According to aging songwriters and television commercials for wireless phone companies, the holidays bring with them a great bounty of joy and cheerfulness, not to mention fantastic savings on the newest paper-thin cell phone model that's guaranteed to break in half if you so much as set it down on a hard surface too quickly. Unfortunately, for roughly the past decade, the holidays have also adopted the trend of bringing a fresh wave of terrible amateur writing onto the internet. Seasonal fanfiction seems to become more abundant every year, with the fics that take place on or around Christmas being especially plentiful. It's terribly ironic that the day intended to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior has brought us some of the very worst of the horrible fanfiction that plagues mankind, but that's the sad reality of it.

Whether foolishly optimistic or grimly determined, some people do attempt to fight back against the horrors of holiday-themed fanfics. One such indomitable individual is Liz Hastings, who has proven herself to be quite skilled in the field of fanfiction fighting on a number of occasions. Perhaps her greatest battle was against a work by the infamous Bumblebee, an author that regular readers of this site should already be familiar with. The story was an especially potent concoction of insanity--even by A Happy Little Bumblebee's usual standards--titled "Yokai Christmas". After seeing it debase both the names of an internationally-celebrated holiday and several
Yu Yu Hakusho characters in one fell swoop, Ms. Hastings sprung into action and brought the fic's reign of terror to a swift and hilarious end.

Like all great Christmas tales, this entry in The Bumblebee Chronicles is destined to be retold for countless generations to come, no matter how much the members of those future generations may come to regret the preservation of this twisted tale. Now that yet another of Bumblebee's crimes against humanity has found a permanent home here on Project AFTER, no one will be safe from the mental images of gay sex involving strawberry-flavored lube ever again. - Alex

 

 

Guest Special: "Yokai Christmas"
(A 'Yu Yu Hakusho' fanfiction by A Happy Little Bumblebee)

Reviewed by: Liz Hastings


I first made contact with this fanfiction a little over a year ago, and being new to Project A.F.T.E.R., I was still a bit naďve as to the amount of trash that actually leaked (or, in some cases, shoveled itself) onto the internet. Since then, I've seen things that could be considered far worse than the story that you, dear reader, are about to experience (which I completely blame on a lack of good judgment on your part).

However, even now, I can't seem to get over the uncanny rage that fills my heart every single time I think of this story. You see, I really like Yu Yu Hakusho. I enjoy the action and the storyline tremendously, as well as the characters, heroes and villains alike. That right here is probably the main reason why this fic continues to get me so riled up. Everything that I like about the show is completely absent in this story, only to be replaced by...

Well, you'll just have to read on to find out, won't you.

 


 

Yeah, I'm still continuing Don't Say A Word, but I just wanted to write something closely reminding horror... (after watching too much Silent Hill-videos and watching my friend play Fatal Frame...the scariest games ever...(no, I haven't played either. And I really don't want, I'm such a scaredy-cat.)

This is what you may call an extremely late Christmas fic.

Considering the fact that this was written in June, then yeah. I'd say it's kinda late. We're off to a promising start, aren't we?

I don't much care, the idea sounded good, so there you are, then.

Don't you just love it when people write things for no apparent reason other than to purposefully torture their readers? I know I do.

It's my first Hiei/Kurama story,

I don't think it really matters if it's your first or your fiftieth. No amount of experience can render that premise any less awful.

so, while I enjoy criticism, no need to be nasty, like saying it's downright crappy. That's just rude. But, I hope you like it, I worked pretty hard. Oh, and the people are a bit OOC, just a forewarning to you. But here it is.

Disclaimer- I don't own anything except the plot. Oh, and not Ragnorok, though it's fantastic stuff!


Uh-huh... Don't really know what to say to that just yet.
 

Yokai Christmas

by: A Happy Little Bumblebee
 

Kurama stared in his mirror, fussing with the single stray hair he just couldn't settle. It was rather annoying, he had wanted to look absolutely perfect.

*Sigh* Alright, I think we all know that Kurama is not this conceited. Actually, he's probably the least conceited person on this entire show. You just have to admire the raw talent that it takes for an author to completely mutilate the personality of one of the main protagonists inside of the first paragraph of her story. It's pretty impressive.

