mattress springs in under a minute.

Whitney: Oh yes Morty harder . Go harder now.

Morty: Whatever you say my dear.


Wow, they're both faking it.

They were both getting closer and closer to climax. With one final thrust. Morty and Whitney kissed one last time, orgasmed and slept for the rest of the day. Never noticing the man outside that watched the whole entire thing.

Gary: Damn, they're going at it like Tauros in heat!

???: Hahaha, Another couple for me to tear to shreds. But now I need to quench my lust for blood and sex.

Question Mark Joe there sounds remarkably like an 80's-era cartoon villain, except he makes slightly more frequent references to murder and rape.

He then ran to te window of Nurse Joy's room and saw that she was in the shower. He jumped throhg the bathroom window and got in with her. Grabbin her by the hips he is thrusting into her. He quickly orgasmed into her nice ass and shot her with a silenced pistol. Nurse Joy died before touching the bathtub bottom.

Does the killer coat all of his weapons in poison or something? I can't figure why else every one of his victims would be experiencing death in midair like that.

As a side note, I'd just like to say that 'Death in Midair' would be an awesome name for a heavy metal band.

TBC

(A/N: So another couple is formed and another person is dead. There is one clue in this chapter as to who the killer is. the sooner you figure it out the less people that get killed. So R/R and tell me how you like it. Until next time Adios amigos)


Yeah, you're a really horrible person TreeFolk.

*****

Chapter 6

(A/N: Well this is the last chapter.


YES!

I hoped you enjoyed reading my story.

NO! NO, NO, NO, and more NO!

I will try to get my next story up soon, but I'm back in school and have to do homework. oh well there's still the weekends.)

Oh really? 'Cause, I don't know, I guess I just assumed your weekends would be spent with a private tutor your parents hired in a desperate last-ditch attempt to improve your English enough that you could finally move up a grade.

1 week later

It was terrible. Every morning Ash and his friends would wake up to find another person dead on the floor. Now the only people that are left are Ash, May, Whitney, Morty, Brock, Erika, Mewtwo, Gary, Pryce and Sabrina.


Ritchie, Duplica, and Clair should all get better agents. They didn't even get any speaking lines in the whole story before their characters were killed off.

Brock is the only person that doesn't share a room with anyone since Gary, Lance, Melody and Sabrina got together. Anyway let's see what they are talking about.

Huh? So Lance and Melody are alive, too? Damn it TreeFolk, you can't even preserve the continuity of facts you wrote down two seconds ago!

Ash: So many people have had untimely deaths it was saddening.

Gary: Yeah I know, how're we gonna tell the pokemon league about why they need new gym leaders.


I think their families might take the news kind of hard, too.

May: I don't know big brother, but it's going to be difficult for everyone.

Brock: Hey Melody could you help me with something upstairs.

Melody: Sure Brock.

So they both go up to Brock's room, and everyone besides Brock is completely oblivious to what is about to happen.


Well, I think the readers just got a clue thanks to that subtle implication. Skillfully handled as always, my friend.

Melody: What did you need me to help you with Brock?

Brock is currently locking the door so Melody couldn't get out and then drops his pants.

Brock: Oh nothing just my desire to kill and satisfy my lust at the same time.


So Brock raped all of his victims when he killed them? Wait, wasn't Blaine murdered? Oh no. Oh GOD NO! BAD BAD BAD GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET THE HOLY FUCKING SHIT HELL OUT RIGHT NOW!!

He then tackles her over to the bed and rips off her clothes so she is completely exposed and roughly flips her over.

Melody: Brock no please don't do this.

Brock: But I must. I haven't had any decent sex since I killed Misty.


Whoa, major slam against Nurse Joy there...

Right when Brock was about to enter her, Mewtwo bursts into the room and holds Brock against the wall with his telekinesis.

This Summer... Justice Plays Mind Games!

Mewtwo: so it was you that killed almost everybody. Why?

Brock: Why? You want to know why? It's because I can never get a girlfriend. No matter how hard I try, I always get rejected. so I'm getting revenge.


By killing a bunch of people who had nothing whatsoever to do with the women who turned you down. Yeah... Here's the thing with that: You can't really get away with saying it's "revenge" unless, you know, your victims wronged you somehow.

Mewtwo: Well it stops here. Even as we speak the police are coming to arrest you and I'll personally see to it that you don't escape.

I thought all the phone lines were dead. How did-- Oh my God, why the hell am I even questioning it anymore.

Lance then rushes into the room.

Lance: Melody are you okay? Did he do anything at all to you?

Melody: No I'm fine. Mewtwo got here just in time.


Brock: And I would have raped that stupid bitch if it weren't for you meddling kids and that psychic Pokemon!

Lance: Thanks Mewtwo. come on Melody. Let's get you something to wear.

They both go out of the room and down the hall.


Where even more magical and wondrous adventures await them.

Brock: I just have one qwuestion Mewtwo. How did you know?

Mewtwo: Simple. I'm PSYCHIC you retard I read your thoughts and as soon as you left I told everyone what would have happened up here.


But he had to wait until Brock at least tried to rape her before taking action to make sure this didn't turn into some Minority Report shit.

Brock: Then why didn't you stop me when I killed everyone else during the night.

Mewtwo: Uhh I was preoccupied during the night.


Well, this thing is pretty much mocking itself at this point, so I'm just going to use the rest of this review to point out various continuity flaws and nonsensical plot devices that were present in the story. For the sake of fairness, though, I'll also attempt to list possible explanations for these "errors" that could theoretically rationalize them.

