After an extremely well-received debut on Project AFTER, Styles Rockman returns... WITH A VENGEANCE! His first victim, a painfully long and thoroughly insane Digimon fanfiction, ended up merely being practice for the atrocities he would tackle next. The putrid parade of submissions sent in by Mr. Rockman has been quite impressive, and it's led by the very first Witch Hunter Robin fanfic to appear on this site. And for any Witch Hunter Robin fans reading this, let me go ahead and apologize now.

The fanfic, which I expect will soon become infamous among this site's readers (and possibly the entire internet), is entitled "Deflowering Robin". The one and only piece of good news I can offer is that, contrary to the title's implications, the fic does NOT contain rape. The, err, "deflowering" sequence is purely consensual... Almost
too consensual, in fact. That's the one positive mark I can give this story. Everything else is just exceedingly, unrelentingly bad on every level, the one exception being the level of bad that really means good.

Thankfully, like the heroes of legend who would charge into the dens of demons with righteous vigor and a thirst for blood, Styles Rockman takes on this disaster of a story with a passion that is both beautiful and terrible. You definitely don't want to fuck with this guy, especially if you're a badly-written fanfiction that debases a pair of characters from one of his favorite anime series.

For those of you who are easily offended, what in the hell are you doing on this site? Seriously, you have little to no hope of actually enjoying any of this website's features. You're just going to get all upset and probably send me hatemail that I'll have to delete, and be forced to waste an entire three seconds of my day in the process. For everyone who isn't a church-going grandmother who thinks comedy is a tool of the devil, please read on and enjoy Style Rockman's laughable lambasting of this lackluster load of lewd lesbian literature. - Alex

 

 

Guest Special: "Deflowering Robin"
(A 'Witch Hunter Robin' fanfiction by Jd Wheels)

Reviewed by: Styles Rockman


Greetings, fellow fanfic despisers. Styles Rockman here once again to brighten up your day. My last review was a little long, so I decided to tone down the lengthicalness a little bit in exchange for illicit explicitness and more intense anger.

Like my last review, I set out searching for a bad fanfiction to review, this time setting my sights on Witch Hunter Robin fanfics. Being a huge fan of the series, I knew it would be a very difficult task to sit through the impending, infinite, insurmountable pile of donkey shit that lay ahead of me. That's all I have to say about that.

After some time spent hunting awful fanfiction, this little number caught my eye. Perhaps it was the unnecessary abundance of pink on the page I found it on, or maybe it wasn't. Either way, the summary went thusly:

Robin has her first sexual experience, but with who was a very big shock. She had been unaware of her own sexuality up until then.

I knew then and there that this was going to be a winner. Written by someone who goes only by the cryptic alias "Jd Wheels", the oddly titled "Deflowering Robin" is a tale of Robin being put in a rather awkward and supposedly erotic situation. What happens after that is sure to blow every part of your mind. Also, I use more big words like "omnipotent", "alloy", and "elephant".

Let's get this mother fucker revvin'!

 


 

Deflowering Robin



Miho looked at Robin with a very strange gaze.


I don't like where this is going...

Her eyes were watching the young girl moving across the room, as if she was on a cushion of air as she moved so gracefully. Miho closed her eyes tightly, and turned away.

Bringing her hands to her chest and exhaling heavily, all lights but one spot faded as she fell to her knees and wept. The curtains drop, and the audience leave their seats confused and angered.

Everyone knew that Miho was a lesbian,

WHAT?!

yet that was never an issue in the STN offices. No one had even batted an eye when she had came out to them, simply treating her just like they usually had..

All the while imbued with a powerful sense of futility.

She was very grateful for this, and they made her feel like she was a part of the team still, and respected in the utmost.

Miho, on the other hand, now found it a problem.


Her lesbian license had expired...

A big one.

Three months ago.

The hunter woman had always found herself being very attracted to the young fire-user.

I GUESS SHE'S HOT FOR HER! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

More than any other woman or girl in her life, she felt the pull like no other. She fought these urges, but it was getting harder to separate her feelings from work.