He sighed happily, the last hair finally staying put.

Then, he heard a tapping on his window.

Kurama smiled and shook his head. Only one person, er, yokai, would enter through his window.


It's a well-known fact that Hiei only goes through the window because he can't reach the doorknob.

"Hello, Hiei," he said, puling the window shut. His short friend eyed him up and down.

Here come the catcalls...

Kurama was dressed in a red shirt with dark green flair pants.

"Why," he said, sounding disgusted, "are you wearing that?"


Hiei: Not like I'm asking you to take it off or anything...

"I'm goin to a Christmas party ar Yusuke's, actually.

Kurama: And from there, we be searchin' fer the map to aid our quest to seek the gold doubloons. Climb aboard, matey!

Though I doubt you enjoy a human holiday," Kurama said, pulling a few presents from his closet.

"You're right, I wouldn't. When is this party?"

"Eight o'clock," he said. "I'm leaving very soon."


You can just feel the uneasy tension in this scene.

"How soon?" he asked, eyebrow arched.

"Now," Kurama answered, nearing the door.

Seriously, Kurama is grinding his teeth together so hard his jaw is about to crack.

Kurama reached for the doorknob, but was stopped by Hiei appearing before him.

Horror movie music can be heard playing in the background as Hiei brutally murders Kurama.

"Then I'm coming."

"Why do you want to?"

"I came to see you. I plan on doing so."


Wow, I wonder if he came to see him because he suddenly realized his true feelings for him or something painfully obvious like that. I certainly hope not. Actually, Hiei's reasons for visiting Kurama will probably remain a mystery forever, so don't even worry about that.

Kurama shrugged. "Whatever you wish, I suppose."

"Then let's go," Hiei said, exiting the room.

Kurama laughed quietly and closed the door behind him.


Kurama: The fool has no idea... Heh heh heh heh...

'This promises to be quite amusing,' he thought happily.
 

* * *


As they neared the Spirit Detective's house, Hiei felt something cold smack into the back of his head.


For my sanity's sake, let's hope it was an ice pick.

He reached for the spot and pulled snow from his hair.

"Why did you throw snow at my head?" he asked Kurama.


Kurama is acting all passive-aggressive to keep the anger from completely overwhelming him.

"Because," the red-haired boy said, a slight trace of a laugh in his voice, "I thought we could have a snowball fight."

At eight o'clock at night, in the dark. Good idea.

Hiei stared at him for a few moments.

Kurama: What? Do I have something on my beautiful face?! *Frantically whips out a compact mirror and a flashlight*

Hiei looked from Kurama to the snow, and eventually said, "That's stupid."

"It's actually rather fun. Usually, I get some hot chocolate afterwards from Mother. She makes it better than anyone, especially Yusuke's mother. She puts alcohol in it."


Bumblebee: Atsuko's not in this story because she's probably out getting wasted somewhere. Remember, kids, drinking is wrong! Oh, and don't forget to come to my house after the fic! I'm having a gay porn slumber party! *Squeals*

Hiei kicked a growing pile of snow and continued to Yusuke's.

No snow pile is safe from Hiei's wrath.

"It's much more fun to torment others with something more painful."

Kurama put his hands on his hips.


*Sigh* And so it begins...

"How come nothing can just be for fun?" he called.

"Tormenting others ~is~ fun," the short yokai called back.

The fox shook his head and ran to catch up with Hiei.


Yeah, because Kurama is such a rookie when it comes to the concept of killing people. He just doesn't understand anything about poor Hiei at all.

"You know, at least in snowball fights, ~everyone~ has fun."

Hiei looked at Kurama, eyes narrowed.

"I don't care about other people, or yokai."


Just leave it as "people"! I mean, it's not as if you're saying "humans" or anything, so what does it matter? Is this some weird kind of political correctness crap?

"Of course you do!" Kurama said, putting an arm round Hiei. "What about me? Or Yusuke?"

Hiei: All right, all right, I confess! I've secretly harbored many fantasies about you ever since I first laid all three of my eyes on you, but I've been too filled with the fear of rejection to tell you! ..... I mean... What?

