Frequently Asked Questions
If you're like most Project AFTER readers, then your
initial reaction to many areas of this site is complete and
utter bewilderment, possibly mixed with varying degrees of
fear. This is entirely understandable, given the... "unorthodox"
nature of this site, however brilliantly designed it may be.
I can't teach my readers anything if they're overcome by
confusion, though, and that's why I always encourage any
curious visitors of the site to ask me about whatever it is
they're uncertain of.
However, as much as I love to enlighten those seeking
answers, as the mastermind behind the exquisite model of
web-based genius that is Project AFTER, I'm usually quite
busy with other matters, and my time to answer questions is
limited. That's why I felt it was time to build a page for
answering the most frequently asked questions I receive from
readers, to save you all from the embarrassment of coming to
me with yet another stupid question (yes, there is such a
Below, you'll find a list of the most common queries I've been asked
over the years,
as well as my usual response, presented in a handy Q&A
format (the 'Q' stands for Quantum Leap, as in the
hit 1990's TV series, while the 'A' stands for Avocado,
as in the base ingredient for delicious guacamole). Please
check below to see if there is already an answer to your
question before you send me an e-mail asking it, as this
will possibly help prevent additional messages piling up in
my inbox that distract me from all the supportive and
uplifting fanmail that my readers send me.
By the way, could guys please send me more than like one piece of fanmail every six months so
that I have an excuse for taking
so long to get back to the people who ask me questions?
* * * * *
Q: What are the preferred system
settings for this site?
A: Project AFTER is best viewed in Internet Explorer 6.0 or
above, with style sheets enabled, with a screen resolution of
800x600 or higher. Although I do my best to
ensure the site can be viewed in as many different browsers as
possible, I can't guarantee that everything will display exactly
as it should unless you're using IE. If that isn't an option,
then Mozilla Firefox is a decent alternative.
Q: What's the purpose of this site,
anyway? Why is it your mission to oppose fanfiction?
A: They say that necessity is the mother of all invention, and
Project AFTER was born because I saw a world where no one was
willing to take a stand and face the growing threat of bad
fanfiction. Everyone needs a cause to keep them going in today's
world, and I believe that mine is to
dedicate my life to combating the menace of horrible spelling,
ridiculous storylines laden with plot holes, nauseatingly dumb
romantic parings, and warped tales of all manners fouling the
names of our most beloved fictional characters. Until the world
comes to understand how serious the threat of fanfiction is, I
can only continue my life's work to save as many unsuspecting
people as I can.
Q: What's so special about anime
fanfiction, though? Aren't there also a ton of horrible Harry Potter and
X-Files fanfics out there?
A: Indeed there are. However, I've opted to have this site focus
primarily on anime fanfiction for a couple of reasons... First
off, the authors who focus solely on anime for their
source material make up one of the largest and most rapidly
growing fanfic communities on the internet, and yet, the vast
majority of what they produce is still complete garbage. This makes
for a lot of potential material to feature on Project
AFTER, while still allowing me to stick to a single type of
fanfiction and give the site a more specific theme. It's also
slightly less painful for me to be able to stick to trolling
just one section of FanFiction.net and not have to subject
myself to the horrors of stories that ruin other mediums of
Q: Don't you feel like a soulless
monster for tearing apart something that somebody worked really
hard to write? And besides, is it even legal?
A: I have trouble believing in the myth that fanfiction authors
actually work hard on anything they write. If they were
really serious about crafting a detailed, soul stirring work of
fiction, then why the hell didn't they even bother to think up
their own characters and settings instead of stealing someone
else's? And even if I am crushing a few dreams with each fanfic
review I write, it's the fault of the authors for contributing
to the growing menace to society that is bad fanfiction. If
anything, I'm doing these writers a favor by dismantling their
foolish illusions that they have talent, saving them from a
wasted future spent producing insipid, poorly-conceived drivel
that no one with half a brain will ever bother to read.
Q: Okay, so your sense of morality is
really screwed up, blah blah blah, whatever. But is mocking
A: If you want to get technical, then fanfiction itself isn't
even entirely legal to begin with. But thanks to the fact that
no one who actually knows anything about copyright laws gives
half a shit, nerds continue to weave epic tales involving
characters from their favorite shows and games with no attempted
lawsuits to speak of. I would imagine fanfiction mockeries fall
into a similar legal gray area. That having been said, if
anybody wants to try and drag me into court for making jokes at
the expense of their Pokémon gangbang snuff fic, then I
say go for it.
Q: What's the difference between a
regular episode of PA and a "Special" episode?
A: While they may seem picked at random, I actually have fairly
strict guidelines for the fanfics that are featured in episodes:
They have to be based on an anime series, they have to be
written in a certain style, they have to be a certain length,
etc. Specials are simply mockeries of miscellaneous stories or
articles that I wanted to make fun of, but didn't fit the
criteria to be in a normal episode for whatever reason. As for
why Specials get their own section,
it's a clever way of dispersing the content to create the
illusion that this site has more features than it actually does.