Right there is a real good indication of when you need to go on vacation.

One night, she was working a case of a witch with the power to liquify people's minds with a single thought.

That thought being "Hey, I should write a Witch Hunter Robin lemon fanfic!"

The witch was being hunted for a string of killings, all of which were his own family members. Revenge or not, the witch had to be stopped, his last victim was his own little brother, only twelve years old.

What, he hadn't figured out that his older brother was systematically killing off the rest of his family? Little shit deserved it.

The man was deranged, to say the least, as the power probably had made his own brain unstable

I like how this guy has an obvious boner for commas, yet every now and then he forgets to use a period. It's like if marks of punctuation were his children, Comma would get a brand new bike for no reason, while Period would be constantly neglected and told to shut up and go play in his room when he complained about being hungry.

She had been assigned to work with Robin on this one, as Amon and Sakaki were already on another case across town. The parings had been set that way, SOLOMON had asked for the men to take out the much more dangerous witch that was randomly killing people with the power to pull people literally apart.

Either this guy is dyslexic or he just has a poor handle on appropriate word placement. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, and go with the former.

Miho sat in her car, binoculars searching a housing complex they had been told the witch they hunted, was holing up in.

Yo, yo, yo, why you all up in my hole, dawg?

Robin was in the passenger seat, waiting to see what the lady was looking for.

" Do you see anything, Miss Karasuma?" She asked softly.


"No, I've suddenly gone blind! Why would you ask if-- GOD! Just get out. I said GET OUT!"

" I don't..." She said, lowering her spy glasses.

Spy glasses?

Miho just looked at the girl, and found herself looking at the young girl's face. She marveled at it's smoothness of skin, and drunk in the young girl's perfect beauty.

Unable to steer her gaze away from the young girl's face, she covered her face with her hands but in her mind she saw the face of the young girl's face, she inhaled the girls toxicity, and, her, young girl's, face.

The green eyes seemed to captivate her, holding her there spellbound for a long moment.

YOUR JEDI MIND TRICKS WILL NOT WORK ON ME, WENCH!

Miho could feel her panties getting wet, as the girl's Jasmin perfume wafted to her. She could feel herself shiver a little.

So she got dressed, and silently wondered why she had stripped down to her underwear in the first place.

She fought her amorous feelings and snapped herself out of her own thoughts. She now noticed that Robin was looking at her with a very questioning eye.

Looks like someone got a thesaurus for Christmas!

" Robin?" She said, being a little surprised at finding the girl looking at her the way she was.

" Why were you looking at me right now, Miss Karasuma?" She asked, her innocence shining through.


"WHAT I TELL YOU 'BOUT LOOKIN' AT ME, HO?" *Slap!*

Miho thought hard at what to respond to the girl.

She decided it would be best to respond to her question, and then kicked her in the face with her lesbian legs.

She was a virginal as they come, and Miho found herself almost lusting after the girl.

Definitely lusting before, and to a lesser extent during the girl.

A bad thing to do with an innocent like her.

It's interesting how the author chose to subtly play up Robin's innocence considering how she has no personal qualms about burning suspected witches to ashes, sleeps naked, and has bad thoughts about a man twice her age and size.

" I was thinking how pretty you are." She said, being truthful but surprising herself with the statement.

" You think I am pretty?" Asked Robin, with a surprised tone.


SURPRISE!!!

" Very much." Miho admitted.

"...Pretty STUPID! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!"

 

The girl blushed, as she looked at Miho. Miho felt her body shiver, as that little smile sent shockwaves through her entire being.

Oh hell no, Heaven's Smiles in Witch Hunter Robin? (FYI Heaven's Smiles are from Killer7. Go look them up and that last quip will be a whole lot funnier.)

" Thank you." Said the shy girl.

The two went back to being silent in their surveillance, looking for the elusive witch that they tracked, as the sin set overhead.


"Oh my fuck, it's half past purgatory already!"

Miho just settle herself down, as thoughts of the girl still danced through her mind.