"I could care less about a simple human. I suppose you may be different."

"I guess that should be a compliment. Coming from you, anyway," he said, grinning.

"Whatever," Hiei replied. Typical way for him to end a conversation.

'Oh well,' Kurama thought carelessly. 'We're there, anyway.'


It's over? Already?! Woo hoo!

As he thought this, Yusuke opened the door to greet them.

NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo.... Shit.

"Hey Kurama!" he said happily. "And you've brought our favorite silent yokai. Hey, Hiei!"

Hiei sent him a look and walked in.

"Sorry about him, he'd come over right before I left."


Kurama: That Hiei is such a party animal! Uh, I mean... Yokai! Party yokai!

"Hey, the more the merrier, I never say!" He nudged Kurama and looked toward Hiei. "But there's a first for everything on Christmas, isn't there?"

Kurama blushed lightly at this little tease. Yes, he'd liked Hiei for ages, but he'd never dream of making a move! Should he? It is Christmas, after all.


...Excuse me?! WHERE did this come from?!

As these thoughts ran through his mind, an orange-haired thug bounded over screaming at the top of his lungs. "Fox Boy! FOX BOY!!!"

Yusuke: Oh God! Everyone, take cover!

Everyone leapt out of Kuwabara's way, but he still managed to trample them as he bounded across the yard. For the unfortunate souls caught in his path, it would be... A Red Christmas.

Kurama shook his head slightly. "Hello, Kuwabara."

"Hey, c'mon, we're gonna open up presents! Don't stand by the door all night!"

"Of course, let's go," Kurama said, walking with Kuwabara to the area round the tree.

And the tree was truly magnificent. Multi-colored lights were sparkling brightly in the dim living room. Several silver and gold bulbs had been hung on the branches, reflecting the lights and everyone's happy faces. And, at the very top of the tree, was a beautifulangel, dressed in silver that glittered brilliantly. It was wonderful. Even Hiei seemed to like it somewhat.


Hiei: Must...resist...urge to...destroy all life...

"Alright," Yusuke said, clasping his hands together. "Let's pass out presents!"

The others nodded in agreement and pulled out their gifts. As the passed them out, Kurama noticed Hiei off by himself.


I wonder what's wrong with Hiei. It's so unlike him to be all by himself! What gives, Bumblebee?!

Kurama smiled slightly.

He got up from his seat and walked over to the raven-haired yokai.

"What?" he asked harshly. "The others are waiting for you."

"I'm sorry," Kurama said, "but I came to give you your present."

Hiei looked up at the fox. "What?

Kurama smiled and held out a small, wrapped parcel to the man before him.


Oh, so he's a "man" now, is he? Are you sure you don't mean "yokai?" Psh, you racist.

"For you. I didn't believe you's want to come to a party, but I wanted you to recieve a present from me nonetheless."

First Kurama's a pirate, now he's in the Italian Mafia? What's next, is he going to randomly become gay?!

Hiei took it from the outstretched hands.

"What is it?"


Kurama: Poison. Er, I mean it's poison. I mean it's sake! Right... Sake. Drink up.

Hiei: ...

Kurama: Hell.

Kurama shook his finger at him.

"The point is that you don't know. It's more fun."

"Stupid human traditions."


Hiei just hates anything that doesn't involve him killing things. Which, I can sympathize with... Still, he's the one who wanted to come to this party.

Kurama grinned and walked back to his seat.

"Alright!" yelled Kuwabara happily. "Let's open these!"

The three boys seated around the tree tore into their presents excitedly, whilst Hiei continued to stare at his own.


OK... I guess Hiei didn't really want to know what it was after all.

"Wow, wicked!" Kuwabara said, holding up avery oddly named movie with a very nakkie lady on the cover. "Thanks, Urameshi!"

A very nakkie lady as opposed to what? A lady who's only a LITTLE nakkie? I detest all bastardized forms of the word "naked" by the way, but that's just me.

"Knew you'd like that!" he said, giving his boyfriend a small sqeeze.

Wait, did I miss something? Like why he'd OH GOD SEIZURE

"WOAH!" Yusuke shouted a moment later. "Kurama, how'd you know I liked 'Ragnorok'?"

