Episode 04: "Rain, Escape, and Afterwards / Hedgehog's Dilemma"

Part II


Hey, bastards. It's me again, back for another fun-filled half-half-hour of Evangelion. Let's get to why this latest recap took so long:

bullet I graduated from high school and had parties galore.
bullet I bought FFX-2 and Resident Evil: Code Veronica X.
bullet I signed up for Magic: Online and made a totally bitchin' deck for only about $5.
bullet I bought Monty Python's Life of Brian.

Understandably, I didn't want to take time out from all that fun stuff to write this, but duty calls, you know. It is my patriotic duty as a visitor of Project A.F.T.E.R. to write these horrible synopses! That said, let's get to it.

Last time, Shinji's a whining cunt. In this half: Shinji's still a whining cunt, but gets his ass beat.

The scene opens in Kensuke's makeshift campsite in the dead of the night. He's kindling a campfire in a... large grassy field. DEAR GOD, DIDN'T ANYONE TEACH HIM ABOUT FIRE SAFETY?! Come on, Smokey! Tear him a new one! Anyway, as he's kindling his very dangerous fire, he talks about how Toji was chewed out by his second-grade sister, who told him that the big robot had saved her life and all. Kensuke turns to Shinji, asking for affirmation. Shinji just acts all depressed like a camwhore asking for PayPal donations.

Kensuke goes on that he likes it out at night, since those noisy cicadas don't chirp. He rants on and on about his childhood experiences outside at night with no supervision from his deadbeat parents. Shinji cuts in about Misato saying that the ecosystem is returning to its former state, blah blah blah. What a lame-ass conversation.

Now with the name Misato mentioned, Kensuke turns into "pathetic D&D nerd" mode. "I really envy you, Shinji!" says Kensuke. "I mean, you live with such a beautiful woman, and you get to pilot the Evangelion!" And, uh, Kensuke reverts to double-entendre mode. "Oh, man, I wish I could get inside that lovely cockpit just once!" Oh, wacky Kensuke, will you ever stop with the innuendo.

Shinji replies that he shouldn't; his mom would get worried. Kensuke replies, "Oh, don't worry about that, I don't have one of those." ...So... How was Kensuke born? ...Okay, better off not wondering about that. Anyway, Kensuke continues, "I'm no different from you!" Shinji's eyes open in sudden understanding of Kensuke for some reason. And then Kensuke offers Shinji a snack. Heavy.

Anyway, cut to when the fire's out, and they're both in a tent and we see it from the outside.

"Do you usually do things like this?" asks Shinji for reassurance.
Kensuke replies with confidence, "Well, sure!"


Please, stop, Kensuke!

Shinji asks, "Is it some kind of training for guerilla warfare or something?" Yeah, the raping part of the raping and pillaging. Kensuke replies, "How can I fight with toys like these? It's just for fun!" Okay, enough of this Brokeback Mountain roleplaying.

The scene fades out and fades back in, and the scene is exactly the same, only there's a thin mist over the area. I bet they even used the same scene as above and just layered a translucent gray film over it to save production costs.

From the mists, they come. Five people, dressed in black, approach the little tent. Kensuke awakens to the feel of their chi, and we see Shinji's already awake. Kensuke leaps out of his tent threateningly, and sees... Five level 86 Orcs! He's slain and Shinji is taken captive. But wait, Kensuke luckily had the Angel's Feather accessory equipped, so he survives with 1 HP!

Apparently, the fact that there were five high level enemies doesn't keep Toji from later wailing on Kensuke. Toji screams, "Geez! Don't you have any balls at all?!" Girls in the background yell, "Girl! Pervert! Ape!" for comic relief. Haha... Oh jeez. Kensuke replies that only an idiot would fight when he knows he can't win.

Cut to NERV headquarters, where Shinji sits in the corner of a cell waiting to be made someone's bitch. The door opens and we see the silhouette of Misato. There's some chat between the two about whether Shinji feels better or not. Misato asks if Shinji will pilot the Eva. Shinji asks if Misato would scold him, almost asking for attention. Shinji asks what would happen if he refused. Misato replies, "I suppose Rei would pilot it."