Like sugar plums of pedophilia.

 

They broke off the surveillance a hour or so later on, after Michael had called them on their communicators. It seemed that this site was the wrong one,

Ssssssssuckers!

and they had to go and check out another site in the morning.

"Hmm... What to do until the morning... What to do... What to do... We could, no... No, that wouldn't work... Hmm... How about YahtzeeBYWHICHIMEANLESBIANSEX."

The first Intel they had was wrong.

They went back to the headquarters, to see first hand the information that the lad had gotten for themselves.


The lad had made them sad, yo, now the clown wasn't around to show them the info, proper! Aight, I'ma kick it OLD SCHOOL MOTHA FUCKAAAA!

To make a plan of action, you needed to see all of what the team might have to use.

We've gone from third-person narrative to instruction manual.

They exited the car, after Miho had parked in their underground lot. They met at the front of the car, each going to go get the elevator upstairs.

Robin stopped the girl, hist at the met at the car's front bumper.


wtf?

" I want to ask you something..." The girl asked, almost too softly to hear except in the echoing of the parkade.

You see that? That is the beginning of the author's inexplicable infatuation with ellipses. Err, ellipsis? Ellipsiseses?

" I will answer you, if I can..." Said Miho, shocked at the normally quiet girl's question.

It's just a question, she's not asking you to disarm a fucking bomb, bitch.

The girl pondered her words for a second or two, as Miho waited.

" You said I was pretty..." She started, some what hesitantly. " I know you like girls... in that way... is it like that for you... to me?"

Miho was surprised at the girls's question.


Mainly because there were so many of them talking at the same time.

She did not even think the young convent raised girl would even know such things, but the girl surprised her with the knowledge.

Knowledge is power! GAY POWER!

She smiled though, as the girl's query made her shiver. She knew she needed to be truthful.

So she ripped off her mask and revealed herself to be Satan. The girls'ss obvious relief showed on her face.

" Yes...It is." She replied.

I've interrupted so many times I don't even remember what the question was.

There was a perplexed look on Robin's angelic face, but her eyes stared right into Miho's face. It seemed like she was possessing this information.

" Does that mean you wanted to kiss me?"


Oh shit, right. The lesbian thing.

She bluntly asked Karasuma. " Like a boy wants to kiss a girl?"

"As in the way our Lord and Savior intended, you devil-worshipping homosexual heathen!"

" Truthfully... yes." Miho said, feeling her own cunt twitch with the admission she give the girl.

Usually people get a nervous twitch on their face. Or, in some cases, their middle finger.

Miho was suddenly surprised. Robin had stepped right up to Miho and looked right at her. The hunter woman could see that the girl's breathing was deeper and more rapid, her small breasts under her old styled dress heaved up and down deliciously.

Mmm! Fresh milk!

She fought the urge she had of grabbing the young girl and kissing the living shit out of her,

Woah, that's pretty fucking intense. Slow down there, Miho. Actually, that makes me wonder, how extreme does one have to be to kiss the living shit out of someone? Is Bruce Lee that extreme? Is Jason Statham that extreme?

and reluctantly stopped ...but she was only human

The girl leaned in and surprisingly give the woman a soft peck on the lips.


SURPRISE!!!

It was almost as soft as a butterfly kiss,

That was almost poetic, except that it wasn't in any way at all.

but it made the woman ache. Throwing it all to the wind, the woman wrapped her arms around the young one, passionately kissing the girl. To Miho's pleasure, the girl did not squirm or try to get away.

The roofie worked!

The girl's actually kiss become more deep and urgent

The lady felt the girl's small and very compact body against hers, the smell of the girl's perfume was more distinct with her proximity.


In case you weren't aware of how human senses worked.

The girl wrapped her own arms around the woman, and they stood there in a passionate embrace.

The girl's hands explored the woman's body, and the woman held the girl's head closer to the woman's chest while the girl rubbed her pelvis against the girl's hips and the guy in the closet whacked off furiously.