I have to admit it, I have no idea what "Ragnorok" is. So far, I've come up with three possible explanations:

1.) She misspelled "Ragnarok" as pertaining to the Norse myth, as in a book about it or something.

2.) She misspelled "Ragnarok" as pertaining to the online game or the anime based on it.

3.) It's some kind of porn.

"Just a guess," the boy answered. "But I must thank you for this stuffed fox."

"Weird, ain't it? Reminded me of you!"


Kurama: *Sarcastically* I wonder why. No, seriously! SAY IT!!

Hiei looked at the fox plush. He did look like Kurama. Silvery fur that almost shimmered, and a very pretty face....

Hiei's eyes widened and he turned away from the others.


Hiei has just come to the startling realization that he's sexually attracted to plush toys.

Soon, a yell from Kurama brought him to his senses.

"Kuwabara, why in all of Spirit World did you belive I'd need this!?" he yelled, blushing like mad, holdong up a pair of silky red crotchless underwear.


Bumblebee has just achieved an all-new level of low. Party at her house! Bring your own knives! ...I mean beer... Uh... The knives were for cutting the cake, Officer. Yeah...

"I think you know perfectly well why you'd need those!" he yelled back.

Actually, I don't think ANYONE knows perfectly well why Kurama would EVER need those! ...On second thought, I don't really want to know. You never can tell with these fanfics. No wait, yes you can, and that's where the fear comes from...

Hiei looked positively disgusted with this. Though, he was rather curious about how Kurama may look in them... (Wow, little Hiei's mind is in the gutter....)

Yours will be too, once I'm finished with you. I'll just throw the rest of your body in the sewer.

"Just shut up and open the present from me!" said Kurama, putting his underwear aside, but leaving the fox in his lap.

"Yeah, yeah...."Kuwabara mumbled, ripping the paper off. "Cool! More porn! I love you guys!"


Kurama: ...Actually, it's not pornography. Those are educational videos about African tribal culture. Why would I get you pornography?

Kuwabara: This is the worst Christmas EVER!

"I think you love your movies more!" laughed Yusuke.

"Dern straight!" Kuwabara said proudly.

Hiei rolled his eyes. That one oaf was worse than he thought.


As opposed to the second oaf who wrote this terrible story.

"Only ones left are yours and Hiei's," Kurama said, pointing to the present in Yusuke's lap.

"Okay, let's see it then!" He began to pull off the wrapping, then stopped.

"Is this nasty, Kuwabara?"


Whatever would make you think that, Yusuke? That's just crazy talk!

The boy put on an innocent expression.

"I wouldn't dream of it!"

"Yeah, I'd like to believe it..." he said, finishing the paper. He froze when he saw the contents.

"You gave me... condoms..."


Yusuke: Damn you Kuwabara, your Christmas gift is a box full of LIES!

"And," Kuwabara added, "some strawberry lu-"

PLEASE! I don't want to know!!!

"I can see that!" Yusuke yelled, not really wanting to hear it said aloud.

"My boyfriend, the perv."


Oh, and you're NOT a pervert? ...Wait, you mean your friend who just happens to be a boy, right? RIGHT?!

Kuwabara sat on Yusuke's lap and kissed him gently on the lips.

Two of the straightest guys ever are now kissing each other. This is the sign of the Apocalypse. I always knew fanfiction would be responsible for the end of the world.

"Would you want it any other way?"

Yusuke grinned and kissed him back.


Well, that wasn't going to be my answer, that's for sure.

Kurama had long since left those two and sat himself next to Hiei.

Kurama: So, did YOU know that they were bisexual?

"So," he asked quietly. "Are you going to open your present?"

He did, and as the gift came into view, Hiei froze. In his hands was a framed photograph. That alone was more than he had expected.

 

The fact that it was framed exceeded his wildest dreams.

However, what, or rather who, had caught his eyes was the smiling face on his sister, Yukina.

"Um," Kurama said nervously. "Do you like it?"


Hiei: ...NO! I TOLD you that I wanted a pink pony! *Chucks it out the window and runs away, crying hysterically*

"When did you take this?" he asked, still staring at the photograph.

