Evangelion: Rehashed

 

Ask any hardcore fan of the show and they'll tell you in a second that Neon Genesis Evangelion is the best anime series ever created by human beings in the history of anything. And while they'd probably fight you to the death defending that statement, the truth is that most "fans" of the show are merely agreeing with the masses, because they, like almost everyone else who has seen Evangelion, didn't actually understand what the hell was going on at any point throughout the entire series. No big surprise, given the fact that the producers of Evangelion were a lot more concerned with scoring drugs and child pornography than they were with writing a script that was coherent. And that, fanboys and girls, is why I've called in some great talent to help us make sense of this often-perplexing animated maze of religious symbolism and extreme facial close-ups.

Below, you'll find recaps of the series presented in convenient half-episode segments packed with so many insightful details and little-known facts that your brain spontaneously exploding from an information overload is a very real danger. If you think you can handle it, then prepare yourself to journey past the teenage nudity and rampant angst and discover once and for all what that "hidden meaning" stuff you've heard of is all about. When you feel as though you're ready, just click on either part of each recap, and enjoy the ride.

 

 

Episode Recaps:

Episode 01

Part I    Part II

Our hero Shinji arrives in Tokyo-3 just in time to watch it be crushed by an Angel, then lands a job at his dad's giant robot outlet store.

Episode 02

Part I    Part II

Stakes run high as Shinji reluctantly battles the monstrous Angel, only to run even higher as he moves in with manic-depressive hottie Misato.

Episode 03

Part I    Part II

More new characters are introduced (including Shinji's classmates at Loser High), along with some brand new reasons to hate the old ones.

Episode 04

Part I    Part II

Shinji runs away from home to live in a tent with Kensuke, but is soon overcome by severe panic attacks and eventually gets thrown in jail.

Episode 05

Part I    Part II

Having nothing better to do, the scientists at NERV begin conducting a series of experiments on theľ OMG NAKED REI! *fap* *fap* *fap*

Episode 06

Part I    Part II

As a floating cube monster attempts to destroy NERV headquarters, it's up to Shinji to overcome his fear of girls and help Rei shoot it down.

Episode 07

Part I    Part II

Several main characters attend a test demonstration of a new weapon where things go horribly awry. Can Misato and Shinji save the day!?

Episode 08

Part I    Part II

Fan-favorite teenage superbitch Asuka makes her debut in this thrilling episode wherein the heroes must do battle with yet another Angel.

Episode 09

Part I    Part II

When conventional weapons fail to kill the latest Angel to threaten Tokyo-3, Shinji and Asuka must resort to performing a ballet routine.
Episode 10

Part I    Part II

NERV finds an unhatched Angel egg deep inside a volcano, prompting Asuka to go on a dangerous mission in pursuit of the ultimate omelet.
Episode 11

Part I    Part II

Our heroes once again find themselves in the dark (albeit in the literal sense this time) when Tokyo-3 experiences a massive power failure.
Episode 12

Part I    Part II

Miasto receives a promotion at NERV and begins having flashbacks to when she was a character in Fallout 3. Also, Shinji is an idiot.

 

 

I'm going to be kind and assume that you're smart enough to know that 'Evangelion' is not the property of this site or the writers of the episode recaps. Just in case, though, you should know that it isn't. So there.