Miho began to kiss the girl on the jaw line,

The girl became so weirded out that she pushed Miho out of the window. Who the fuck kisses someone's jaw line?

then moved her lips slowly to the neck. She could feel the girl shaking, and heard a moan come from her. Miho's head spun, as she kissed the girl ravenously, her hands resting now on the covered breasts.

The girl was gasping, her arms clutching Karasuma's body to her own. The hunter woman squeezed one of Robin's breasts in her hands. By the groan that passed the girl's lips,


By the power of Grayskull!

Robin felt the shocks of pleasure flash through herself.

Miho's hands went down both sides of the girl, feeling the smallness of the body under her touch. She could feel the sides heaving with every touch she made, becoming faster and faster.


It's kind of like watching Alien, except it's horrible and it makes me vomit out my ass.

The girl cooed softly, as Miho slid her hands lower. The girl did not even move a muscle with her move.

Good move.

The brown haired woman slid her hand to gather up the girl's long skirts.

And pants'd the living shit out of her.

She hoisted them until she could slip a hand under the hem. Once under the skirt, Miho came in contact with the girls simple white panties, and felt the anticipation mounting coming from both of them She slid her hand across the front of the underwear, and felt the heat coming off of the body under the thin fabric.

"What's this furnace doing down here?"

Moving her hand down the fabric, she slowly slid her hand between the girl's legs.

And found a tiny leprechaun shoveling coal.

Robin's briefs were already very wet on the crotch, to the point of soaking, and Karasuma could smell the excitement the girl was experiencing. She ran her fingers along the wet cotton, tracing the outline of the little cunt held within. She felt the girl stiffen, then a gasp came out of her mouth.

" Oh... your... your touching me there... in my private place......"


William Shatner: The Early Years. Episode 4: "The night daddy came into my room."

She gasped, her eyes widening. " It makes me feel like tingly."

" Do you want me to stop?" Miho asked, looking deep into the girl's eyes.


Yes, oh GOD yes!

The craft-girl moved her legs apart, to answer the woman. Miho just continued to kiss her neck , and pushed her against the car. Robin let herself be half laying on the hood, her legs still spread for the woman's hand to investigate deeper.

Are they back on the stakeout? "Robin, I think that mind-liquefying vampire may be hiding inside your uterus!"

Miho took her other hand and slid the cotton undies down to just above young Robin's knees.

I really wish the author would not keep reminding me of Robin's age. It makes it so much more enjoyable for me when I imagine her being FUCKING LEGAL!

Her hand dipped in between the quivering legs and felt the unknown treasure that awaited her.

"HARRR! DON'T BE GRABBIN' ME BOOTY!" *Rimshot*

The pussy she came in contact with was soft and nearly hairless, the vague feeling of stubble told Miho that the girl was in the habit of shaving her pussy, which she would have never guessed Robin did for herself.

PRO TIP: Girls raised in convents don't shave their pubic hair.

Touching the outer lips, the girl groaned and kissed the woman hard, pushing her pelvis right to the hand. The woman obliged, and slid a finger to part the lips of the cunny, making Robin shiver.

Cunny? I never thought there was a euphemism for the vagina that could actually make me sick. Until now.

The wetness of the girl was incredible

She deserved a medal.

Miho swooned as her fingers could feel the heat of the juices. Slipping a finger inside the girl, she could feel just how much it was juicing under her manipulations.

Ech...

She slid the digit in until she was all the way in. Robin's hips bucked up against the invader, legs now spreading farther to accommodate as Miho's hand knuckle was pressing up against the folds

Good lesbian sex always involves a lot of furious vagina punching.

Pumping the digit in to the girl with practiced finesse, she could feel the girl's body quake with absolute pleasure. Miho rained kisses over the neck of the young girl, and felt the passion that was building in the young one. Adding a second finger, the tightness of the girl was evident, but Robin never tried to get away.

Oh please, try. Do it for me. Just this once.

Miho pushed the girl all the way back on to the car, and knelt a little between the lovely thighs that beckoned her.

"GET DA FUCK OFF ME!"