"Before she left after we had ~beaten~ the Toguro brothers. I'd been planning to give it to you since then for Christmas."


Yeah, 'cause that whole Dark Tournament thing was just a get-away trip that involved such luxuries as taking pictures...

'It's perfect...' he thought, awestruck. 'The best gift I've ever recieved...'

Hiei, however, merely coughed and stuck the photograph in a conveniently sized pocket. "Thanks," he said sarcastically, "I'll treasure ~that~ forever."


Hiei makes me laugh.

Kurama's entire face fell immediately. Though he really hadn't expected a major shower of emotion from Hiei, a thank you would have been pleasant. Maybe a small smile.

'He hates it...'


Honestly? I think Kurama expected too much out of him. Besides, it's not like Hiei actually lives anywhere right now, so he won't have any place to keep his picture except for that "conveniently sized pocket". Even then, it would eventually get broken or lost due to the many violent battles that were completely left out of this fic due to reasons I sincerely doubt I'll ever understand.

Hiei saw the hurt in the fox's emerald eyes and turned away.

"Okay, well.... you're welcome, Hiei." The red-haired teen turned and walked bak to Yusuke and Kuwabara, who were still arguing about Yusuke's 'special' gift.


Yeah, because that's a topic I really want to return to. She knows I'm kidding, right? Right?! Crap, I forgot that she doesn't care about her readers' wellbeing for a second there.

"What's wrong with it?!" Kuwabara yelled.

"You should know! I HATE STRAWBERRY!" Yusuke screamed back.


Hey, thanks for the scarring mental images, I'll treasure them forever! No, really, I mean it!

"Well I'm ~sorry~ if I made a little mistake! You're not perfect either!"

"Of course I am! Just look at me!"

"I'll do more than that!" Kuwabara said, pouncing his love.


What. The heck.

"Perv! There are guests here!"

"Who cares?"


Well, there's THE GUESTS, there's me, and there's everyone else reading this story. Except, Bumblebee doesn't really care, so it looks as if they're going to press on anyway. Joys upon joys.

"Geroff me!!" he yelled, throwing Kuwabara off and running away.

Finally! Someone showing a shred of good sense.

"You can't escape!"

"Watch me!"

Yusuke ran screaming into his room and slammed the door in Kuwabara's face.

"Hey, Urameshi, you can't stay in there forever!"

"Yes I can!"


As idiotic as all of this is, I'm actually wishing that nothing else would happen for the remainder of the story. Speaking of extreme idiocy, why did Yusuke get Kuwabara porn - let alone STRAIGHT porn - for a Christmas present if they're going out? I'm starting to believe that Bumblebee is living in my attic and only writing this to anger me even further.

As they continued their little quarrel, Hiei began to feel even more guilty. Why had he been such an arsehole? He'd loved the gift! Why couldn't he just say so?

Kurama: Hiei's being so insensitive! That's so unlike him! *Comforts himself by whipping out his compact mirror and flashing himself a dazzling smile*

Finally, drawing in a deep breath, Hiei stood and walked over to the fox yokai. He seated himself before him.

'Yes, Hiei?" Kurama said, a trace of sadness in his voice. The fire yokai almost winced at this. He hated to see his friend so down-trodden.

"Well...." he began. "It's the present you gave me."


Hiei: Do you still have the receipt?

Kurama looked up, his eyes shining with tears. "I'm sorry. I really thought you'd like it. Dispose of it if you wish," he paused. "I guess it really doesn't matter."

"No.. I mean that..." he twisted his hands, something extremely rare to see the usually composed yokai do. "I liked it. Very much."


Yes, it is extremely rare (read: out of character) for Hiei to twist his hands out of nervousness. At least you can admit it. We must always admit our mistakes before we can correct them.

.....

I'm waiting.

Kurama looked up into Hiei's eyes. "You really mean that?"

Hiei nodded, smiling slightly.

Kurama grinned and ran a hand through his hair.


Kurama: Ouch, I think I pricked myself... Stupid rose.

"I'm glad. I had really hoped that you'd love it."

"I guess... I do."