Shinji, being chivalrous for some reason, says he'll pilot it to save Rei from the trouble. Misato points that he doesn't want to pilot it. Shinji feels really chivalrous then, pointing that he needs to help them all. Misato, still silhouetted to save production costs, screams back that if he doesn't like it, he should GTFO. Misato leaves, and Shinji starts... going crazy, I guess.

What's with all the pink in this damn episode?!

Cut suddenly to Ritsuko, Gendo, and Rei. Ritsuko's all, "Dude, the 3rd Child's out." And Gendo replies, "No prob, Rei'll cover for him. Forgot the Unit 0 experiment, Unit 1 works fine." Ritsuko gives Rei a little Death Glare™ action. Gendo points out that the 4th Child... hasn't been found yet. Uh, so why bring it up other than for needless foreshadowing?

Cut to where Shinji's MasterCard ID is being cancelled. Shinji asks where Misato is, but since he just resigned, that stuff's classified. They are at a train station, and we suddenly hear Kensuke yell, "Ikari!" Toji's there, too, apparently. They toss Shinji his bag that he left behind, and Shinji goes to thank the two after asking for some time.

There is a silence, and Kensuke uses his Persuasion skill (naturally rolling a 20) to convince Toji to speak to Shinji. Toji apologizes, and begs to be hit back. Shinji refuses to release his rage in such an uncivilized manner. Toji screams for him to hurry up. And Shinji's about to give him a slight tap before Toji screams in a horrible manner, "Hey, WAAAAIIIIT!" Shinji stops.

Toji's all in a low voice all of a sudden, "Don't hold back." WHAMMO! Shinji knocks Toji's block off like that Rock'em Sock'em Robots game. Kensuke's all, "Oh! That hurt!" After some laughs and high-fives and a couple of beers, Shinji asks how they knew he was there.

Kensuke lies about map hacking and says they saw other classmates leave before, and that this was sorta expected. Toji sympathizes and all with Shinji, which really opens his eyes. Toji pledges to kick the ass of anyone who blames Shinji for leaving.

Shinji tries to say something back, but he's pulled back by the Men in Black. He goes to leave, and as he's climbing up the stairs with the suits, Toji and Kensuke watch. Shinji suddenly rushes back with the Men in Black pulling him forward, and he screams about how he's the pussy, the one who should be hit, the pathetic one, blah blah blah. He's mostly spot on in this analysis.

Cut to the Eva's pool, where Ritsuko says to Misato, "Well, he's gone. Do you really think this is for the best?" Misato replies with the Hedgehog's Dilemma, using Ritsuko's fable back on her. Shinji can't let anyone know how he feels, or else he'd be hurt. Way to go, Freud, you solved all of his problems!

Cut back to the station, where Shinji's wait for the train ends and he stands as it stops before him. Cut to Misato's car, speeding down the streets like a motherfucker on wheels, breaking several speed limit laws and qualifying for time travel if she had a flux capacitor installed. Cut back to the train station, where the doors close and the train begins to roll off. Misato enters the scene in her speeding car, stopping just in front of the station. The train leaves, and Misato silently looks on after it, thinking Shinji's gone.

Toji and Kensuke notice the babe standing there. Misato sighs and turns away, showing that Shinji was behind her head the whole time. Which means he was completely within her field of peripheral vision. Not only that, but Shinji disobeyed a government order to GTFO.

After some time, Misato finally looks back and notices Shinji. "I'm home," Shinji mutters. (Still a cultural expression in Japan.) "Welcome back," Misato replies.

And on that heart-warming note, the episode ends.

Next time, it's Rei character building and all as Shinji trespasses into Rei's home, gets to see her naked, and cops a dirty feel. ...Wait, this sounds like the beginning of any given fetish hentai flick. God, Gainax really loves that random nudity, huh?

Recap by SSJ Heero.