She slid the underwear right off of the legs, and dropped them to the concrete and moved the skirts up past Robin's waist.

And, much to her surprise, found a young Bruce Campbell.

The young pussy in front of Miho was a soft dusty pink color, all swollen and glistening with juices.

Something tells me the author has never seen a vagina outside the internet.

It seemed to vibrate in front of her eyes, and Karasuma licked her lips with anticipation, as it looked delicious,

Mmm! Tuna!

Oh God, I can't believe I just said that.

as well as beautiful. Robin's virginal cunt was there, and the girl was willing to let her have it... have it first.

She lowered her head between the legs, taking in the wonderful musky smell that intertwined with the Jasmin perfume as it tickled her nose. She could not remember the last time she felt so horny, and Robin was the fuel that was fueling her fire.


Her fire was so fiery it fired her fueled sexual fire with FIRE.

She readied her tongue for the fist taste with great anticipation.

How do you prepare your tongue for something? A training montage involving tiny barbells?

The hunter woman's lips kissed the outer lips with a light touch, drinking in the first taste of this girl. Robin moved her legs to fully open, placing her feet on the car beside her bottom. She was wide open to Miho now, the way was fully opened.

" Do... whatever you want too..." She gasped, feeling the woman's lips on her swollen cunny.


I think I just threw up a bit. In my mouth.

" Please..."

"...Stop while you still have some shred of your dignity!"

Licking the small erect nub that she found nestled in the folds,

NooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Miho found pleasure as the girl moaned, reaching down with her hands to keep her head there. The Hunter-woman dove right in to the task, licking with a vengeance,

*Dramatic sting* A woman, a girl, a face... The delectable surprise that awaits them both; the fiery fuel that fuels the fire... OF REVENGE! Coming this summer, the action event of the millennium: CUNNILINGUS III: LICKING WITH A VENGEANCE!

smearing her saliva all over the protruding labia and tasting the girl's bouquet of sweetness.

God damn, I feel sick...

She was so very sweet tasting, so mind-blowing and amazingly sweet,

Sweet!

Miho could not lick fast enough for herself.

You're not doing it for yourself, you're doing it for JESUS.

She closed her eyes, and let herself ride the waves of passion and lust that thundered through her.

Actually, that's just gas.

With great expertise, the woman lapped the girl, flicking the nub with circular motions with the tongue That elicited Robin to grind her pussy in to Miho's face in response. The woman then inserted a finger with one hand, as she continued to lap away at the young cunt.

Real creative use of euphemism there, jackfuck.

A squeal of ecstasy echoed through the parkade

"SUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEY!"

Miho responded by quickening her work.

Robin could feel her body twitch and shake, deep with in her she felt something building.


Tinker toys!

It was making her crazy, and she pulled the head of the woman in more,

And it came off in her hands.

feeling the tongue doing it's work. Sweat flowed down her face as she felt the pressure rising, and her need for it to be released also climbing. She did not understand it all, but
she knew inside of herself that she needed to have the woman do much more.


Like her taxes.

Miho could feel the girl was stiffening and quivering, telling that Robin was on the very brink of an orgasm, and planned to make sure the young one would never forget this moment.

So she blew a whistle and everyone jumped out from behind the cars and shouted "SURPRISE!" The surprise was evident on the young girls's face.

She pulled her hand away and doubled her tongues speed,

FULL SPEED AHEAD!

now going all out on the clitoris that was fully hard and ready, traveling circles around the pleasure nub with speed she did not know she had.

Suddenly, a warning siren went off, and thick smoke began to pour out of Miho's ears before a shower of sparks erupted from her mouth, and her entire body shook violently.

Robin gasped, and her body started to shake and uncontrollably quake. She felt something wash over her, and all she could do was close her eyes and arch her back while slamming her pussy to meet the woman's oral directions.

"No, LEFT YOU MORON!"

The electric shocks crashed through her body and soul, and she felt the power of her first orgasm flow over her. She screamed out to the echos,

They screamed back, and it was really awkward.

not worrying if any one would hear at that point, Miho's name barreled out of her lips.