"Kuwabara, leave me alone!" Hiei and Kurama turned quickly in the direction of the yells.

"Don't make me use me gun! I'll do it!"


So, now Yusuke is what, Irish? These new accents are so confusing...

Wait a minute, why would Yusuke shoot his spirit gun at Kuwabara, damaging his own house/apartment/whatever the frickin' hell it is in this story while he's trying to wall himself up in his own room? That doesn't make any sense at all.

"You ~wouldn't~! Don't you do it!"

"I'll do it, I swear I will!"

"Don't you do it!"


No, YOU hang up first!

A few moments of silence, and then...

 

"SPIRIT GUN!"

OH FU-

There a deafening bang, and then Kuwabara flew into the hallway, hitting the wall behind him hard.

"Ouch," was all he said before falling unconscious.


You mean, "Before he died a horribly painful death," right? Right?!

Yusuke stepped out, grinning broadly. He turnef and saw Hiei and Kurama staring back at him. Yusuke arched his eyebrows and crossed his arms.

“You can’t tell me you didn’t see that coming.”


...Wow. Is the author actually admitting that she's being unoriginal and predictable? That doesn't happen very often...

The two yokai looked at each other, then back at the boy.

"You're right," they said in unison.

Yusuke nodded, satisfied. "I feel better. But maybe you two should get going." He motioned to Kuwabara. "Ain't gonna be pretty when he wakes up."


Yeah, 'cause he's really pretty now...

"You're probably right. I'll get my presents tomorrow, Yusuke. Let's go, Hiei."

Hey, it looks like I was wrong! It looks like Hiei and Kurama are going to get out of this unscathed after all! Joy to the world!

Hiei nodded and walked with Kurama to Yusuke's front door.

"Hey!" Yusuke said, pointing to a place above their heads. "You're under the mistletoe."


Oh, come ON!

Hiei cocked his head to the side. "And why does that matter?"

It DOESN'T!

"When you stand under the mistletoe with someone," Yusuke stated, "you kiss them."

"You kiss them. Why?"

"Christmas tradition, that's all."


That's the lamest excuse to turn someone gay EVER! Way to go, Yusuke, you ruined Christmas!

"I have to kiss Kurama?"

Yusuke nodded. Hiei looked at Kurama, who looked a bit awkward.


I should probably be questioning as to why the mistletoe hasn't been mentioned before, as it seems to be positioned above the threshold of the front door, but I think that I have more pressing issues at hand. Like throwing up until I pass out.

"Whatever." The smaller yokai stood on his tiptoes

Hiei: Can't...reach...

and pressed his lips gently up Kurama's. This action rather surprised the fox, but he didn't dare pull away. He had an excuse to kiss his beloved fire yokai. He'd take advantage of that.

What about their feelings, Bumblebee? Huh?! Say you love him just once, Kurama! Just ONCE for me!

He pulled Hiei closer, intensifying the kiss. Hiei did not pull away, so Kurama did not stop. He ran his tongue over Hiei's lips, begging for entrance, which Hiei willingly gave. Kurama soon felt as though in a dream. The taste of his little yokai was pure ecstacy alone. Everything around them had frozen.

Well it's probably really cold in there after Yusuke blasted all the walls in his place the hell full of holes.

"Hey...guys?" Yusuke said nervously. "Kurama? Hiei?"

Yusuke: You guys didn't just spontaneously become homosexual, did you? 'Cause Kuwabara and I already did that.

The two pulled away, staring intently into the other's eyes.

Hiei was the first to speak.


Hiei: I hate human traditions.

"What's this I'm feeling?" he asked quietly, reaching for Kurama's hand. He pulled it over his heart, which was beating very rapidly.

"I believe," Kurama said, smiling, "that you are experiencing the emotion called 'love'. The name matters not, however, as I am feeling this, too."


Why doesn't the name matter, again? Oh yeah, I forgot that every time someone kisses in a fangirl's story, it's automatically called "love", no questions asked. Silly me.

Hiei leaned into Kurama, his head in the taller yokai's chest. "I think I like it."

Poor, confused Hiei.

"As do I."

Poor, confused Kurama.