Q: How do you find all this horrible
A: I honestly don't know how anyone could not find it.
Visit any fanfiction site out there and just browse through
their archives for half an hour or so. If you can go that long
without coming across at least one or two stories that are
complete shit, then you either have impeccable luck, or the
lowest standards of any human being I've ever known. Bad
fanfiction is everywhere. Finding the really terrible stuff is
just a matter of patience (though it doesn't take as much as you
Q: I found a really awful fanfic that I
think you should feature on the site. Can I send it to you?
A: By all means, I'm always open to submissions for any horrid
fanficery my readers may come across. If you find a fanfic you
think is bad enough to become a victim of my irrational hatred, then
just send me an e-mail with a link to the story included. If you'd
rather send me the fanfic directly, then just attach a .txt, .doc,
or .wps copy of the fic to your message and make sure that the
author's name and any other necessary info like that is included.
Please don't copy the fanfiction into the body of the e-mail
Q: I'm a hot-shot comedy writer
who's ready to make his debut on the internet! If I send you
something I wrote, will you put it up on the site?
A: Hahahaha...! Fat chance, asshole! Actually, the odds of me
accepting any new original material are pretty slim since I've
already got enough regular features going on the site as it is,
and I'd rather focus on adding to those instead of cluttering
the place up with a bunch of miscellaneous crap. However, I am
always willing to accept new guest editorials and guest
fanfiction mockeries. You don't even have to have any real credentials to send me
something so long as you can write worth a damn. Check out the
Contact page for more information on
how to submit your work.
Q: Will you post a link to my website
on your Links page?
A: It all depends on the content and quality of your website. As
long as it isn't some piece-of-shit Geocities webpage you
threw together in ten minutes, then feel free to
e-mail me a link. I'll look it over, then let you know whether
or not your site is cool enough to be mentioned on a totally hip
online hangout like PA.
Q: How come some of the episodes and
other pages are missing? I remember reading a particular feature
on the old site, but now I don't see it up there.
A: Since July of 2006, the site has been going through a sort of
reconstruction process where everything is being rewritten and
improved, one page at a time. A busy schedule has kept
me from putting everything back up as quickly as I had
originally planned, but I'm still working hard to get all the
old pages upgraded and ready for reposting on the site. It may
take some time, but everything that was on the old site will
eventually be back online, better than it was before.
Q: When can we see our child again?
A: When I see my goddamn money on the table in front of
me, as was discussed! Remember that, dumbshit? Apparently not. No, apparently you're a retard who can't hear worth shit,
otherwise you would have caught the part where I said NO DAMN
COPS! If you try to pull any shit with me even one more time--ONE more time--I
swear I'm putting a fucking bullet in that little
brat's skull. You seriously do not want to
fuck with me at this point! I am done with the bullshit!
Q: Whatever happened to the old Project
AFTER Forums? Are they still online?
A: As a matter of fact, they are. After they officially closed
down in early 2006, I decided to continue paying the
subscription fee to keep all the old posts (or at least those
that survived the infamous "ezBoard attack") online, for
archival purposes. If you want to take a stroll down memory lane
or just find out what the hottest anime and gaming gossip
amongst a bunch of shut-in geeks was back in 2004, you can read through what's left of
the old forums right here.
Q: Back on the old website, there used
to be a title on the Other Features page called 'Tokyo Shopping
Spree' that was supposedly "coming soon" for like two years, but
never appeared on the site. What was up with that?
A: When I first began building the site, I had ideas for a
couple of features that I hadn't started writing yet, one
of which was called "Tokyo Shopping Spree". TSS was essentially
going to be a series of visual parodies making fun of all the
oddball products sold on J-List (this was back when J-List was
still fairly unpopular, before Something Awful became the site's
personal marketing whore). Other areas of the site demanded my
attention, though, and TSS got overlooked for some time...
Eventually, I lost all interest in writing it and the feature
was axed, but the dead link and the "coming soon" noticed stayed
on the site for the next two and half years because I was too
lazy to set aside the 30 seconds of work it would have taken to
Q: About how often do you update the
A: I don't have a set update schedule to speak of; I just try to
get new material written whenever I have the chance, then put it
up on the site when I've got enough content ready to be
bothered making an update out of it. My goal is to update
the site at least once a month, but sometimes it'll happen more
or less often depending
on what kind of feature I'm working on and how much free time I
have to finish it.
Q: So when is the next update going to
A: Uh, can't really name any specific dates... Just, you know,
whenever I have time to get some new content ready.
Q: Are you going to update the site
A: ...Umm, yeah, I hope so... Possibly...
Q: Will it be too long before you
update the site again?
Q: Hey, I noticed you haven't updated
the site in awhile...
A: Oh that DOES it! That one wasn't even a fucking question!
THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
* * * * *
Still have a question about the site that wasn't answered in the
above FAQ? In that case, feel free to
send me an e-mail
and ask me whatever is on your mind, and I'll be happy to answer your query
to the best of my ability... Or I'll just lie to you. Whichever turns out to be
easier for me.