Both sets!

Miho felt the girl's pussy spew it's sweet nectar, flooding her mouth and bathing her face with it's wetness. She lapped with zeal,

THERE IS NO MIHO ONLY ZUUL! Oh, wait, zeal.

just wanting to drink up every last drop that the little cunny could give her, wanting to literally milk it dry. The more she lapped, the more orgasms flowed through the young girl, one after the other. Miho lost count after giving Robin ten earth shattering orgasms,

Which is, coincidentally, also the number of times I remember vomiting before losing count.

and she still kept up in the intention of giving the young girl squirming on her tongue way more. Sweaty and spent, the young crafter finally felt her orgasms waning as the woman finally stopped.

Finally!

Robin could only lay there, panting heavily and looking up at the ceiling with overwhelming feelings.

Miho pulled her head from between Robin's legs and looked at the tawny beauty with her face glistening with juices and a face filled with pride in what she had done.

" Did you... enjoy that?"


"No."

Miho asked, after letting the girl catch her breath for a moment.

" It was great..."


"As far as violent rapes go, anyway."

Blushed the girl, sitting up a little.

Miho reached down and handed the girl back her underwear from the concrete floor, still being able to smell the intoxicating musk that bathed her face. Robin looked at the woman, holding the wet panties in her hand.


Eww, they landed in a puddle of hobo urine...

" Miss Karasuma..." Said the girl, her face glowing red, but a smile on her face.

" Yes, little Robin?" Said the woman.


Her face covered with cunny juice, but a surprised look on her face.

" Will you... take me home with you tonight?" She asked, blushing with her forward question.

" Do you want me to?" Asked Miho,


That's a really backward answer.

feeling excited with that prospect of more time with the young beauty.

" Yes... I... Do..."


William Shatner: The Early Years. Episode 5: "Billy's dad asks if he likes it when he comes into his room at night."

Robin said, her face blushing brighter. " I would like to.. Do what you did to me... on you."

Miho smiled and nodded, making the young girl smile with the acceptance.

"Would it be bad... to hurry? Robin asked almost tentatively, making herself blush even worse than she already was.


Her head is so full of blood by now it's going to pop like an overfilled water balloon!

Miho giggled, and smiled broadly to the girl. She took Robin's hand in hers and looked into the bright green orbs that looked squarely at her.

Having played Castlevania 2, she knew to throw the oak stakes at them.

" I would say that it was not 'bad' at all."

"I mean, I've had better..."

" Good!" The young one said, a giggle passing through the word. " I... want to explore this more... if that is the right words to use..."

The two then started to giggle a little and hurried to catch the elevator. They could not wait to get what they needed to know from the computer whiz, as the night was still young for far more pleasurable pursuits to come.


Ha ha, get it? Because they're lesbians!
 

 

The End


 

Well, there you have it. The incessant malapropisms were made all the more noticeable by the fact that the author kept using the same seven words over and over. I counted, there are twelve instances of the word "face", twenty of "young", and way too fucking many of "cunny".

Wow, I guess I kind of lied about shortening the lengthalityish of the review, didn't I? Although, to be fair, it was only six pages when I got it; the added nine were my own ramblings. Which were, of course, to spare you from having to read this godawful pile of horse testicles without interruption. The mental endurance and spiritual willingness it would take to do so is equivalent to killing yourself with paper cuts while your next-door neighbor with the better lawn repeatedly pelts you with stillborn fetuses every twelve seconds. And your eyeballs are on fire.

It's not even the absurd setting that the two characters find themselves in, because that would just be too easy to poke fun at. It's the author's incredibly erratic vocabulary. His combination of malapropisms and internet porno euphemisms create a sickening image not masked by his obvious desire to write a romance novel. Hey look, I can be a fanfic writer too:

As the angel beside me rolled over in her sleep, her breasts warm and provocative on my side, I breathed heavily a sigh of pleasure. My cock.

BRILLIANT!

 

-Written by Styles Rockman.