The two stood there a moment, neither moving. Eventually, Yusuke coughed loudly.

Yusuke: C'mon, guys, let's wrap this sucker up. Kuwabara and I are going for a beer run in five minutes.

"Um, it's kinda late. Best you two be off."

"Yes, I suppose. Mother will be worried. Come, Hiei, you will be staying over tonight."


Hiei: But won't your human mother care that her only son has suddenly become gay, and his brand-new boyfriend is "sleeping over"?

Kurama: *Blinks* Why? Should she?

Hiei nodded, opening the door.

"Good night, you two lovebirds!"

"I believe that we could say the same to you!" called Kurama. Yusuke merely blushed and shut the door.


I give up. You might as well just give these people different names, because they sure as hell aren't the cast of Yu Yu Hakusho. In fact, I wish that A Happy Little Bumblebee would do exactly this from now on. She can mutilate her own characters on her own free time. I also wish for a robot to do all my homework and chores, that college and life expenses to cost exactly $3.82 per year, and I had my own private jet.

...

If Jiminy Cricket were here right now, I'd squish him.

Kurama chuckled slightly and Hiei smirked.

"Poor Yusuke, I feel sorry for him," Kurama said.


Well, I feel sorry for all of my future psychiatrists, because they're the ones who are going to have to hear about this story for years to come!

Hiei shrugged. "I don't care much."

You have no idea how relieved I am to hear him say that.

"Yes, but he's stuck with that loud, disgusting one."

"Whatever. I have what I want," Hiei said, stretching to kiss Kurama again.


Someone, make it stop...

And so, wrapped in each other's arms, the two yokai spent their most magical Christmas ever.

The End


It's OVER! Ah, I can finally BREATHE again!


* * *


Oh, wow, it's past three o'clock in the morning.


Ha, I got that beat! I'm currently writing this at 5:05 AM, AND I have classes tomorrow! And now I can't go to sleep at all because I'm too terrified of the inevitable nightmares! Yay, me!

I've been typing for hours. Well, I hope you liked it. I'm sorry if there are typos or whatever. I'm hardly awake. Please, be nice in reviews, flames are welcome, but if you get mean I'll eat you.

Well, even though that probably applies to me, I don't care. Nobody can read it now anyway, since you erased all your stories because people weren't kissing your butt enough. Life's just funny like that sometimes.

Thanks, happy NICE people!


 

Well, if that didn't just decimate some of my all-time favorite anime characters, I really don't know what will! These fangirls honestly make no sense to me. If they're so "in love" with these characters, then why do they always them gay? I mean, they're going to have enough trouble landing dates with these guys considering the fact that they don't exist, but just pretend for a moment that they do. How is forcing them to fall in love with other men helpful to these girls who fantasize about being romantically involved with them? I mean, it's not even so much that they make them gay, as it is the fact that they almost completely turn one or more of the characters into GIRLS! I'm even going so far as to think that ALL of the characters are the fangirls' own twisted personifications of themselves, just so they can get with all of their favorite characters at once. Wow, now there's a frightening thought! Seriously though, how many times has Kurama received crotchless panties for Christmas?! ...Great, now I'm going to be sick again...

On second thought, no! I don't even want to think of these "characters" as girls because not all girls are frickin' like this!! I just don't know what to think!!!

OK, I think... I think I just need to relax. Deep...soothing...breaths...

I can only hope no one else found this to be as infuriating as I did... Heh... That's an interesting notion... Well, look on the bright side. Bumblebee is long gone. That's right folks, she took down her stories from FanFiction.net some time ago. Although, it is possible that she just got a new screen name. If she has, I haven't found out about it yet. It's also possible that she's simply given up on her depraved sexual fantasies and horribly written stories. Who knows. Either way, there exists no rest for the wicked, and I'm sure that, even as I type this, hundreds upon hundreds of bad fanfiction is finding its way onto the internet in droves. That's why this site and everyone who chooses to be a part of it will continue to fight the good fight against the atrocities that plague the internet. That, my friends, is the Christmas gift we give to you every day of the year.

Ugh, I need sleep. ...Or some of Atsuko Urameshi's hot chocolate.

 

-Written by Liz Hastings.