A few hours later the police came and took Brock away and gave everyone else a ride bac to the mainland.

On the boat in Ash's room, Ash is laying down thinking about the past events until he hears a knock at the door.

Ash: Who is it.


First off, if Mewtwo had the ability to read Brock's mind at any time, why didn't he figure out that Brock was the killer after everyone first found Misty's mangled corpse in the kitchen? Alright, so "everyone's thoughts were too jumbled" to read their minds right then, but the killings continued for a week before Brock was caught! Why the delay? Possible Explanation: Mewtwo secretly wanted everyone to die because they might have interfered with his penis-enlargement fruit snack pyramid scheme, but he eventually had a change of heart (or got bored).

Erika: It's me can I come in.

Ash: Yeah sure.

Erika walks in.

Erika: I'm sorry about everyone that you lost during the trip.


Also, how damn isolated is that island supposed to be, anyway? It had a working Pokemon Center, plenty of perishable food freshly stocked, plus all the amenities, yet one boat was their only way off the island. How did they get supplies out there? What was Nurse Joy supposed to do in an emergency? Possible Explanation: The island was actually a secret base of operations for Cobra that receives supply shipments via submarine on a regular basis, and both Professor Oak and Nurse Joy were really just pawns of Serpentor.

Ash: It's okay. I know they're up in heaven having fun and in good health.

Erika: What's going to happen to their pokemon?

Ash: Prof. Oak has agreed to take allof them including Brock's.


And speaking of that boat... It had to be a pretty sizeable yacht to accommodate sixteen people on an overnight cruise, yet Brock managed to sink it quickly without the use of explosives or anything else that would have alerted everyone as to what he was doing. Possible Explanation: Brock is in fact a level 18 Sorcerer who used a Scuttle Boat spell to destroy the vessel instantly.

Erika: That's nice and if you need anything you know we all will be ready to help you.

Ash: Thanks Erika.

Erika: No problem.


Another of Brock's tricks included cutting the phone lines, which doesn't make much sense given the setting since A) with all the facilities that were on the island, you'd probably have more than one phone line, and B) unless Brock somehow destroyed the primary line to the mainland, the others could have tapped into that and used it to contact somebody. This is, of course, ignoring the fact that a small, populated chunk of land like that would more than likely have a long-distance radio tower of some sort. Possible Explanation: TreeFolk is an idiot.

Erika: I'm just so glad that we were able to get off that island after all.

Then the intercom comes on.

Mewtwo: Okay everyone, we are finally home.


...Is the fic still going? Goddamn. Oh wait, it looks like it's almost over. HOPE IS IN SIGHT!

So everyone found their respected others and walked off the boat and into their new lives and lived happily ever after.

You'd think going through something like that would have left them with a few emotional scars, but luckily for them, TreeFolk's ADHD is kicking in and he needs to wrap this up so he can go investigate that awesome paperclip he just spotted.


THE END
 


You've got to love those hollow feel-good endings... Well, since I just went through and pointed out some of this fic's more glaring plot holes, I won't waste any more space analyzing the many, many mistakes made in this story. Come to think of it, I guess there really isn't a whole lot left for me to say about anything related to this fic. Oh sure, I could throw in a couple paragraphs rehashing my feelings on how horrible all of this has been, but I don't think you guys need me to state the obvious in order to figure out that you just got through reading the literary equivalent of dog shit.

Honestly, I'm kind of at a loss here. What's the right thing for someone in my position to do in a case like this? Do I just cut my closing commentary short and end the episode, hoping that everyone can somehow go on with their lives and start forgetting that they ever laid eyes on this page? Do I approach the fanfic from a more idealistic point of view and try to find some consolation amidst such needless destruction of everything good and pure? Do I attempt to reroute the focus onto some other topic to briefly distract the readers from their inner suffering and give them a fighting chance at overcoming the ensuing wave of depression?

To be frank, I don't think there is a "right" thing for me to do in this case, short of deleting a few select HTML files. Attempting to find solace in the existence of this crap-heap of a story would be pointless, and if there are words which can help numb the pain, I don't have them. All I have is one tiny fragment of hope, sustained by my continuing dream to see fanfiction like this erased from the internet forever. And I ask myself, "Is this a dream that we can all share?"

With your generous donation of just $9 a month (that's only thirty cents a day; less than the cost of your morning cup of coffee), you can help keep this very special dream alive for all of us. Thousands have already been touched by the support of the Project AFTER Network, but many more are still without good, clean reading material... And even more heart-breaking, they are without hope.

Operators are standing by at 1-900-FIGHT-THE-FANFIC, waiting for you to reach out and help save a life. Please, won't you call now? Sign up to be a Project AFTER Network partner today, and we'll mail you the name and picture of a child who has been traumatized by bad fanfiction that you can support. Then, every month, we'll send you photos and updates of your sponsored child as he or she receives the psychiatric treatment and medication needed to help them forget about the horrors they've been exposed to by talentless fanfiction authors.

So stop being a selfish prickhead and pick up the phone today. With your help, we can see to it that stories like "The Bermuda Island" are stopped, and more fanfiction authors are prosecuted to the full extent of the law for the pain they've caused and the lives they've ruined. With your help, we can save the young victims of today before they grow up thinking that writing bad fanfiction is okay and pollute the internet with even more appalling Pokémon rape/snuff fics. With your help, we can continue to fight for a better tomorrow... For everyone.

With your help, we can all share this wonderful dream.